How do men do it?

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The last time I cried was in January, 1969.

When I was young, I was a very "sensitive" child. I had what I now know to have been meltdowns all the time. There was a lot pressure, cause we all know that big boys just don't cry. Over Anything? I was clever, and not crying was a priority that I worked on for years. I tried to toughen myself up emotionally, but I probably just learned how to mask feeling hurt, really well.

By the time I was 15, I hadn't cried in a few years. That's when my sister who was 4+ years older than I was a sophmore in college. She was abducted, raped, and murdered. The guy shot and killed her date first. The found him right away, but we waited a week while they searched for her. I couldn't cry at her funeral even though I was so sad and I wanted to. Even people who hardly knew her cried, i couldn't. When I went back to school, I guess I had a combination of a meltdown and a shutdown cause all I knew was that I was In class I couldn't stop and i couldn't leave the f class and i wanted to be somewhere ele but i coulnt go. I am sorry for stepping on the girl tread but I think th this belongs here. For my big sister Keitha I love you. I miss you> I leave Two tears for you today. Goodbye.

As for me, everything is simple. Firstly, men are brought up from childhood in such a way that it is a shame to cry without having a very serious reason for it. I also read a study that men are physiologically less likely to cry a lot. They are better at controlling their emotions.

They just often hide their emotions. Or they cry when we don't see it.

People *say* men should show their emotions, but whenever they do, the whole world treats them like garbage, calling them weak and crybabies, or worse. The stereotypes will never die, because humans "learn" what others are like primarily from what's seen on the outside.

Men seem to suffer from phobias and anxiety disorders less than women. Or maybe they just hide it, or are more likely to self medicate with alcohol and hard drugs. It's sad when being an alcoholic or a drug addict is more socially acceptable than just having a mental illness.

This is the legacy of my parents' generation: How effed-up my generation has grown up to be.

This is the old nature vs nurture question. I lean towered nature. Pretty much every society has viewed men way one way or another like that. Of course, there are exceptions, there are always exceptions(we are a prime example), men who are not like that are just as valid etc.

And environment/society has a role.

I lean towards nurture. In my family:
* the sensitive expressive gene went Dad - Daughter - Grandson
* the sensitive inexpressive gene went Mom - Daughter (there is no son) - Granddaughter

So we are mostly contrary to gender expectations. Gender is not related to who is "feeling" from a genetic standpoint. I do see how a person is conditioned to respond based on gender. As I mentioned, when I (a woman) express sadness (cry), I am socially rewarded (hugs). When I express anger (raise my voice), I am socially reprimanded (ostracized). I see the social conditioning is in reverse for my dad and son.

BTW, I have read studies that the inexpressive actually have stronger emotional responses (blood pressure, pulse, etc.) than the expressive. It's more "controlled" outwardly, but it's less "controlled" inwardly. Pros and Cons.

peoples need to stop punishing people for their emotions.

^^^ Yes, please.

^^ ditto

^^^ +3 ^^^

Sorry about what happened to you, Mr. Al Morris.

I don't usually cry unless it's PMDD week, but when I do I cry for like, hours.

I don't understand how some people just don't cry at all. I used to think it was a man and woman difference but my girlfriend is not a crier either. Not because she's insensitive; in fact she is one of the most sensitive, emotional and easily moved people I know. It's just that when she feels like she needs a good cry, the tears never come.

For me, the following three emotions are very different from each other:

a) Anger/ Humiliation
b) Embarassment
c) Wanting to cry

Any one of those excludes the other two:

--- If I am embarassed by what I did, I won't be angry about other people's reaction. Because the theme of my anger is that other people's reaction is bigger than what I actually did. Now, if I were to feel embarassed I wouldn't be likely to feel that

--- If I am angry I am not likely to cry either. Because the theme of wanting to cry is a theme of feeling bad for someone other than myself. But if I am angry then I feel like I am the victim, not them. Which means I can't possibly feel bad for them since "they" are not week: they are strong -- strong enough to hurt me.

--- If I am embarassed I am also not likely to cry. Because in this case my concern is NOT the actual hurt that I caused but INTEAD what others think of me.

This being said, yes sometimes I want to cry, particularly in response to sad songs. But thats only because they aren't reminding me of anything that makes me feel angry/embarassed. If they did, that would eraze the need to cry.

Lets put it this way:

Anger = Fight (wanting to argue to prove my point)

Embarassment = Flight (wanting to avoid the other person so they won't confront me)

Crying = Being relaxed (I would likely want to sit down or lie down to cry)

So those are three separate things that seem a bit incompatible with one another

And no, I don't "go about my day". I would likely try to argue with the target of my anger, or complain to other people if the target of my anger doesn't want to talk about it. But I won't be crying as I do this.

Confrontation can make me cry, as I often feel humiliated, awkward and emotionally vulnerable when being confronted.

Like today I got confronted at work by the general manager who was on a rare visit, because I was walking in the 'wrong' place - even though I'm not the only one who walks in the wrong place but I didn't know he was there and I was just unlucky enough to get caught. I think he overreacted though, and he told me off for not using the walkways provided. I have ADHD and although I'm aware of my surroundings I was just walking to check something and forgot to use the walkway, and where I was walking was clear with no reversing vehicles in sight. He lectured me, asked me my name, and told me I had failed an audit or something (which then made me feel bad), right in front of the guy who works in the office who I'm scared of anyway.

I felt helpless after that and felt like crying. And the tears started coming before I could stop it. When I knew I was alone, I had a little cry and felt pissed off for the rest of the day. I bet if I was a guy I would have the emotional skills to let that ride over me, but as a woman I couldn't help crying (also I'm, you know, menstruating).