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SeriousGirl
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07 Apr 2007, 7:25 pm

Switch, everything in your posts says he is trying to exert power over you, hon. He's trying to change your behavior by subjugating you. Unfortunately, I don't see a happy resolution to this.

If your sorry excuse for a husband isn't caring - or even curious - enough to read about AS, then is he worth any effort on your part?

I understand you feel trapped and I wish there were some comforting words I can give you. It takes so much energy to deal with 2 kids, I know.

This is what I would do: stop talking about AS and be ratiional. Talk about what a jerk - and an uninformed jerk at that - he is and go on the offense. Throw NT psychobabble at him: "you don't validate my feelings," "you're insensitive to my needs," "your constant criticism is making me depressed." And I'm sure all of it is true.

Make him responsible for his actions.


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Esperanza
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08 Apr 2007, 5:37 am

SeriousGirl wrote:
Switch, everything in your posts says he is trying to exert power over you, hon. He's trying to change your behavior by subjugating you. Unfortunately, I don't see a happy resolution to this.

If your sorry excuse for a husband isn't caring - or even curious - enough to read about AS, then is he worth any effort on your part?

I understand you feel trapped and I wish there were some comforting words I can give you. It takes so much energy to deal with 2 kids, I know.

This is what I would do: stop talking about AS and be ratiional. Talk about what a jerk - and an uninformed jerk at that - he is and go on the offense. Throw NT psychobabble at him: "you don't validate my feelings," "you're insensitive to my needs," "your constant criticism is making me depressed." And I'm sure all of it is true.

Make him responsible for his actions.


Quoted for truth.



ahayes
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08 Apr 2007, 5:50 am

My mom's boyfriend is like this. *sigh* I wish I knew what to do.



SeriousGirl
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09 Apr 2007, 10:45 am

Hmmm. I wonder what is happening with Switch?


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ZanneMarie
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09 Apr 2007, 11:39 am

I don't know. I don't like him threatening her the way he does. I wouldn't put it past him to get hooked up with those FAAAS wackos and try to lock her up. I really wish she could dump him.



Esperanza
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09 Apr 2007, 7:07 pm

SeriousGirl wrote:
Hmmm. I wonder what is happening with Switch?


I'm a little worried too.



Kanga
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09 Apr 2007, 8:46 pm

If he was doing more than his share, you wouldn't have to work for 100 hours per week.
That's over 4 x 24 hours.

Just because you/your son haven't been diagnosed yet doesn't mean you're not AS.
If you are, he'll have a lot of apologising to do so he might as well start now, as well as reading up on it.

If he won't accept you/your son is AS until diagnosis, he should equally not believe you're schizophrenic until diagnosis.
Telling you you're psycho in any case is mental (!) abuse.

I think you'd choose being left over being locked up in the psych ward, though I think you'd be calling his bluff as he's playing upon your "weakness".
These are sadly not the words of someone who loves you and I also note you don't state you're scared he'd leave you because you love him, rather than because you feel as as you would not cope (I think you could and would cope, having felt the fear and done it anyway myself).

Random thoughts - hope you're alright though :)



Sedaka
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10 Apr 2007, 2:14 am

didnt have time to read all the responses...

but it sounds really shitty that he wont even consider As a possiblity. i honestly doubt he even knows how to accurately define schitzo properly... so how could he even begin to fathom AS?

i read up til the mozart and the whale thing... that sounded somewhat positive.

he needs to find a way to become more informed... otherwise he'll keep belittling your plight


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beentheredonethat
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24 Apr 2007, 2:02 pm

Look, who says you have to be superwoman?
Some men get scared when their wives aren't superwomen. Me included....but I'm VERY careful not to say anything, because my wife has MS, which makes it very difficult to live, and she's scared (rightly), so I just quietly do some of the stuff myself. It does't hurt anything. It sure doesn't hurt me. I'm tired, so.....I get a little more tired. Then I go to sleep.

We've been married for 19 years.

cheers.
btdt



beentheredonethat
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24 Apr 2007, 2:09 pm

See someone professional if you can afford it. Some of the things I hear you saying can be dealt with, but you need the help of someone who deals with this stuff on a professional level. Don't hit yourself. Even if you are doing something wrong, you don't deserve that. What are you doing, hitting yourself before someone else does? (I'm not mocking you). You're lucky you resolved the issues about touch and you can be "all over the guy." Physical helps, believe me. It doesn't solve everything, but it helps.

btdt



Louise
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30 Apr 2007, 4:24 am

I've not got time to read all of this thread at the moment, but just to reply to your first post...

He did say that if either me or our son was officially diagnosed, then he'd actually read about Asperger's and see if there's anything that can "be done about it".

That's missing the point. He needs to read up about it and see what he can be doing to help and to understand you better, not sulk that you're not and can't be (and imo shouldn't be) what he expects from an 'ideal wife'.

he'll end up standing there saying the meanest things he can think of to me while I sit on the floor, cry and hit myself.

And that's just abusive. A large percentage of love, or even normal human decency, is to not want someone else to get hurt. If you're that distressed and he's just standing there distressing you further, *sentence ended to avoid expletive descriptions*

Seriously though, he doesn't sound like he deserves to be married. Maybe see if you can try couples counselling or something.


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calandale
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30 Apr 2007, 5:56 am

As far as I can tell, they are in the process
of becoming separated.