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Yuugiri
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21 Jan 2013, 8:31 pm

I definitely want one. Two, actually. Hoping for a girl and a boy, just so I can name them Freya and Kain. /shot

The thing is, I doubt I'll ever find a partner or anything, and even if I do, it'll likely be a girl, so... adoption, I guess?



Catharascotia
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22 Jan 2013, 2:52 am

pokerface wrote:
One of those reasons is that I don't want to pass my aspergers, or a more severe form of autism, on to a next generation. I don't think that autism is so terrible that no one should be born with it but it definitely makes life more complicated and difficult.
Another reason is that I am not completely sure if I would be a really good and stable parent which is what children deserve and need most of all. I have seen too many examples of people who don't handle parenthood well at all and I don't want become one of them. Not for my own sake but for the sake of the (hypothetical) children.


Yes, exactly. Everyone on both sides of my family has some form of neurological disorder, be it depression, anxiety, OCD, or me with my ASD. Even if the father was totally normal, I don't want to risk giving birth to a child who would grow up as miserable, lonely and difficult as I was as a child (and still am, though a bit less so). I don't think I would be a good parent, either, and it's unlikely that I'll ever get married, considering my lack of appeal to the opposite sex, so raising a kid myself would be extra rough. But if I did decide I wanted children and had the means to raise them myself, I would adopt--there are many kids already born who need homes.



kirostun
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22 Jan 2013, 10:15 am

Yuugiri wrote:
I definitely want one. Two, actually. Hoping for a girl and a boy, just so I can name them Freya and Kain. /shot

The thing is, I doubt I'll ever find a partner or anything, and even if I do, it'll likely be a girl, so... adoption, I guess?

Same thing here. Nice name though.



chlov
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22 Jan 2013, 1:30 pm

Dunno. I'm young, I still have much time to think about it.
However, I don't want to get pregnant to have a child. If I'll ever have some, I'll adopt them.



ColdEyesWarmHeart
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22 Jan 2013, 2:00 pm

I've never wanted children. I adore my nephews, but that is a totally different game to being their mum and having to raise them and care for them day-to-day.

Even so, I'm finding things a little sad right now. I'm 32 and have had T1 diabetes since childhood and I was told years ago that getting pregnant after 30 was very high-risk, to my health moreso than the baby's. Plus now, following blood tests I had before Christmas, my doctor thinks I could be pre-menopausal and if so the time to get pregnant is running out full stop, risky or not.

I don't regret not having children but I do regret the way I've been single (not through choice) since 20 and have never met anyone I'd want to have a child with, let alone actually sit down and have the discussion on whether we have children or not. Childfree was my choice but now it is what fate has forced upon me. And that's quite difficult to deal with.



MantisFace
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23 Jan 2013, 7:28 pm

I do want to have kids some day, I get along best with kids and I want to have a chance to raise kids and give them an awesome childhood



pokerface
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24 Jan 2013, 5:10 pm

ColdEyesWarmHeart wrote:
I've never wanted children. I adore my nephews, but that is a totally different game to being their mum and having to raise them and care for them day-to-day.

Even so, I'm finding things a little sad right now. I'm 32 and have had T1 diabetes since childhood and I was told years ago that getting pregnant after 30 was very high-risk, to my health moreso than the baby's. Plus now, following blood tests I had before Christmas, my doctor thinks I could be pre-menopausal and if so the time to get pregnant is running out full stop, risky or not.

I don't regret not having children but I do regret the way I've been single (not through choice) since 20 and have never met anyone I'd want to have a child with, let alone actually sit down and have the discussion on whether we have children or not. Childfree was my choice but now it is what fate has forced upon me. And that's quite difficult to deal with.


I don't regret having children either but it is feels like a painful decision to make sometimes. Therefore I sympathise with your situation, especially since it is due to circumstances that you didn't have them instead of a conscious decision.

If I would have been selfish and thoughtless I would have had kids by now. I sometimes feel that I am missing out on the most important thing that can happen in ta woman's life. I always wanted to be sure that I would raise children in the best possible way and since that has not been the case so far I just decided not to do it.



ColdEyesWarmHeart
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25 Jan 2013, 12:37 pm

pokerface wrote:
ColdEyesWarmHeart wrote:
I've never wanted children. I adore my nephews, but that is a totally different game to being their mum and having to raise them and care for them day-to-day.

Even so, I'm finding things a little sad right now. I'm 32 and have had T1 diabetes since childhood and I was told years ago that getting pregnant after 30 was very high-risk, to my health moreso than the baby's. Plus now, following blood tests I had before Christmas, my doctor thinks I could be pre-menopausal and if so the time to get pregnant is running out full stop, risky or not.

I don't regret not having children but I do regret the way I've been single (not through choice) since 20 and have never met anyone I'd want to have a child with, let alone actually sit down and have the discussion on whether we have children or not. Childfree was my choice but now it is what fate has forced upon me. And that's quite difficult to deal with.


I don't regret having children either but it is feels like a painful decision to make sometimes. Therefore I sympathise with your situation, especially since it is due to circumstances that you didn't have them instead of a conscious decision.

If I would have been selfish and thoughtless I would have had kids by now. I sometimes feel that I am missing out on the most important thing that can happen in ta woman's life. I always wanted to be sure that I would raise children in the best possible way and since that has not been the case so far I just decided not to do it.


Thanks. It is tough when we don't get the chance to make a decision but rather have to go with what fate has in store.

There is just no way I could have a child now. I don't have a steady job, I temp through an agency, there are weeks I don't have work and need to claim benefits, and I'm not entitled to maternity pay. I live in a houseshare and enjoy it and like my housemates, and if I had a baby I would need to move, and where to? There isn't enough social housing for everyone that needs it, we could be in temp accommodation for years. I don't have family nearby to help. My horrible suicidal depression has stabilised thanks to a new course of ADs and I'd have to come off those if pregnant. And what if diabetes complications in pregnancy left me disabled with a baby to care for? That's before we get to the fact I don't have a boyfriend of any kind, even if I did I wouldn't get pregnant on purpose without his agreement, and I wouldn't want to use a donor and bring a child into the world without a dad. I realise parents can be happy together and separate later down the line, but I wouldn't start out as a single mum by choice.

But then again, if I met the right man and we decided we wanted to raise children, there is adoption, surrogate mothers... Probably better given my health conditions that I don't go through with pregnancy and clearly my genetic material isn't all that great, so I'm not desperate to pass it on.

So yes, the way the dice have fallen, I will never have children that are my own flesh and blood - but I don't think that really matters. Plenty of parents love their stepkids & adopted kids just as much. And maybe I'll be Auntie to every little one around, getting old disgracefully, gin drinking, purple hair, scarlet lipstick & 15 cats, setting the bad example! :lol:



metaldanielle
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25 Jan 2013, 1:39 pm

NO! I am sure I would be a bad mother (can't stand noise, need tons of alone time), and my health is bad. I don't want to pass on anything I have or am at risk for. Plus, pushing a kid out a tiny hole, no matter how stretchy it is, kinda sucks, so does the alternative of having ur stomach split open.


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MONKEY
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25 Jan 2013, 2:04 pm

The urge is intense, yes. But I need to wait until I have a partner and financial security, I hope it doesn't take too long.


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JellyCat
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26 Jan 2013, 5:39 am

I have a strong urge to have them (biological urge). 'but don't think that I ever should. My mental health sucks (so I would be-able to properly look after them), even if it improves, there's a good chance that my health could get worse after a couple of years after having the child. Also, there's a good chance that I could pass on many of my mental health issues to them, and I really don't think that it's a good idea to bring any child into this World when it's so cruel... especially a child who could have all sorts of issues. Also, looking at the way things are going, (the World becoming more intolerant of differences ect.) the World is only going to become a much harder place to live in with time.



namaste
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27 Jan 2013, 12:44 pm

i have a kid, in india there is arranged marriage system and soon after marriage people expect you to have 2-3 kids
but seriously i dont know how to handle myself and i have a tough time dealing with the kid
often i feel i should run away from home or end up my life

its too much of a work
and there is no social support
most of the people from my dads family are in mental institution
my moms side people are reclusive and not in touch
and my hubby's side people are outgoing and overboard

and somewhere im sandwiched between gods knows what
i give up :roll:


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nikkiDT
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27 Jan 2013, 1:04 pm

Yes. Becoming a mother is one of my lifelong dreams. But I want to finish college, get a job and be more financially secure before I start having kids. I want 2 of them.



aspiekelly
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27 Jan 2013, 7:30 pm

I have gone back and forth on wanting kids, but yes, I would like kids!
I wish it were much easier to adopt as there are sooo many kids out there who need a home! I would love to adopt but the whole process seems.. stressful to say the least!



EmoGlambertAspie
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27 Jan 2013, 8:58 pm

Not really. I think mine and my boyfriend's babies would be cute and smart but I don't think that's justification for throwing away my career, ruining my body, sex life and self esteem, or the 24/7 care they need. I don't think I'd make a good parent.

IF I decide to have a child it will be ONE child AFTER we save enough money for the birth plus the corrective surgery on my stomach, breasts and vagina.


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CDSherwood
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28 Jan 2013, 6:47 pm

I always wanted kids, and have gone on to have two boys who are ages 6 and 9. I always respected people who chose not to have them, because I think people are entitled to their beliefs, but I didn't truly appreciate why people would choose not to have them until I had my own. I adore my children. They are sweet, smart, funny, etc. However, when I've having really bad days dealing with my sensory issues the sounds of their voices can really just grate on my nerves. I would often feel burnt out when they were babies and needed all that attention. I like to cuddle, but only on my terms, so I would often be touched out by the end of the day. I never made them cry it out at night, but there were times when I would be afraid I'd lose my cool and would just have to put them in their crib or playpen and cry myself out in a corner. Now that they are older they can understand when I need a little bit to myself in a dark room if I've had a bad day at work.