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Are you a nurturer?
I am a neurotypical woman, and I am a born nurturer. 1%  1%  [ 1 ]
I am a neurotypical woman, and I sometimes feel nurturing. 0%  0%  [ 0 ]
I am a neurotypical woman, and I am NOT a nurturer. 3%  3%  [ 2 ]
I am a woman on the autistic spectrum, and I am a born nurturer. 13%  13%  [ 9 ]
I am a woman on the autistic spectrum, and I sometimes feel nurturing. 48%  48%  [ 34 ]
I am a woman on the autistic spectrum, and I am NOT a nurturer. 35%  35%  [ 25 ]
Total votes : 71

Cracked
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18 Oct 2012, 4:05 am

I think it goes without saying that, in most societies, women have traditionally been expected to fill the role of a nurturer. Now, I'm not here to debate whether this feeling is natural or taught -- that's for another thread. However, I am curious to know how many women here at WP would personally describe themselves as "nurturing". Have you always felt caring and supportive, or does the mere thought of displaying stereotypically maternal behaviors make you feel uncomfortable? Either way, please elaborate on your thoughts in a reply!

I occasionally feel compelled to nurture people around me, but only to an extent. If someone has a minor problem they need to rant about, then I'm all ears, and I'll usually try to help them feel better about whatever the problem is. However, if someone is breaking down and crying over something, I basically try to stay as far away as I can without being rude...it just makes me so uncomfortable.

Edit: I can't believe I forgot this, but I am on the autistic spectrum. Also, I am well aware of the fact that most neurotypical women feel at least somewhat nurturing...my main reason for creating this poll was to compare the prevalence of nurturing tendencies between neurotypical women and women on the autistic spectrum.


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Last edited by Cracked on 18 Oct 2012, 4:00 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Who_Am_I
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18 Oct 2012, 8:01 am

On the spectrum, and NOT a nurturer.
My first instinct when I see someone in need of comfort is to run and hide.
Unless it's a dog or other small furry animal. I can nurture those.


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MjrMajorMajor
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18 Oct 2012, 8:34 am

I picked the sometimes option because of my kids. When people talk to me about very serious issues, I'm never sure of the appropriate response they're looking for. With someone with minor reoccurring issues, I have a tendency to snap (Just fix it already!).



Cracked
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18 Oct 2012, 4:09 pm

Who_Am_I wrote:
On the spectrum, and NOT a nurturer.
My first instinct when I see someone in need of comfort is to run and hide.
Unless it's a dog or other small furry animal. I can nurture those.


I can nurture small animals as well.

MjrMajorMajor wrote:
I picked the sometimes option because of my kids. When people talk to me about very serious issues, I'm never sure of the appropriate response they're looking for. With someone with minor reoccurring issues, I have a tendency to snap (Just fix it already!).


Yeah, I'm always afraid of saying something that will make the situation worse.


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18 Oct 2012, 9:56 pm

Who_Am_I wrote:
On the spectrum, and NOT a nurturer.
My first instinct when I see someone in need of comfort is to run and hide.
Unless it's a dog or other small furry animal. I can nurture those.


Agreed I'd save an animal over a human any day they did way way way to much damage for me to give a &*(& about them . And if I did care why would they care back ?


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mv
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19 Oct 2012, 12:52 pm

It's different when it's about my children, and even then it isn't always automatic.



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19 Oct 2012, 3:14 pm

I used to think I was a nurturer; it took me many years and a lot of bad experiences to realize I am a "rescuer", I want to save the world and fix everyone and it just can't be done. I am working really hard on not assuming that people make mistakes and show vulnerability in the hopes of someone saving them. I made a lot of mistakes and I think the worst was thinking that if I "fixed" someone they would then become what I needed them to be and would be grateful and appreciate my efforts. I also thought that if I was worthy of love that someone would want to "rescue" me. That all blew up in my face and I now avoid people who bring out that instinct in me. I still smile at puppies and love my cats and my friends' children but I now regard adults who don't try to hide their struggles with suspicion which I know isn't right either. Someday I will get it all right.



Cracked
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19 Oct 2012, 3:42 pm

mv wrote:
It's different when it's about my children, and even then it isn't always automatic.


When I used to babysit, I would sometimes need to make a conscious effort to not be cold and indifferent to kids...needless to say, I no longer babysit.

AlphaSister wrote:
I used to think I was a nurturer; it took me many years and a lot of bad experiences to realize I am a "rescuer", I want to save the world and fix everyone and it just can't be done. I am working really hard on not assuming that people make mistakes and show vulnerability in the hopes of someone saving them. I made a lot of mistakes and I think the worst was thinking that if I "fixed" someone they would then become what I needed them to be and would be grateful and appreciate my efforts. I also thought that if I was worthy of love that someone would want to "rescue" me. That all blew up in my face and I now avoid people who bring out that instinct in me. I still smile at puppies and love my cats and my friends' children but I now regard adults who don't try to hide their struggles with suspicion which I know isn't right either. Someday I will get it all right.


Kudos for knowing yourself and making changes that will benefit your well-being.


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AlphaSister
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19 Oct 2012, 3:54 pm

Cracked wrote:
mv wrote:
It's different when it's about my children, and even then it isn't always automatic.


When I used to babysit, I would sometimes need to make a conscious effort to not be cold and indifferent to kids...needless to say, I no longer babysit.

AlphaSister wrote:
I used to think I was a nurturer; it took me many years and a lot of bad experiences to realize I am a "rescuer", I want to save the world and fix everyone and it just can't be done. I am working really hard on not assuming that people make mistakes and show vulnerability in the hopes of someone saving them. I made a lot of mistakes and I think the worst was thinking that if I "fixed" someone they would then become what I needed them to be and would be grateful and appreciate my efforts. I also thought that if I was worthy of love that someone would want to "rescue" me. That all blew up in my face and I now avoid people who bring out that instinct in me. I still smile at puppies and love my cats and my friends' children but I now regard adults who don't try to hide their struggles with suspicion which I know isn't right either. Someday I will get it all right.


Kudos for knowing yourself and making changes that will benefit your well-being.


Thanks! Believe me, it took a LONG time and a lot of mistakes/lessons :?



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19 Oct 2012, 10:27 pm

Chris says I'd be a good mother--she's a mother herself to two grown kids (my cousins-removed-once), so I guess she would know. :)

I think I'm nurturing some of the time, when I feel well enough to do it.


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Cracked
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20 Oct 2012, 7:33 pm

AlphaSister wrote:
Cracked wrote:
mv wrote:
It's different when it's about my children, and even then it isn't always automatic.


When I used to babysit, I would sometimes need to make a conscious effort to not be cold and indifferent to kids...needless to say, I no longer babysit.

AlphaSister wrote:
I used to think I was a nurturer; it took me many years and a lot of bad experiences to realize I am a "rescuer", I want to save the world and fix everyone and it just can't be done. I am working really hard on not assuming that people make mistakes and show vulnerability in the hopes of someone saving them. I made a lot of mistakes and I think the worst was thinking that if I "fixed" someone they would then become what I needed them to be and would be grateful and appreciate my efforts. I also thought that if I was worthy of love that someone would want to "rescue" me. That all blew up in my face and I now avoid people who bring out that instinct in me. I still smile at puppies and love my cats and my friends' children but I now regard adults who don't try to hide their struggles with suspicion which I know isn't right either. Someday I will get it all right.


Kudos for knowing yourself and making changes that will benefit your well-being.


Thanks! Believe me, it took a LONG time and a lot of mistakes/lessons :?


Hey, what matters is that you genuinely learned from your mistakes/lessons...that's more than many people can say!

emimeni wrote:
Chris says I'd be a good mother--she's a mother herself to two grown kids (my cousins-removed-once), so I guess she would know. :)

I think I'm nurturing some of the time, when I feel well enough to do it.


If you want kids, and you think you'd be nurturing enough to give them a good upbringing, then go for it!* :)

Edit: *Unless, of course, your partner/spouse does the nurturing for you. I know a family in which the father is the nurturer and the mother is the disciplinarian, and, while this may seem odd to proponents of the traditional American household, it works for them--and their children turned out just fine.


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emimeni
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20 Oct 2012, 8:59 pm

Cracked wrote:
If you want kids, and you think you'd be nurturing enough to give them a good upbringing, then go for it!* :)

Edit: *Unless, of course, your partner/spouse does the nurturing for you. I know a family in which the father is the nurturer and the mother is the disciplinarian, and, while this may seem odd to proponents of the traditional American household, it works for them--and their children turned out just fine.


I don't think I am able to parent kids. I can barely clean up my apartment. :roll:


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21 Oct 2012, 2:50 am

I am nurturing - but only when there is an obvious problem and someone is clearly upset, or with kids or with animals.

I am terrible at the "day to day" nurturing that NT's consider normal.

In other words, I can do the big occasional stuff but not the small daily stuff - I'm very much like the steroypical "male" mind in that regard.


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21 Oct 2012, 6:50 am

Kjas wrote:
I am nurturing - but only when there is an obvious problem and someone is clearly upset, or with kids or with animals.

I am terrible at the "day to day" nurturing that NT's consider normal.

In other words, I can do the big occasional stuff but not the small daily stuff - I'm very much like the steroypical "male" mind in that regard.

The thing I notice is that I can nurture pretty well in some instances, but I lack a good consistent ability to nurture and it doesn't really come natural to me a lot of times.



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21 Oct 2012, 12:30 pm

I'm not sure how to answer the poll since I am unsure if I am on the spectrum or not.
Not NT though I guess since I have SPD, but I am not nurturing whatsoever.
I am empathic or w/e the word, though. I just have no interest in taking care of others whatsoever.


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