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hurtloam
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17 Jan 2021, 10:08 am

Interesting article about spinsters.


Quote:
And yet the original spinsters were a not-unrespectable class of tradespeople. The term came into existence in the mid-1300s to describe those who spun thread and yarn, a low-income job that was one of the few available to lower-status, unmarried women. Most still lived in the family home, where their financial contributions were no doubt greatly appreciated. The term bore no stigma and was used almost as a surname, like Smith or Mason or Taylor.

Spinsterhood was accompanied by unusual legal and economic freedoms. The feudal law of couverture invested men with absolute power over their wives, and the “feme sole”, or unmarried woman, was the only category of female legally entitled to own and sell possessions, sign contracts, represent herself in court, or retain wages. It wasn’t until the late 18th century that people began to despise the spinster and that was largely thanks to the poets, playwrights and other trendsetters of the time, who turned her into one of the most pitiable creatures in literature and, by extension, society.


Bloomin poets and playwrites.


https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2021/jan/17/why-are-increasing-numbers-of-women-choosing-to-be-single



Purpopcorn
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30 Jan 2021, 8:05 pm

Yes, I am a spinster. After some terrible relationships, I realized I am happier and safer on my own. When I was younger, this was one of my biggest fears. But now, it doesn't bother me.



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30 Jan 2021, 8:39 pm

No, I really like being in a relationship...I mean even when I was a bit younger I thought it would be really nice to just be in a close relationship with someone where we're not embarrassed or putting on a front to impress the other, like just a genuine ' we love each other' relationship and I feel I have found that, even though we do have some conflicts. I mean I see nothing wrong with a woman who doesn't want a LTR, different strokes for different folks but I cannot say I would like that very much.


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Lunella
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30 Jan 2021, 10:09 pm

I used to be for years, but I found it really lonely after a while. I used to work and work in really fast paced technial job roles, it became my life to pursue a network/ISP career. When I got there I was absolutely miserable. I'd go home to an empty apartment in an expensive city centre, go out with friends all the time etc. But it just felt lonely.

These days I have a husband who is also autistic but a mechanical engineer and we have a business together, it's much more fun. Plus we get each other on the autism level so it's much easier to understand each other I found, never a dull moment either, usually hilarious things happen.

I think it all depends on finding someone who matches your brain, who has been through very similar stuff but is also an empathetic and compassionate person.


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hurtloam
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31 Jan 2021, 6:21 am

Sweetleaf wrote:
No, I really like being in a relationship...I mean even when I was a bit younger I thought it would be really nice to just be in a close relationship with someone where we're not embarrassed or putting on a front to impress the other, like just a genuine ' we love each other' relationship and I feel I have found that, even though we do have some conflicts. I mean I see nothing wrong with a woman who doesn't want a LTR, different strokes for different folks but I cannot say I would like that very much.


I'm laughing. You think us spinsters choose to be the rejects no one wants? I didn't choose to be alone. No one wanted me. A lot of us just have to learn to be content with the cards we were played.

Granted you do get women who never wanted to be in an LTR and shouldn't be pressured to be in one or be made to feel pitied.

My point was that spinster wasn't a shameful word in the past. She was an skilled woman who made her own money.

It's a complicated subject. Don't pity me, but don't assume I chose this, but don't make people who chose this feel lesser. So many facets.



Last edited by hurtloam on 31 Jan 2021, 6:25 am, edited 2 times in total.

hurtloam
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31 Jan 2021, 6:22 am

Lunella wrote:

I think it all depends on finding someone who matches your brain, who has been through very similar stuff but is also an empathetic and compassionate person.


I completely agree. Difficult to find though.



ezbzbfcg2
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31 Jan 2021, 6:27 am

A memory was jogged from a few years back.

I remember a moderator getting all huffy and disingenuous when I used the term spinster to refer to unmarried women past a certain age. She tried to argue that it only referred to people who spin wool. Okay...

I think she later moved from Canada to England to be with a much younger man and left WP. GOOD RIDDANCE!



hurtloam
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31 Jan 2021, 6:30 am

Now I know about the wool thing I like it better as a word. Sounds less like Miss Havershome covered in spiders webs and more like a busy woman happily working away. I like crafting you see.



Purpopcorn
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31 Jan 2021, 11:42 am

If I had met someone wonderful, I would have been married by now. And in all honesty, if I do meet him in the future, I will probably get married.

But, some people never get their "second half" and that's okay. For me, I feel like there is no need to wallow in misery. You can have a very full and happy life without being married. It doesn't stop anyone from traveling, writing great novels, contributing to society or even running countries. Look at all the fantastic women, and men, that never married throughout history.



dragonsanddemons
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31 Jan 2021, 2:56 pm

I’m probably too young to be called one yet, if I’m interpreting it correctly. First time I’ve ever really known the term to be used in any sense besides “someone who spins (yarn),” I could be mistaken.

I highly doubt I will ever be in a romantic relationship at all, let alone married. I don’t seem to be capable of connecting to anyone on that level or feeling anything like “romantic love” (at least, I haven’t experienced it yet). I also find that I am highly unsuited to living with others, for various reasons, I absolutely need my own space. Can’t imagine ever feeling comfortable sleeping in the same bed as anyone else.


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31 Jan 2021, 3:13 pm

It’s a word which insults women.

Men who remain single throughout life are called “confirmed bachelors.”



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31 Jan 2021, 3:17 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
It’s a word which insults women.

Men who remain single throughout life are called “confirmed bachelors.”

That was actually a code word for gay men.


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kraftiekortie
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31 Jan 2021, 3:19 pm

It was. True.

But straight men were called that, too.



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03 Feb 2021, 10:28 pm

My a bit young for called spinster



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04 Feb 2021, 12:01 am

Indeed. I've reached the decision(I guess?) to lean into it, as it really may be for the best.

The disparagement of spinsters has a lot to do with classicism and sexism. Women were/are expected to do X (marry by a certain age in this case) and those that didn't or were unable to were going against that. I think we all know what happens to those that don't 'conform' or fit the norm.

There have always been various reasons for spinterhood, but none are necessarily bad - an insult to the woman. Even when it's where no one has wanted you. It's not our fault others fail to see our worth, and magic and know how to value it.


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04 Feb 2021, 1:46 am

Sure I am. I'm successful and independent, and I don't depend on anyone to support me. It's my choice that I'll never get married again. That doesn't mean I won't date, fall in love, or have fun in other ways.

The misogynists who characterise unwed women as ugly and undesirable need to give their heads a shake. Believe it or not we can be beautiful, smart, sexy, and talented without having a spouse of either gender to define us.