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Whale_Tuune
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20 Feb 2021, 4:55 pm

Sometimes I feel like a third gender, not in a nonbinary way. I feel so rejected and judged by other women, and so alien and undesirable to men, that I feel like a subwoman-- not a man, in a female body, but with none of the mystique and allure that is supposed to accompany womanhood.

I hate people on here telling me how attractive I am and I got someone telling me "the world is my oyster" because I'm a young woman. I know it's well intentioned, but I never once felt desirable and pretty like a woman. Other women intimidate me, I feel like they are higher than me in femininity and girliness. I feel inadequate next to them.

So... I don't feel like a girl but like a subwoman. I wondered if anyone else can relate?


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Edna3362
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20 Feb 2021, 5:45 pm

I don't.
But this is likely from a culturally backed acceptance mixed with personal apathy or asociality.



So... While I get the similar circumstances of being called out for not being feminine enough or that I'd have it easier for it...

I just don't feel the same.


And I've been surrounded by women with greater affinity for feminine stuff -- average NTs are intimidated by them for various and respectively different reasons.

All of them my influencers may be -- yet none touched my core no matter how much how they'd want me to doll up and everything.

None of them made me inadequate or judged.
I simply never cared. Don't even knew why, I just do.


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IsabellaLinton
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20 Feb 2021, 5:50 pm

I can relate 100%. I don't feel masculine but I don't relate to a majority of girls and women either.

I remember at a very young age, thinking that my physical body didn't exist at all and I was just a floating consciousness.

Please try not to think of it as sub-woman. Just because you feel outnumbered, it doesn't mean you are less-than.



Mona Pereth
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20 Feb 2021, 6:55 pm

Whale_Tuune wrote:
I hate people on here telling me how attractive I am and I got someone telling me "the world is my oyster" because I'm a young woman. I know it's well intentioned, but I never once felt desirable and pretty like a woman. Other women intimidate me, I feel like they are higher than me in femininity and girliness. I feel inadequate next to them.

Do you have any interests or hobbies that are shared primarily by men? If so, have you tried hanging out in groups or places devoted to those interests/hobbies?

In such an environment you might get more attention from men and thus feel more attractive?


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Whale_Tuune
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20 Feb 2021, 7:16 pm

My interests and hobbies are art and creative writing. I also follow a few webcomics, story based videogames, etc. Art and creative writing, webcomics and story based games are hobbies frequently shared by both men and women.

I wish I could make friends with more normal women, because on some level I feel that I've developed a prejudice against them. I tend to believe that they dislike me and are judging me even if they're not, simply because of past experiences.


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that1weirdgrrrl
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20 Feb 2021, 9:00 pm

I can deeply relate to this....

The only thing that has really helped me is getting older and gradually caring less what others think of me and say about me.

I know that doesn't really help.

I'm not friends with normal women. All of my friends (men and women) are a bit offbeat. But if someone seems to take a shine to me and wants to hang out with me and tells me they like my company, I will be their friend.

I'm not picky except that the person has to actually be nice to me.

If someone is always telling me everything that's wrong with me, they're not much of a friend....

I find that looking at relationships (platonic or otherwise) in super simplistic terms helps me identify friends from foes (is this person nice to me, or is this person mean to me?)

Hopefully something in there is of some value


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Mona Pereth
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21 Feb 2021, 3:20 am

Whale_Tuune wrote:
My interests and hobbies are art and creative writing. I also follow a few webcomics, story based videogames, etc. Art and creative writing, webcomics and story based games are hobbies frequently shared by both men and women.

I wish I could make friends with more normal women, because on some level I feel that I've developed a prejudice against them. I tend to believe that they dislike me and are judging me even if they're not, simply because of past experiences.

I would suggest that you not go out of your way to befriend NT-seeming women, given the likelihood of disappointment. You'll probably have better luck befriending autistic women who share your interests, because you'll have more in common. However, if an NT-seeming woman just happens to be friendly to you, don't avoid her merely because she seems "normal."


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Fireblossom
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21 Feb 2021, 4:17 am

Can I relate? Well... maybe? I mean I don't exactly get attention from men (drunks twice my age seriously don't count) and have never really fit in with groups of other women, so on practical level, I can relate, and I don't exactly like that things are that way, but it's never really made me feel less of a woman.



NaturalEntity
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21 Feb 2021, 3:23 pm

I used to feel like that when I was young... turns out I'm nonbinary!


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babybird
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21 Feb 2021, 3:54 pm

Whale_Tuune wrote:
Sometimes I feel like a third gender, not in a nonbinary way. I feel so rejected and judged by other women, and so alien and undesirable to men, that I feel like a subwoman-- not a man, in a female body, but with none of the mystique and allure that is supposed to accompany womanhood.

I hate people on here telling me how attractive I am and I got someone telling me "the world is my oyster" because I'm a young woman. I know it's well intentioned, but I never once felt desirable and pretty like a woman. Other women intimidate me, I feel like they are higher than me in femininity and girliness. I feel inadequate next to them.

So... I don't feel like a girl but like a subwoman. I wondered if anyone else can relate?


I always felt a bit like that. Like I wasn't female and I wasn't male either. I was terrified of other women when I was younger but I was abused by my mother so that's why. I've got older now and to be honest I don't really care. I do my own thing. I talk to and even flirt with whoever I want whether they are male or female. I've got my own thing going on. I'm kind of neutral but I'm not keen on labels.

I know what you are saying about not wanting to be patronised about what you look like because you're not feeling it. Maybe it just might take you a bit longer than other people to find your feet in the world.

The bottom line is; you are a woman not subwoman and you are just as worthy as the rest of us. Other women may seem scary to you now but we're not all judgemental but it's up to yourself to give yourself the chance to discover that. Once you have confidence in some women being OK then you will have the confidence in yourself as a woman too.

Please don't give up. Give yourself a chance.


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OutsideView
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21 Feb 2021, 4:25 pm

NaturalEntity wrote:
I used to feel like that when I was young... turns out I'm nonbinary!

Same here except I'm still not sure if I'm non-binary or just a woman who doesn't fit because of autism.

Even if people are attracted to me I still just feel like a strange "thing" or something :mrgreen:


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NaturalEntity
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21 Feb 2021, 4:31 pm

OutsideView wrote:
NaturalEntity wrote:
I used to feel like that when I was young... turns out I'm nonbinary!

Same here except I'm still not sure if I'm non-binary or just a woman who doesn't fit because of autism.

Even if people are attracted to me I still just feel like a strange "thing" or something :mrgreen:

You could have an NB yet feminine gender, like demigirl. Demigirl is one of my genders actually (I'm genderfluid).


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SharonB
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25 Feb 2021, 12:30 pm

I am cisgendered, yet stood apart from girls/women well into my 30s and 40s. I wasn't particularly concerned that I didn't fit the "girl mold", but did miss social acceptance in general. I accepted and liked that I was attractive but didn't know what to "do" about that. As I age, I am embracing that I am who I am, which happens to be Woman (in my way). While my husband does the laundry and cleans the kitchen, I am researching this or that, fixing this or that, or with my multimeter testing this or that. This makes me the sexiest woman alive!! ! :wink:

Details: As a young child I had girl friends. By middle school I had boy friends. In high school I wore the boy-style jacket. Then I had boyfriends. In college I wore boy-style coats and shirts. I inadvertently made a female BFF (who is asexual). Then in my 30s I started wearing feminine clothing. I struggled with infertility and pregnancy loss, so that was crappy (my female organs weren't in the "girl mold" either). In my 40s I started having more female friends. Now near 50 I have almost exclusively girl friends locally, but keep in touch with my boy friends from old. Don't get me wrong, these friendships are very hard for me to maintain, but I do have them. I think friends are drawn to self-confidence. I do and don't have that.

I am Woman: I calculate, I Make, I wear form-fitting but comfortable clothes. Sometimes I fit gender stereotypes and sometimes I don't. I remain Who I Am.

Good luck being You. :heart:



NaturalEntity
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25 Feb 2021, 3:42 pm

^ That's awesome! I feel inspired.


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blackicmenace
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25 Feb 2021, 7:01 pm

Have you considered that you have issues with other women because they are jealous of you and see you as a threat so they treat you poorly? I am sorry if what I have said in the past has brought you grief, I have said those things because it is the truth and I feel like you have had your self image damaged from your personal experiences.


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kraftiekortie
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25 Feb 2021, 7:27 pm

Sorry to say this: but you are pretty and smart.

Please accept compliments. It's a heck of a lot better than receiving criticism.