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Tenderfoot
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09 Dec 2012, 12:09 am

eom



Last edited by Tenderfoot on 14 Dec 2012, 2:23 am, edited 1 time in total.

meems
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09 Dec 2012, 10:44 pm

LKL wrote:
^that makes perfect sense in some ways; we all unconsciously pick up ideas about how other people are supposed to act, based on what 'type' we are supposed to class them as, and are uncomfortable if someone acts outside their type.

I was never good at internalizing what 'girls' are supposed to be like, so I guess I might make people uncomfortable by acting outside of the culturally enforced 'female' type.

(/armchair psychoanalysis)


I would see your posts and think you were being so austere, and at some point I realized what bothered me was that I felt like I had to communicate in an impossible way that proved I was both feminine and yet not empty-headed, which I felt was the default position of females. Either morons or cold hearted b*****s.

When I realized I felt like that, whilst simultaneously hating that so many shared that view, it kind of felt like a huge weight had been lifted from my shoulders because what I could do about it became really clear. I can stop internalizing that and then projecting it onto other women and men as well.

You weren't being austere, you were expressing opinions intelligently and I saw it as a negative personality trait, which at the time I never would have thought of a male doing the same.

It's undoubtedly an important step, but sometimes I feel terrible when I examine my own beliefs etc. and find that I've perpetuated the very thing I wish to detract from


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LKL
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10 Dec 2012, 4:13 am

The fact that you're not only self-aware, but able to be honest with yourself in a way that sometimes makes you uncomfortable, puts you ahead of at least 80% of the rest of humanity :wink:
I find that I tend to like people in general better if I can make myself think about them, each one, as a 'person' rather than as a man or a woman. 'Are they a good person' is a much bigger space to work in than 'is he a good man' or 'is she a good woman.'

And, thank you for the compliments. :)



Kjas
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10 Dec 2012, 11:15 pm

meems wrote:
LKL wrote:
^that makes perfect sense in some ways; we all unconsciously pick up ideas about how other people are supposed to act, based on what 'type' we are supposed to class them as, and are uncomfortable if someone acts outside their type.

I was never good at internalizing what 'girls' are supposed to be like, so I guess I might make people uncomfortable by acting outside of the culturally enforced 'female' type.

(/armchair psychoanalysis)


I would see your posts and think you were being so austere, and at some point I realized what bothered me was that I felt like I had to communicate in an impossible way that proved I was both feminine and yet not empty-headed, which I felt was the default position of females. Either morons or cold hearted b*****s.

When I realized I felt like that, whilst simultaneously hating that so many shared that view, it kind of felt like a huge weight had been lifted from my shoulders because what I could do about it became really clear. I can stop internalizing that and then projecting it onto other women and men as well.

You weren't being austere, you were expressing opinions intelligently and I saw it as a negative personality trait, which at the time I never would have thought of a male doing the same.

It's undoubtedly an important step, but sometimes I feel terrible when I examine my own beliefs etc. and find that I've perpetuated the very thing I wish to detract from


Actaully that is probably why so many of the women on here get mistaken for men - simply it's socially acceptable for men to act and talk that way, but for women it isn't (so retarded, yet so true).

At least I know I do - and I assume it is for the reasons above.


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LKL
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11 Dec 2012, 12:11 am

Men get more respect on the internet anyway, so I generally don't correct people if they assume that I'm a man. Whatever it takes for them to judge me for my ideas and avoid the whole, "TOGO" syndrome, you know?



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12 Dec 2012, 11:01 pm

I have been described as weird.Some folks told my son that they thought I was strange till they visited with me one day,then they said I was nice. :roll:
I was on my best "behavior" that day,it made me tired as hell to pull it off,I thought they would NEVER leave.That's what happens if you pull off "fake" socialization,they feel comfortable and want to hang around.