Getting assessed

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(I also posted this in the "General Autism" section, but I thought maybe it would help to post it in a few places.)
Hello. For a while now, I have been going back and forth on whether I have BPD, ASD, or some sort of other issue. I have done a lot of reading, and I think it is time I get tested. Now, my issue is I have never had a good psychiatrist, and I have never been to a Neuropsychiatrist. Everyone I have gotten an assessment with is not empathetic, does not listen to my symptoms/frequency of them, and uses a checklist to diagnose me. The appointments usually are not even longer than 30 minutes, which seems awfully short to give me an accurate diagnosis. I was also severely abused, and I feel I have been away from my abusers for long enough that my "real" symptoms are finally showing up. I think I used to mimic my abusive mother who most likely has BPD.

I do know I have other emotional issues, so even if I was on the spectrum, I would like those to be addressed. I also would prefer someone to rule out things like Schizophrenia and BPD. I've always been considered a complex case, and I am sick of therapists telling me I will never be able to pinpoint what is wrong because I am on the border of every diagnosis they can think of. I feel like this is a cop out.

I would like to know how to go about finding someone to assess me? Would a Neuropsychiatrist be the way to go? I'm thinking they should specialize in Autism, but then that worries me they can not rule out things like BPD. Also, I am an adult female. I keep thinking that this will make a difference, as I know a lot of females are misdiagnosed. I also do not have much money, so I am really wondering on how to find what I am looking for so I can finally get a more objective opinion. I am in the LA area, and I'm willing to travel possibly more than 50 miles if it means I can find someone to help.

I keep having people tell me there is no reason to get assessed for anything since I am an adult. However, whatever is different about me has affected my functioning to the point where I feel like giving up. I would like to finally pinpoint everything so I can learn how to be social, how to stay at a job, and to also help me when I go to college next year. Right now, almost everyone who meets me uses words like weird, awkward, eccentric, and odd to describe me. I really just want to fit in.

Any opinions on this, especially from people who were in a similar situation, are very welcome. I am mainly asking if any one has any recommendations on who I can go to. Also, if anyone has any questions they would recommend I ask the person before getting assessed by them, please let me know. I tend to stumble over my words when I am near a psychiatrist, so I really hope someone can refer me to a kind person.