I Don't Get Along with Women My Age

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This has pretty much always been the case. I used to get along mainly with kids younger than me. I'm not saying "my best friends are guys" because that would be a lie, as I don't have any guy friends. Now, at age 23, I find women my age to be hard to befriend. It seems that even when I think I have a good female friend, they never want to be 'best friends' - which is what I usually prefer having, as opposed to a huge social circle (that is also impossible for me, given my intense introversion). I might have one female friend, but this friend ALWAYS has a social circle of friends to call on at any given moment. I never understood this.

Another thing about NT females my age is that they tend to:
1) Over compliment each other ("Well hello, gorgeous! I love you so muchhh")
2) Jokingly insult each other ("Hey, you sl*t")

I get that it is all jokes and sarcasm, etc. but I just... feel like it all can be a bit fake? Not to mention NT females tend to obsess over drama. Even the nerdy and awkward possible Aspie girls I knew ended up either involving me in their petty 'drama' or becoming distant when they realized that I wanted to become best friends with them.

Nowadays, I tend to get along best with older women. My mom has become my best friend, in a sense.

I'm 33. Most of my friends are in their mid 50's to early 60's. It's been that way for most of my life. Although I've usually had one or two acquaintances my own age, I've generally gotten along a lot better with people who are older than me. I think this is relatively common for women on the spectrum, at least from what I've read.

I don't get it either. I do have female friends in my age (also 23 by the way), but I've never actually befriended anyone myself, I wouldn't know how to do it purposely. I either get aggressively befriended by someone very extrovert, or just slide into a friendship on the back of someone I already know.
I do like hanging out with those friends, but also find a lot of things about them annoying. It's quite exhausting with all the touching and weird non-problems they're having. But at least I don't have to deal with the fakeness you're talking about. I know it well, but luckily those aren't the kind of people I know.

I am really glad that all of my friends have that pool of other friends to pick from. Just imagine the pressure of being someone's only friend. That makes you the one they go to for everything. I wonder how often the average 23yearold woman meet with her friends. It's definitely way more than the one time per month I have the energy to meet people. Wouldn't want to be the only option.

I used to have a very dramatic friend who didn't have any options over me, and so she got a little clingy. Whenever she was going through tough times, my phone was ringing several times a day. And in the middle of the night.
I didn't want to ignore her, because I understand that even if I couldn't relate to her problems, they were really important to her. But I had a hard time dealing with it. She took up a lot of time and energy, and I got nervous and felt guilty.
I would have wished that she had someone to go to who could be better emotional support.

I try to avoid the responsibility of being someone's best friend from now on. The whole concept is pretty strange to me anyway. Who is the best friend? I couldn't choose which one of my friends I like better, because different friends are good for different things. I have one that I like discussing art with, another is good for drinking beer with, and one is good for hiking-company. And those are the three people I know.

I have no idea how to make friends with girls my age. I used to be good at it but now I have no confidence that I could do it, if I wanted to. A lot of the problem is situational. Where would I find people with common interests or compatible personalities, as someone who doesn't socialise beyond work? And what would we do? How do people socialise at this age? And do they really get anything much out of it, or do they pretend to as a form of denial, because life is essentially lonely and people are perhaps too inherently selfish to provide or accept genuine companionship.

What I've really noticed is that I push people away. Before 16 or so, I wouldn't do that. Now when someone tries to engage with me, I'm all closed off. I think I would rather be secure in my friendlessness than take the risk and the bother/stress/time demands of accepting friendship. < And that sentence right there is why it baffles me that people want to talk to me anyway .

I can get along fine with 20-somethings if I mimic them a little and chameleon into their way of speaking. But I can't get along fine with them as me.

Same here. I'm 26 (well, I will be tomorrow) and I find that I usually can't relate very well to women my age. I only have two female friends who are my age, but both of them are childhood friends that I've managed to keep for all these years. I really haven't made any new female friends as an adult. When it comes to people my own age, I definitely seem to get along with and have an easier time talking to guys (unless I'm really attracted to them of course...then I feel nervous around them). And I do get along pretty well with my mom's female friends who are in their 50s.

Happy (late) birthday, hannahjrob!

And I can relate a lot. I still have a few female friends around my age who I met when I was younger, but even them I've mostly drifted away from. I've hit a weird point where I've realized I actually could probably be better friends with guys in some cases, but then it's also hard to tell with guys in their 20's if they actually want more or are just trying to take advantage (at least the ones in my life) rather than genuine friendship, so I guess I just don't really get close with people my age in general. But with women, at least, I do feel like I relate with older women more in some ways.

At 22, I couldn't relate well with women of my age.


For as long as I could remember, people have this certain tone in every conversation I heard from others regardless the atmosphere, mood, or situation... Or even AGE groups, or cliche, or any dynamics really... I don't know what it meant, even if I receive said tone or somehow a part of it. I rarely ever give the same 'tone'... And it's tricky to pull it off naturally.
Regardless, said 'tone' is somewhat relevant -- yet it's more than just a word of fact...
That's all I know for now. And this part of the post is nonsensical. Again. It's something that cannot easily describe, but I know it exists in most conversations exchanged between allistics. I 'get' mine between myself and (rare individuals or moments as supposedly as) equals.

And I confess, my mom is also my sort-of bestie.
If not, I'd rather hang out with some of my mom's friends (they come with ages late 20s to late 90s), my aunts, grandaunts (I have a LOT of them. Some at my mom's side are even younger than her). Or heck, even my only living great-grandmother.

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If you are of a different age I think it is easier to overlook the lack of a non-verbal connection typical of Aspies. You expect some awkwardness so you aren't bothered by it and proceed to form a relationship without a non-verbal connection.

I have difficulty with women who aren’t tomboyish. I went to coed schools so I’ve never understood gangs of girls getting around together.

I used to have the issue. I'm still a bit afraid of the sweet-bitchy mix some young women show. Too confusing for me.
Most of my life, I hanged out with the boys. When my therapist digged in this, probably suspecting some gender identity issues, I came to the conclusion that the reason was: when boys accepted me in their band, they had already proven that they are ready to accept someone who is different. They never expected me to be perfectly like them, which gave me more freedom to be my way while still part of the group.

I generally get on best with older women, too. There are a few exceptions scattered here and there in my life: a welcome relief in some ways as it gives me hope that perhaps I'll improve my abysmal social skills with enough practice!
Though I could certainly speculate why other women of my own age group seem to avoid me - the rare times I'm actually in such company - from my own perspective they are admittedly the top category of people I'm most insecure and anxious to spend time with. Whether this is some sort of instinctive response after years of extreme high school bullying by girls or some other plethora of reasons, I don't know. Girls do seem more aware of one another, if that makes any sense... Perhaps it's only natural to feel tense around someone of your own gender/age group, due to the thought they'll be more aware of your shortcomings because of their similarities?
In any case it's always a pleasure to meet a genuinely pleasant woman who is easy to talk to, instead of the 'fool's gold' personality of a casual acquaintance who doesn't care about you either way.

I get along with other humans in small doses, but there are things I’ll probably never be able to relate to in regards to many women: the effusive gushing, the petty gossip, the obsession with having babies, the drama, & omg the talking. So much talking. Men are certainly not devoid of these traits also, but I find them easier to avoid.

I agree with everything here.

I generally find women my age hard to relate to and be friends with. Most women my age have children and have had several relationships. I haven't done any of that yet. I do click better with some older women. Most women I have known, regardless of age, are drama queens and have tried to turn other people against me. Women are quick to figure out that I'm different and weird. I have two very good friends in my age group but they moved away when I was a teenager. I haven't been able to make any other friends since then.

Hahaha women my age 52 are all carrying around grandchildren pictures and wedding pics of their kids. Hell I'm not even close to that stage.