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Fnord
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11 Nov 2019, 9:16 am

Fireblossom wrote:
Fnord wrote:
Joe90 wrote:
Yesterday I was chatting to my mum about what sort of wedding I could have. But then she started saying that if I want to invite guests to the wedding I will have to get my hair styled, have all makeup done perfectly, grow and paint my nails, lose a bit of weight and buy a big, white wedding dress. I've never been very knowledgeable about makeup and I'm not one for fancy hairstyles and I bite my nails, so it sounds like a lot of extra pressure. Then I said, "how come men don't have to go through all that and still look nice?" And my mum replied, "because men are lucky."...
Lucky, indeed! Lucky that we don’t have mothers forcing upon us their ideas of what a perfect wedding should be. It’s YOUR wedding, Joe. Make your own plans.
Ahem, THEIR wedding. Joe's mom gets no say in it, but her future husband does if he wants to. If she does get married, it's not her wedding, it's theirs. They need to decide stuff together, or at least Joe would need to check if her man wants to plan stuff too. But if he doesn't, then Joe would have free hands of course.
Sure ... it's "their" wedding ... but it's really all about the bride. The gown ... the procession ... the flower petals in the aisle ... and everything color-coordinated according to what she (e.g., her mother) wants.

The man just has to rent a tux, buy a ring, pay for the honeymoon, and stay awake throughout the entire service.

The ones I really feel sorry for are the bridesmaids. Why do they have to wear such hideous outfits that never seem to fit right, anyway?


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Fireblossom
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11 Nov 2019, 9:21 am

Fnord wrote:
Fireblossom wrote:
Fnord wrote:
Joe90 wrote:
Yesterday I was chatting to my mum about what sort of wedding I could have. But then she started saying that if I want to invite guests to the wedding I will have to get my hair styled, have all makeup done perfectly, grow and paint my nails, lose a bit of weight and buy a big, white wedding dress. I've never been very knowledgeable about makeup and I'm not one for fancy hairstyles and I bite my nails, so it sounds like a lot of extra pressure. Then I said, "how come men don't have to go through all that and still look nice?" And my mum replied, "because men are lucky."...
Lucky, indeed! Lucky that we don’t have mothers forcing upon us their ideas of what a perfect wedding should be. It’s YOUR wedding, Joe. Make your own plans.
Ahem, THEIR wedding. Joe's mom gets no say in it, but her future husband does if he wants to. If she does get married, it's not her wedding, it's theirs. They need to decide stuff together, or at least Joe would need to check if her man wants to plan stuff too. But if he doesn't, then Joe would have free hands of course.
Sure ... it's "their" wedding ... but it's really all about the bride. The gown ... the procession ... the flower petals in the aisle ... and everything color-coordinated according to what she (e.g., her mother) wants.

The man just has to rent a tux, buy a ring, pay for the honeymoon, and stay awake throughout the entire service.

The ones I really feel sorry for are the bridesmaids. Why do they have to wear such hideous outfits that never seem to fit right, anyway?


Probably depends on the couple (and culture.) I know couples where the groom has also wanted to take part in the planning and the bride's been fine with it, naturally, so they've done it together.

There was this one couple where the groom insisted on a video game -theme, so they did that. One of the things it showed on was that, instead of real flowers, the bride's bouquet was made of the kind of fake flowers seen in some video game that the groom liked.



Wolfram87
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11 Nov 2019, 10:13 am

Fnord wrote:
The ones I really feel sorry for are the bridesmaids. Why do they have to wear such hideous outfits that never seem to fit right, anyway?


Isn't there that one rule about making sure not to be prettier than the bride?


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magz
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11 Nov 2019, 10:18 am

No bridesmaids in my tradition, just one "witness" for the bride and the groom, typically the same gender (but we had them crossed).


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Fnord
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11 Nov 2019, 10:19 am

Wolfram87 wrote:
Fnord wrote:
The ones I really feel sorry for are the bridesmaids. Why do they have to wear such hideous outfits that never seem to fit right, anyway?
Isn't there that one rule about making sure not to be prettier than the bride?
Does the word "Bridezilla" mean anything to you?

:wink:


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Wolfram87
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11 Nov 2019, 10:30 am

point taken...


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Fireblossom
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11 Nov 2019, 10:37 am

Since we got on the subject, anyone know any good Bridezilla movies? Asking for warnings of what not to do for Joe and just for fun for myself. :lol:



Fnord
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11 Nov 2019, 10:40 am

Fireblossom wrote:
Since we got on the subject, anyone know any good Bridezilla movies? Asking for warnings of what not to do for Joe and just for fun for myself.
Google it. Too many to list here.


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Lely
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14 Nov 2019, 5:30 am

Fireblossom wrote:
It's a cultural thing that women have to put in a lot of effort while men just have to take care of basic hygiene and such to be said to look good. However, if enough women put their foot down and just look the way they feel comfortable with (without looking messy or indecent), expectations will slowly change as well.

I believe It wouldn't work because of sexual competition for men. Women will realize they gain a competitive advantage when they put in more effort, try to look prettier than other women, so they will start doing the effort again to get the best men they can get.



magz
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14 Nov 2019, 6:36 am

Lely wrote:
Fireblossom wrote:
It's a cultural thing that women have to put in a lot of effort while men just have to take care of basic hygiene and such to be said to look good. However, if enough women put their foot down and just look the way they feel comfortable with (without looking messy or indecent), expectations will slowly change as well.

I believe It wouldn't work because of sexual competition for men. Women will realize they gain a competitive advantage when they put in more effort, try to look prettier than other women, so they will start doing the effort again to get the best men they can get.

I disagree.
I don't wear makeup. Where I live, heavy makeup in real life is so rare that it has rather repulsive effect - this is not how a real person looks.
Social norms dictate what is considered attractive or not, social norms can change.


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Lely
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14 Nov 2019, 9:19 am

magz wrote:
Lely wrote:
Fireblossom wrote:
It's a cultural thing that women have to put in a lot of effort while men just have to take care of basic hygiene and such to be said to look good. However, if enough women put their foot down and just look the way they feel comfortable with (without looking messy or indecent), expectations will slowly change as well.

I believe It wouldn't work because of sexual competition for men. Women will realize they gain a competitive advantage when they put in more effort, try to look prettier than other women, so they will start doing the effort again to get the best men they can get.

I disagree.
I don't wear makeup. Where I live, heavy makeup in real life is so rare that it has rather repulsive effect - this is not how a real person looks.
Social norms dictate what is considered attractive or not, social norms can change.

Most women don't wear heavy makeup. And heavy makeup is not what is expected of women in society.
If makeup is not beautiful I don't know why movie actors wear it. Movies showing bare faced women would sell much better if everyone had your view. Pictures of bare faced hairy female models would sell better too. But that is not the case because they are less demanded than ones with beauty that is enhanced in some way.
Hair dying isn't natural but the consensus is also women look better when they dye their hair once it is grey. The same doesn't apply to men.
Some men can also not even tell if a woman wears makeup or dyes her hair.



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14 Nov 2019, 9:36 am

Lely wrote:
Fireblossom wrote:
It's a cultural thing that women have to put in a lot of effort while men just have to take care of basic hygiene and such to be said to look good. However, if enough women put their foot down and just look the way they feel comfortable with (without looking messy or indecent), expectations will slowly change as well.

I believe It wouldn't work because of sexual competition for men. Women will realize they gain a competitive advantage when they put in more effort, try to look prettier than other women, so they will start doing the effort again to get the best men they can get.


The point is that if enough women chose not to do these things, that would become a norm and while those who wanted to could still do it, those who didn't wouldn't be judged for it or pressured in to doing it.



Lely
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14 Nov 2019, 10:08 am

In many cultures humans use some form of body modification, painting skin, tattooing, piercing. It is normal to decorate the body.

I think when it would establish itself as the norm to wear no make up at all, then one woman after another would notice, when she applies make up (or engages in some other form of beauty enhancement), she will be a bit more successful in the competition. This will after time decrease chances for the women who don't enhance their beauty to get an attractive mate, unless she is blessed with natural beauty. Then more and more women will give in and the norm will change back to favouring some form of beauty enhancement.



magz
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14 Nov 2019, 10:54 am

When considering long term relationships, the "beauty contest" is quite a myth. I have a lot of male friends and I know that once the girl looks generally healthy, most of them are content with looks and interested more in various aspects of compatibility.

My mother used to tell me that women never make themselves pretty for men: stupid women do it for other women, wise women do it for themselves. It may not be the ultimate truth but if I ever received unpleasant comments about my looks, they were from other women only.


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Lely
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14 Nov 2019, 11:37 am

magz wrote:
When considering long term relationships, the "beauty contest" is quite a myth. I have a lot of male friends and I know that once the girl looks generally healthy, most of them are content with looks and interested more in various aspects of compatibility.

My mother used to tell me that women never make themselves pretty for men: stupid women do it for other women, wise women do it for themselves. It may not be the ultimate truth but if I ever received unpleasant comments about my looks, they were from other women only.


Long term relationships are not natural anyway. Makeup won't make it less boring to look at the partner after many years, so of course it doesn't matter.


My first & second boyfriends initially thought I don't wear make up because they weren't able to tell I wore eye makeup and both told me I would look better with make up. The second was also a work colleague and he really didn't know when a woman wore makeup and when not. He thought lots of the female colleagues didn't wear it even when they had big eyeliner wings or colorful eyeshadow. He said about one woman many years ago she used to wear makeup to work but now she just let herself go, even though she wore blue eyeliner and lipstick - how can he not see it????

No woman has ever told me anything about my appearance. Actually only men say dumb things.


My mother never wore makeup, also not when she met my father. When they divorced one thing he complained about was that she never wore makeup... He should have realized it 30 years earlier!



magz
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14 Nov 2019, 11:39 am

Lely wrote:
Long term relationships are not natural anyway.

8O


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