Why is it that he is "smart", but I am "lucky"?

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...when my brother and I do the exact same thing?

I play games with my family a lot. In all honesty, my brother is the only competition I have. I used to count cards/points/etc. for everyone in the game. But, that clouded up my head a lot. When I realized only he or I every win and everyone else is far below, I decided to only count his.

Anyway, I think we are evenly matched. I just won a game with them, and everyone talks about smart my brother is still! Even though I won! They commented on how lucky I got. So frustrating!

This kind of thing has happened all my life.

I could say the same that boys are being prided as "strong" and girls as "pretty".

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(With apologies for intruding in "Women's Discussion".)

Similar thing happened to me at uni - I would score an 'A' on an exam and be called 'lucky' by everyone (including the instructor), while those who score 'B' or 'C' were called 'smart'.

My guess is that social skills are seen as 'smart', while knowing the subject matter was seen as 'stupid'. I've never been socially adept, but I always know my subject matter!

Totally happy to hear your response, fnord!

I only posted here because my best guess was that it was related to gender.

My brother and I held the same diagnoses as children.


He is more showy though. I've always been quieter with what I know/do.

The difference is that he wins using thought processes or strategies that they understand.

You think differently--they don't have a clue as to how you are winning. Therefore, it must be luck.

Smart=earned, Lucky=undeserved. It's a passive-aggressive method of invalidation that you're being subjected to, I suggest returning the favor: Next time you win a few in a row, just keep pointing out how "lucky" you are. "Oh I'm SOOOO lucky." "Who needs smarts when you're as lucky as I am?" "I shouldn't be playing this game, I should be in Vegas right now because I have SOOO much luck right now." "Imagine if I were smart, with all this luck I'd be unstoppable."

If you do nothing it will continue. If you bring up the different treatment you'll only be met with defensiveness. If you mention sexism you'll be shut out. That's why I recommend the passive-aggressive treatment: they're using it and if it's good enough for the goose, well you know the saying. Hopefully they'll mull it over in their sub-conscious and react differently in the future.