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lady_katie
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26 Aug 2012, 3:26 pm

During sex...or is it just me?

Anyone find anything that has helped?

Thanks!



FalsettoTesla
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26 Aug 2012, 3:34 pm

I think that's a female problem in general. From my experience both having sex with women, talking to women about sex and having a female body.



IdahoRose
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26 Aug 2012, 4:35 pm

I can't speak for anyone else, but I frequently have trouble reaching orgasm when I masturbate (I've never had sex with anyone else). There are several factors that play into it: my state of mind (if I'm paranoid about anyone else in my house being able to hear me, orgasm is nearly impossible), when the last time I masturbated was (the more days in a row I masturbate, the less likely I am to reach orgasm), and probably the medications I take (two out of the three that I take list sexual dysfunction as side effects). I miss being a teenager when my hormones were out of control and I could masturbate three times a day instead of once every couple of days...



cathylynn
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26 Aug 2012, 6:18 pm

try direct clitoral stimulation, perhaps coupled with fantasy.



aspiekelly
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26 Aug 2012, 6:21 pm

I don't really think I've ever made myself have an orgasm during masturbation.



lady_katie
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26 Aug 2012, 6:57 pm

Thanks everyone! I didn't realize that there was a similar conversation going on in a different thread. I don't have any trouble during masturbation, in fact I can achieve multiple orgasms with out any great difficulty. I only have a problem with sex...I don't come anywhere near climaxing, and I never have.



redrobin62
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26 Aug 2012, 7:34 pm

FalsettoTesla
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26 Aug 2012, 7:45 pm

redrobin62 wrote:
Gross.


A bit pointless to post in here if you only have rudeness to add. :/



IdahoRose
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26 Aug 2012, 11:33 pm

FalsettoTesla wrote:
redrobin62 wrote:
Gross.


A bit pointless to post in here if you only have rudeness to add. :/

Yeah. What's the point of a 50 year old guy coming into a thread for women, anyway? Now that's gross.



puddingmouse
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27 Aug 2012, 2:24 am

I used to struggle to climax, due to stress and other issues. Now, I can climax quite easily, but I find that I have to be really in the mood, or it just won't happen.


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FalsettoTesla
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27 Aug 2012, 4:23 am

IdahoRose wrote:
FalsettoTesla wrote:
redrobin62 wrote:
Gross.


A bit pointless to post in here if you only have rudeness to add. :/

Yeah. What's the point of a 50 year old guy coming into a thread for women, anyway? Now that's gross.


No, I don't think that is inherently gross. Perhaps they have an informative third party view of a female situation. Also, I don't think age is a factor in this. Unless you're implying he's a pervert, which I don't think he is in the way you're suggesting.



musicforanna
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28 Aug 2012, 2:36 am

The only time I had trouble was when I was on an antidepressant (Lexapro). Or when I get too sensitive.

redrobin62 wrote:
Gross.

Look. Had I not looked into your profile, I would've thought you were a pre-pre-teen boy who still believed that girls had cooties.

First the Pads/Tampons thread and now this one? If you can't handle what's on the woman forum, then don't come on it! Sheesh.



Aldran
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28 Aug 2012, 3:59 am

I apologize if Im committing a faux pas by posting here.... please, Remove my post if its prefferable, but someone did mention a third party point of view, so figured what the heck?

It would seem to me that if you dont have any trouble climaxing during masturbation, but you do during sex, then something just isnt jiving for you during sex? Masturbation is pretty much whatever you make it for yourself, and I think aspie's (HFA, AS, et al), tend to be pretty good at that.... But sex with a partner(s) on the other hand is a much more complicated ball of wax. From how you feel about them, to how they respond, communication, willingness to work together vs for ones own ends and being ok with, enjoying, or being disappointed with either in any given moment..... Even something as small as setting a mood you can enjoy or not before hand can ultimately help or hinder in ones ability to enjoy yourself enough during sex to climax.... I mean, this might all be obvious theoretically, but my experience is that in practice it can be a totally different experience. Im a guy and Ive had sex plenty of times without actually climaxing for a variety of reasons, some of which I can abscribe indirectly to being a result of being Aspie, others more because there was something in the situation that didn't jive with me, aspie or not and I just went through the motions for her..... Edited to add Ive also had the reverse happen, where Shes gone through the motions for me. Can't believe I forgot to say that considering the Thread.... But there ya go /end edit

I would posit that specifically being AS wouldn't directly affect the ability to climax during sex, as long as your AS doesn't preclude you from the social situations leading up to attempt sex in the first place. Rather, I would posit that AS *might* affect how you approach sex and your ability to deal with and communicate during sex, particularly with an NT, and how enjoyable it may or may not ultimately be.... But to suggest anything further will quickly get into requiring personal experiences/information from any interested party because, as no two aspies have the same asperger's (HFA, AS, et al), and it affects us all a little differently being so varied in its spectrum's, different positions on any of those scales would play a role in the outcome of sex, and thats before you get into just good ol' human individuality and how THAT affects sex and love making....

Also wanted to mention, because someone else mentioned it, that multiple orgasms can really be powerful stuff, and its not easy to attain for every woman/girl. Ive been blessed to have known a few women really well in my time, and only one of them found it particularly easy to have multiple orgasms, and I think mostly she just knew herself sexually very well. From other women Ive spoken with, online and off, I get the sense that not alot of women really get to know themselves sexually, but this is from my probably limited realm of experience of course and is in no way an inferal that anyone here does or does not. Again, my personal experience is the woman has to really want it, and usually has to be willing to be pretty persistent in the pursuit (If only in so far as learning more about yourself and what "turns you on" or not) to accomplish it if you've never done it before. An understanding partner helps, but if they have no experience, its going to be a journey of the uninitiated seeking a common goal that could wind on for a long time and though that might be romantic to some, it could end up being very frustrating too. Pick your battles, as it were.... I am of the opinion that, all anatomy being *VERY Generally* equal, any woman can attain multiple orgasms if she disires, but the path there is probably as varied as women are.....

Hope this fulfills that Third Party Point of View suggestion a little, and I hope this doesn't offend anyone,
Aldran



Fiz
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28 Aug 2012, 5:18 am

redrobin62 wrote:
Gross.


If it was you who couldn't climax, you wouldn't think it was gross now would you? If you can't think of anything more sensible to put, please go away.

Anyhow, it is actually believed that, regardless of whether or not you are an aspie, over 60% of women have trouble climaxing and the vast majority of women do not climax every time they have sex. So in that sense, men have it lucky and making 'gross' comments when you have no idea what its like to be disappointed in this area is neither helpful nor a sign of maturity.


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fragaria
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01 Sep 2012, 12:47 pm

I also find it very difficult and a rather frustrating experience.



hanyo
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01 Sep 2012, 2:35 pm

I never climaxed during sex because I find penetration to be anywhere from uncomfortable to painful.