Men are so lucky (pregnancy)

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I think my ability to have babies and feed them is a kind of superpower! Granted, all female mammals have this superpower -- it's not an exclusive superpower.

That being said, in my experience parenting is MUCH harder than pregnancy. And I didn't have easy pregnancies. Parenting is so difficult. Kids always need something. I didn't know how many "sensory breaks" I took every day until I couldn't do them anymore. And having two kids talk to you for hours simultaneously is sensory overload. I love my kids so much, but I'm not wired to handle this!

It would be easier to take if society said, "wow, she's really trying her best being a mom given her autism" but nobody cares about me or my autism. My ex certainly doesn't care. I'm supposed to mask (hide my autism), shut up, and somehow convince these two other sentient beings to behave appropriately and do academic work. And if they don't, it's because I suck as a mom.

I get your fear of pregnancy, honestly. Humans can have a lot more complications than other animals (and even other great apes), and it's something that can easily permanently affect your body even w/o complications. It'd also be stressful to have to worry about the health of the baby the entire time (or at least until they pass the point were miscarriages are unlikely and most health issues would finally be detected). Even C-sections and vaginal births with epidurals can be super anxiety inducing if you don't handle most medical procedures well (I don't! Even getting cavities filled gives me panic attacks...). I think it's understandable to not be too keen on pregnancy and childbirth, no matter how much people try to say it's not a huge deal (it might be to them, but it's not "no big deal" to everyone).

Ladies, pregnancy is always a risk. Always. Even if you're perfectly healthy, have had a problem free pregnancy so far and have access to good medical care for the delivery, something can still go wrong. Of course, the risks are significantly lower for those who are healthy than those who are not, but they are there.

I think that men who are in relationships with women and want children have a huge advantage over the said women when it comes to having children since, thanks to biology, the woman has to do all the work when it comes to making the child and the man couldn't do a thing even if he would want to. On the other hand, single women have an advantage over single men if they want children, for men can only adopt, but women also have, in theory at the very least, the option of assisted reproduction on their own since it's their bodies that will do the work. Men can't do it 'cause, well, they're men. It's biology. This is why I'm glad to be woman since I'm seriously considering this option in case I don't find anyone by the time I'm thirty.

So many women I know have had long-term changes to the body because of being pregnant. My mum was lucky, as she had no birth complications during both her pregnancies, although she did feel very sick when she was pregnant with me. She had an easier labour when giving birth to me than she did my brother, and when she was giving birth to him she kept puking.

The reason I'm on the contraceptive pill is because I couldn't handle the cramps I had with my periods every month. It was severe, to the point where I was laid up in bed, trying my hardest not to spew up from the pain. I became immune to pain-killers because I was taking them for like 7 days each month (my periods were usually long, like 9-10 days, and the pains were actually worse towards the end of the period). My periods weren't as heavy as other girls' though.
And I heard labour pains is like one big mega period pain, also I heard your pelvis breaks or something when giving birth, or can break, I don't know.

I do know that giving birth is extremely painful, and I have low pain tolerance. PAP tests are a nightmare for me. It's like even if they use jelly or something to insert the thing, it still feels like my vagina immediately dries all up and closes.
Just imagine if someone shoved their fist into your mouth and down your throat, how painful it would be - that's how a PAP (smear) test feels for me. It feels like my bladder is being pierced open by rusty blades, and spreading my legs apart during a PAP test is just terrifying.

Please, when I first had sex it was so PAINFUL that I don't think I want anything to be inserted up there again (my boyfriend has a low sex drive so isn't bothered about vaginal sex), but with my first boyfriend the sex was mega excruciating.
This next bit is TMI and you don't need to read if you don't want to, but I really need to tell people here how it felt.

Do you have vaginal stenosis, or something similar? The fear of inserting things can also make it harder or nearly impossible to do so, as it will make your vagina not relax or lubricate properly. I can't insert tampons or anything comfortably mainly because of the anxiety I get from anticipating the discomfort, despite not having any anatomical issues. It's a cruel, self-fulfilling issue. lmao

I'm honestly not fond of the idea of getting pregnant myself, not just because of the pain (which my mom said felt like a hatchet in her back), but because of my mental health and the inability to take meds for it for the most part, as well as more hormones to make it worse. The period after birth is just as bad as there is also postpartum depression that can get really bad (my ex-SIL experienced this and had to be hospitalized as a result).

Plus, I will be 35 in another year, and that is the threshold of more complications during pregnancy, and I rather not risk it. I am nervous about such complications as pre-eclampsia (did I spell that right?) and gestational diabetes, and possibly getting them.

So yeah, I am pretty content with not getting pregnant, and just as happy being just an aunt. But this is your decision, and I don't want what I said to influence it, as long as you're happy.

Comparing ourselves to others is practically never healthy and it's particularily strong source of problems for neurodiverse people.

Each of us is unique. It's not bad, it's beautiful and healthy for the humanity as a whole.