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RedwoodCat
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09 Feb 2012, 11:52 am

I've been reading this book about female hormones that describes how the act of taking care of others releases pleasurable hormones in women. I personally have taken care of kids, men, and my mom when she was dying, but I never got any pleasure from it. It was just a duty on my plate that I did out of love, but it's always been anything but pleasurable. It's just something that takes time away from my interests. How do other AS women feel when they take care of others?


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OliveOilMom
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09 Feb 2012, 12:18 pm

It isn't pleasurable, but it's satisfying to me. Caring for, meeting the needs of, and pleasing, those I love gives me a feeling of accomplishment. The fact that they appreciate it and thank me shows that my effort was worthwhile. Being a housewife, my job is basically caring for the needs of my family. I do enjoy doing it. Sometimes I feel that it's pointless, and sometimes I don't enjoy the actual tasks, but I do enjoy knowing that it's done, seeing the results, and knowing that I did them.


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RedwoodCat
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09 Feb 2012, 12:25 pm

OliveOilMom wrote:
It isn't pleasurable, but it's satisfying to me. Caring for, meeting the needs of, and pleasing, those I love gives me a feeling of accomplishment. The fact that they appreciate it and thank me shows that my effort was worthwhile. Being a housewife, my job is basically caring for the needs of my family. I do enjoy doing it. Sometimes I feel that it's pointless, and sometimes I don't enjoy the actual tasks, but I do enjoy knowing that it's done, seeing the results, and knowing that I did them.


I like the way you put this. I don't feel the sort of pleasure described in the book, but I do feel satisfaction and accomplishment. Thanks.


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starlighter
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19 Feb 2012, 9:17 pm

I think yes, I actually take from it, pleasure. unconsciounsly, .



Ai_Ling
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20 Feb 2012, 4:51 pm

I've never really had to take care of people. I would guess I wouldn't get pleasure out of doing so. I didnt really understand it from other women how they got pleasure out of taking care of others.



RedwoodCat
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20 Feb 2012, 5:05 pm

I think perhaps I'm just a masculine woman. I've always preferred doing "guy" things to hanging out with other women. I've always hated all things domestic like cooking, sewing, decorating, etc.


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dreamy
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20 Feb 2012, 6:08 pm

Sometimes yes, sometimes no.

I agree with the pleasure/satisfaction distinction.

I have trouble focusing if it's not something I want to do, so it depends on what I'm doing for the person, if I'm preoccupied with something else, and everything else about the situation.

I have the "guy" thing too.



dreamy
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20 Feb 2012, 6:10 pm

I don't know Aspie females, but maybe some could like caregiving. It would be specific expectations and doing what is needed most and making someone happy. I could imagine them liking it.



sleepingpancake
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22 Apr 2016, 6:54 am

it is indeed satisfying :-D ...an unconscious joy even


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kraftiekortie
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22 Apr 2016, 7:51 am

In my opinion, women (in general) are fortunate in this regard.

They have (in general) more of an affinity for caregiving and nurturing.

(in general), caring and nurturing come more naturally to them.

Fortunate because the benefit derived from being nurtured, and doing the nurturing, far outweighs that derived from living a life of so-called "enlightened self interest."

This does not necessarily apply on an individual basis. There are certain men who are more nurturing and caring than certain women.



nerdygirl
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22 Apr 2016, 2:51 pm

For me, it depends on the day and what I am doing.

Sometimes, I get great pleasure out of caring for people. It is a way for me to show I love them. I get a lot of pleasure when I am thanked or told I did something like make a great meal. I get pleasure out of seeing my kids grow up and do things they are good at because I helped them get there. I like my family and I enjoy spending time with them more than most other people.

I like doing things that are creative, so as long as I am *making* something, I am generally happy. That could be music-related (which is the part that gets me income), or even cooking, sewing, or doing another craft. I absolutely hate housework, though, so that always puts me in a bad mood.

The main thing that distresses me about caring for others is not getting enough time to myself. If I get enough time to care for myself and do my own thing, I do OK. It is easier for me to find pleasure caring for others when I am not overloaded. When my kids were very young, it was extremely hard for me because I never got a break. Now that they are older, I am finding it easier.

When we go through a stressful period, of course that is tougher. But they don't last forever. I do think I find it easier to be at home caring for my family than I would if I were at work every day. Right now, I work about 20 hours a week teaching and accompanying, and that satisfies the "me time", especially when I get to drive alone to where I'm going.

I homeschool my kids, which satisfies some intellectual pursuits, but if they were in school and I was at home, I would have to find some activity to keep me going. I would not be happy if my ONLY thing to do was caring for others.



ConceptuallyCurious
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22 Apr 2016, 4:54 pm

I didn't enjoy volunteering in adult mental health and don't think I'd like a very medicalised role.

I really enjoy working with kids, though. Especially children with sn.


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Zizu58
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22 Apr 2016, 5:12 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
In my opinion, women (in general) are fortunate in this regard.

This does not necessarily apply on an individual basis. There are certain men who are more nurturing and caring than certain women.



Correct . Male here who LOVES helping out others in any way possible , even giving away possessions if someone else shows an interest in them ! !

And yet , I can be incredibly selfish as well ... Puzzling !