driving self crazy thinking about whether I'm on spectrum

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swordrat32
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26 Apr 2017, 9:26 pm

watersfan wrote:
I went through the exact same thing as poster. I went to my first assessment appointment on Saturday, I won't be able to let it rest until I know.


I hope getting evaluated helps you! I'm on a waiting list for a low-cost evaluation place right now, though part of me wonders if that's a mistake given how much misdiagnosis I read about it. Maybe worth paying more for specialists? I don't know, but I figure it'll at least be one data point even if it doesn't feel definitive.

Those of you who have gotten diagnosed, did you go to a place that specialized in ASD or was it more general?



SlowMazorati
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27 Apr 2017, 4:21 pm

I feel just the same, but am much older and was diagnosed with what i know is an inappropriate label within psychiatry. It was easier to try and fit another label than fight them. I didn't know what was 'wrong'. Now i don't have trust or confidence to go through the English NHS system. The only place i can read about similar people is on the internet and in books. I cannot attend any groups etc. without a diagnosis. If i pay for an assessment the centre still wants input from a psychiatrist who is involved. The psychiatric hospital in Camberwell london simply doesn't consider autism a mental illness, so will not even talk with me. I don't consider it a mental illness, but the difficulties cause depression. I need a diagnosis to access any support in how to cope alone. Like the original poster, i need a diagnosis to confirm whether my strong convictions are correct or whether i am not entitled to say I'm an aspie. I too do not like deliberate falsehoods. I would urge you to go for it and not leave it till it's too late. It would probably clarify your mind and hopefully help you to find a direction to develop your character in. To work with what your brain can do, not struggling to force it to do the things it won't. Or am i just mad? I don't really know if i shall ever find out.



swordrat32
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27 Apr 2017, 9:11 pm

SlowMazorati, I'm so sorry, that sounds like it's really hard and has been for a long time. Sending you love and wishes for a path forward, and thanks for your thoughts.



SlowMazorati
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28 Apr 2017, 9:10 am

Thanks Swordrat23. Your replying means a lot. I guess I'm trying to say that if you get the chance to be assessed go for it. Deal with the outcome when you receive the results. Talk to or with similar minded people when you get the chance. Nobody should have to be an island if they don't want to be. I'm 62. Things were different for my generation and before. Don't struggle to get through to retirement without finding out the answer to your question, not unless you are sure it will never bug you again. I sincerely hope you can find a way through. Remember too that there are things you can probably do that nts find difficult or impossible. You have true empathy for a start. So go for it if that's what you want. I get the distinct impression in uk that dedicated centres are best, but don't know where you are. Lorna Wing centre in uk looks very promising. You might find somewhere similar. All the best. Enjoy the sunshine if it's sunny where you are. :D



The_Blode
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28 Apr 2017, 9:27 am

swordrat32 wrote:
Hi, I'm new here so feel free to direct me to the right place if this conversation has been had before/is being had elsewhere. I've struggled with anxiety around social encounters all my life, among other things. I've briefly wondered in the past if I might be somewhere on the autism spectrum, but dismissed it. Three weeks ago a counselor I'm seeing said she thinks from the way I talk and some of my behaviors/issues, I might be on the spectrum, probably pretty close to the edge of being diagnosable.

In some ways it feels really attractive to imagine finally having a label for what's going on with me, and it feels like a useful way to maybe be able to let go of trying to fix all my social quirks/discomfort/stimming habits, etc., and just accept that maybe there'll always be a certain level at which some things will just be harder for me, and that's OK. (Of course that may be true whether or not ASD is the cause, but it feels different somehow.)

But, I'm getting REALLY caught up in trying to figure out if this is "true", like is it really being on the spectrum that explains some of my difficulties/traits, or is it better explained by anxiety alone, or something else altogether. So I find myself going over and over and over everything I do and everything I ever have done and everything I've ever felt, asking myself whether it "fits" with being on the spectrum or not. I've been reading lots of articles about women on the spectrum and getting fixated on the ways they do or don't sound like me. A lot of things seem to fit and some don't of course, and some of the behaviors that do fit only happen at some times, so I have never-ending opportunities to reanalyze. And now instead of just being my normal anxious/lost/frustrated in social situations, there's an additional layer of me analyzing what I'm doing to see how "autistic" I think it is.

I'm considering whether to seek a diagnosis, but of course diagnoses are not everything. I know that I might be on the spectrum and not be diagnosable or not be on the spectrum but be misdiagnosed. So I'm trying not to fixate on that (though it's hard for me not to want the label).

But in the meantime all this analyzing in circles is not feeling very good for me, and I get frustrated with myself for not being able to stop. I've already been struggling at work recently, and this is making it harder than ever to concentrate. I'm trying to practice self-forgiveness, and remind myself that it's natural to want answers, and that getting stuck in certain thoughts and seeing things as black and white may actually be part of what's going on if I am on the spectrum. But it's just been feeling very hard to get out of going in circles.

So I guess I'm wondering if anyone else has gone through something similar, getting fixated on whether they're on the spectrum or not, or fixated on how being on the spectrum affects them. And if so, how did/do you move through it or is it something you still struggle with?

Thanks for bearing with me through this long post and thanks in advance for any thoughts.


^ WP is with you 100%. . .diagnosed or otherwise. . .I was in a similar situation to yourself. . .I saw a counsellor who said from the very first session with me. . .I was on the spectrum. . .

The first thing you should is weigh up the pros and cons of a diagnosis and how they may benefit you;

Pros of diag. . .
- Access to Autism groups and support
- Deeper understanding of past issues
- Deeper understanding of yourself
- Improved self esteem
- Improved confidence
- Protected by law under Disability Act

Cons of diag. . .
- Lifelong disability on record
- No guarantee of support (subject to availability in your part of the world)
- It won't fix the problems you have, it will only help you understand them
- Family/Friends will need to readjust

I would start by thinking it through, if you want a diagnosis see if your doctor can book you in for an assessment with a psychologist who specialises in Autism. . .I went through it. . .and don't be discouraged by some of the things they may ask you. . .I felt like a child during my assessment. . .they asked me to read a picture book for children and I felt like crying. . .because I felt strange. . .

Having my diagnosis has really changed my life. . .it's given me answers that were missing before. . .it's given my life some direction too. . .I don't wonder too much and I have a base to build my self esteem and confidence up. . .I believe in 'Aspie power'. . .

I'm here for you. . .if you're in the UK. . .I can help you get the info you need. . . :heart: