Page 1 of 2 [ 17 posts ]  Go to page 1, 2  Next

Macallan
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

User avatar

Joined: 15 Oct 2007
Age: 56
Gender: Female
Posts: 371

28 Dec 2007, 9:33 am

Anyone had one? I've been told I have to have one and I'm dreading it.

I have enough trouble getting through a pap test without kicking the nurse and running away. As well as the indignity of the process and being touched in an intimate area by a total stranger, pap tests always hurt a lot and I have to psych myself up for a week beforehand, plus take a day off work.

For the colposcopy, all I know is they'll shine a light up me, apply a vinegar solution to my cervix and the whole thing takes ages.

I'm not sure I can go through with it. I'm crying and shaking now at the thought of it. Don't know what to do.



Zsazsa
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 19 Apr 2007
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,041
Location: Upstate New York, USA

28 Dec 2007, 11:08 am

It is nothing to be afraid of...and not as uncomfortable as a pap exam. You simply lie on the exam table while the vinegar solution is being applied to the surface of your cervix...look at a magazine while you pass the time.

If you have a caring and gentle Obstetrician/Gynecologist like my brother-in-law, you should have no discomfort at all.



Belfast
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 17 Jul 2005
Age: 51
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,802
Location: Windham County, VT

30 Dec 2007, 7:23 pm

Macallan wrote:
Anyone had one? I've been told I have to have one and I'm dreading it.

I have enough trouble getting through a pap test without kicking the nurse and running away. As well as the indignity of the process and being touched in an intimate area by a total stranger, pap tests always hurt a lot and I have to psych myself up for a week beforehand, plus take a day off work.

For the colposcopy, all I know is they'll shine a light up me, apply a vinegar solution to my cervix and the whole thing takes ages.

I'm not sure I can go through with it. I'm crying and shaking now at the thought of it. Don't know what to do.

NOT making light of your reaction, because that's exactly how I reacted. I loathe having my body examined, let alone messed with-and then for it to be in such a personal/intimate area-it totally freaks me out. Had "LEEP" procedure (for area of cervical dysplasia) 6 years ago, scared me to pieces but am still alive & actually hardly remember it now. Hope you've a person to comfort you (if that works for you)-I had a good friend who drove me to the office, hugged me, held my hand & didn't get weirded out when I cried. It hurt/was uncomfortable (and I'm overly sensitive to pain)-the staff were kind, despite my being obviously upset. Wasn't much anyone could say to make it better beforehand (and had physical effects for a month afterwards)-yet it all seems so long ago, from my present perspective.


_________________
*"I don't know what it is, but I know what it isn't."*


Macallan
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

User avatar

Joined: 15 Oct 2007
Age: 56
Gender: Female
Posts: 371

31 Dec 2007, 11:12 am

Thanks, Belfast. It helps to know it's not just me :(

I have quite a high pain threshold but not for this. I used to get vaginismus as soon as the nurse picked up the speculum and have had a number of failed attempts to take a pap smear in the past. However, if the nurse is considerate and patient, and I explain how I feel to her, usually she can get it done. But it is the most horrendous thing for me. Even when it's all over I feel dreadful - violated, dirty, sore and helpless that I had to go through with it when every cell in my body was screaming NO!! It sounds dramatic but I can't help it.

Nothing is going to make this easier to deal with and I'm praying that the colposcopist (is there such a word?) is a woman. I will end up in tears, shaking and trying not to hyperventilate. I have no one to go with me, or I'd ask for a sedative and they could get me there and home again. I know I just have to get through it somehow and it's reassuring to hear that you managed, Belfast :)



Belfast
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 17 Jul 2005
Age: 51
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,802
Location: Windham County, VT

31 Dec 2007, 8:11 pm

Macallan wrote:
But it is the most horrendous thing for me. Even when it's all over I feel dreadful - violated, dirty, sore and helpless that I had to go through with it when every cell in my body was screaming NO!! It sounds dramatic but I can't help it.

I do feel the same way-someone doing yucky things to me (despite my intellectual knowledge to the contrary) is unavoidably degrading, humiliating, all that (in terms of how I interpret it). Not fond of drama-yet anything going wrong with my body (and people having to invade my insides) instantly feels unavoidably and extremely *&^%$#@! dramatic.
Macallan wrote:
Nothing is going to make this easier to deal with and I'm praying that the colposcopist (is there such a word?) is a woman. I will end up in tears, shaking and trying not to hyperventilate. I have no one to go with me, or I'd ask for a sedative and they could get me there and home again. I know I just have to get through it somehow and it's reassuring to hear that you managed, Belfast :)

Had to check my old paperwork from when I went through this (2000): pap test (even the word makes me shudder, ugh-just sounds nasty !) came back suspect, then had colposcopy, in which they found bad things that needed removal, so I had to have LEEP (loop electrosurgical excision procedure). Still have all my parts-the tiny bits they took out grew back healthy ("normally")-situation does seem huge & overwhelming when it's in the present.

Don't know if having as much information as possible beforehand will make you feel better, worse, neither, or both. It was kinda' mixed for me-helped when actual person (at medical office) described what would happen, compared to the scary brochure illustrations. My experiences have all been at Planned Parenthood, their staff has been great, for the most part-I don't know what's available in your location. Also, I sure couldn't afford all this-and they were very patient about my paying them (which I did, eventually). You could ask if someone there (wherever you'll be medically seen) can prescribe a single dose of mild sedative pill, such as Ativan or Xanax-which you could pick up day before, to take when having procedure.

While it was happening my focus got quite narrow, people blabbing about the future didn't help detach me from the painful present, and follow-up (return visits to check if things have improved) stretched out how long this went on for. My p.o.v. now is that as bad things go, this wasn't nearly as bad as the alternatives (death or major surgery)-but that's from a distance, after the fact. Really wish you had someone (as I did) to talk you through this bad time.


_________________
*"I don't know what it is, but I know what it isn't."*


Macallan
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

User avatar

Joined: 15 Oct 2007
Age: 56
Gender: Female
Posts: 371

01 Jan 2008, 7:49 am

It's hugely reassuring to hear that you're better and have suffered no lasting trauma from your experience. Just knowing someone else understands makes me feel that I may be able to get through it and that I'm not completely abnormal.

I'm in the UK so am going through the NHS facilities. I had two abnormal pap tests at my doctor's surgery and two weeks after the last one received the notification for the colposcopy in hospital. I haven't got a date yet as I have to call the hospital to book myself in and the office is shut over the holiday period.

Like you, I know rationally that I have to have it done and that ignoring it and sticking my head in the sand isn't an option, but I wish I had never been for the damn test in the first place. I'd gone six years between tests because I couldn't face it.

I will ask about a mild sedative. I haven't in the past because we're supposed to be sensible and get on with it, and I feel such a pathetic fool. The LEEP procedure is the stuff of nightmares and if I have to have it I hope they can do it at the same appointment as the colposcopy so I have no choice. If I have to go back for it I don't know if I would be able to do that. And I can't face the thought of repeated follow-up investigation/treatment.

I have wondered if hypnotherapy may help as people use it to get over fear of the dental treatment but I haven't pursued it because I don't want to discuss this irrational phobia with anyone else.



Belfast
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 17 Jul 2005
Age: 51
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,802
Location: Windham County, VT

01 Jan 2008, 4:44 pm

Macallan wrote:
I'm in the UK so am going through the NHS facilities. I had two abnormal pap tests at my doctor's surgery and two weeks after the last one received the notification for the colposcopy in hospital. I haven't got a date yet as I have to call the hospital to book myself in and the office is shut over the holiday period.

I have opposing anxieties, when in position where I've got to make an appt. (for something I don't want to do but know I "have" to). I write notes to myself expressing my conflicting impulses & refer to them while on phone (making the appt.). I desperately want to be able to get an appt. ASAP, and I am also hoping not to be able to get an appt. (for whichever reasons). It's such a mixed message, I worry the receptionist will detect this (and that our conversation will be even more awkward, if I don't openly acknowledge my heightened state of emotion-because my anxious state will come through somehow, whether I say it directly or not) so I just tell the person how ambivalent I am.
Macallan wrote:
Like you, I know rationally that I have to have it done and that ignoring it and sticking my head in the sand isn't an option, but I wish I had never been for the damn test in the first place. I'd gone six years between tests because I couldn't face it.

Know no amount of anyone saying stuff (either warning if one doesn't deal with this, or of reassurance that this will be bearable) makes any difference-until after it's over with.
Macallan wrote:
I will ask about a mild sedative. I haven't in the past because we're supposed to be sensible and get on with it, and I feel such a pathetic fool. The LEEP procedure is the stuff of nightmares and if I have to have it I hope they can do it at the same appointment as the colposcopy so I have no choice. If I have to go back for it I don't know if I would be able to do that. And I can't face the thought of repeated follow-up investigation/treatment.

One step at a time is also how I try to take these scenarios that seem like they'll never end/go away. On the other hand, I'd rather have idea how much of what is likely to be next-and if that info. were kept from me, I'd be even more upset (since a "cover-up" or hidden info. adds distress to things that already bother me way too much).
Again, it's hard (for me) to guess what to share (or not to mention, to spare you). The whole series of steps that were separate at the time have blended into a single memory (spanning a couple months), in my mind-sorry I can't take them apart, so as to not overwhelm.
Macallan wrote:
I have wondered if hypnotherapy may help as people use it to get over fear of the dental treatment but I haven't pursued it because I don't want to discuss this irrational phobia with anyone else.

Maybe. I'm not susceptible to hyposuggestion, but apparently some folks are & it works for them. I have dental phobia & deal with it by prescribed Ativan & my boyfriend coming into the exam room with me (and staying the whole time).
Shame is self-reinforcing, I think-if one can tell another person, who still accepts the person saying this, that's a beginning. I've felt silly for being so disturbed & "overreacting" to many "normal" events of daily life-but feeling shame/guilt/embarrassment about myself doesn't make those feeling states go away. Have been fortunate to have a compassionate counselor (social worker), too-she doesn't expect me to be stoic/tough/calm, and she came up with possible ideas of what I could do, and who I could ask for help. Hope you can tell & ask someone (whom you believe will be nonjudgmental & not harsh)-but if not, that's okay too.


_________________
*"I don't know what it is, but I know what it isn't."*


Jezikaonline
Butterfly
Butterfly

User avatar

Joined: 31 Mar 2007
Age: 39
Gender: Female
Posts: 17
Location: Springfield VA

02 Jan 2008, 12:51 pm

For me, the colposcapy was worse than the LEEP. It breaks my heart to hear that you have to go thru that.
I doubt they will give you both the colposcapy and the leep on the same day. From my understanding, they have to study the tissues they extract from the colposcapy to really know what needs to be taken care of with the LEEP.
I will be honest, mine was painful. I hated it. I cried all day. It was even worse when my doctor thought it would be a good idea to show me the pieces of my body that she pulled out. eeek. Made me feel sick.
Do you have an Ipod, or some form of a distraction by way of music? It helped for me to close my eyes, and not hear or see what was going on. I also brought a stuffed animal with me to squeeze when i got scared.


_________________
Its like a koala bear crapped a rainbow in my brain...


Macallan
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

User avatar

Joined: 15 Oct 2007
Age: 56
Gender: Female
Posts: 371

02 Jan 2008, 1:36 pm

Well. I've made the appointment and warned them that I will have a panic attack, regardless of how nice and sympathetic they are. The receptionist was very kind and said that a nurse will be with me to hold my hand and talk me through the panic, so I'm feeling that I may be able to get through it. I don't know if I'll have a male or female colposcopist.

I asked about further treatment and she said that if they found areas of cells to remove or treat they'd probably do it at the same time, unless I need surgery. I really hope they don't show me bits they remove! That must have been horrific, Jezika. It does sound like I could be lying there for quite some time, though :(

The receptionist said that they didn't usually sedate people so I'll have to try without. I'm thinking of taking my ipod and blasting my brains with something fast and furious to get my courage up and drown out the panic. The receptionist will have some idea already of what they can expect from me as I was in tears on the phone to her.

I think I need to find out as much as I can between now and the appointment so I can think about it before they expect me to make decisions at the hospital. So if you have anything to share, Belfast, however frightening, please do. Maybe by PM if you don't want to scare anyone reading. It's much appreciated :)



KimJ
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 10 Jun 2006
Age: 54
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,418
Location: Arizona

02 Jan 2008, 4:49 pm

I'm going to say this, I had both early last year. I went almost 7 years between Paps and I had "dysplasia" (that precancerous lesions). I went so long because I've had such painful paps. Ironically, my family doctor wasn't painful at all. So, most of it is technique.
Both procedures were painful to me, though I was being told by my therapist that it wasn't painful at all. I really hate it when other women act like "it's no big deal" "what's the matter with you?!"
I didn't get any pain relief for the colposcopy. I was advised to take ibuprofen on my own. You probably should take something to calm yourself down beforehand because you need to be still for the procedure. I say prepare for the worst because most women don't experience pain and if you expect pain and don't feel it, then you're ahead of the game. :)



Pandora
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 17 Jun 2005
Age: 63
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,553
Location: Townsville

03 Jan 2008, 3:04 am

Last time I was meant to have a pap smear, I had a major melt-down in the doctor's surgery but it wasn't specificially about the smear. I now have a new doctor and need to make an appointment to have a smear. I've had a few others: the first one hurt a lot and I think the doctor pinched me on purpose because she didn't like me. A couple of later smears by other doctors didn't hurt, but one made me bleed a bit.

My sister had a colposcopy and it made her sore for a couple of days. It's a shame that general or even "twilight" anaesthesia could not be used. I think I would freak if I had to have a colposcopy too.

I'm also scared of dentists and think it would help to have a support person (but realise this is not always possible)


_________________
Break out you Western girls,
Someday soon you're gonna rule the world.
Break out you Western girls,
Hold your heads up high.
"Western Girls" - Dragon


Belfast
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 17 Jul 2005
Age: 51
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,802
Location: Windham County, VT

03 Jan 2008, 3:27 pm

Jezikaonline wrote:
I doubt they will give you both the colposcapy and the leep on the same day. From my understanding, they have to study the tissues they extract from the colposcapy to really know what needs to be taken care of with the LEEP.
I will be honest, mine was painful. I hated it. I cried all day. It was even worse when my doctor thought it would be a good idea to show me the pieces of my body that she pulled out. eeek. Made me feel sick.
Do you have an Ipod, or some form of a distraction by way of music? It helped for me to close my eyes, and not hear or see what was going on. I also brought a stuffed animal with me to squeeze when i got scared.

You are correct, they did the colposcopy first, results arrived a week later, appt. for LEEP made a month after that. No one showed me icky bits they removed, thank goodness. Music of one's choice is good distraction, as is having something one can squeeze (rather than dig one's nails into a person's skin).
KimJ wrote:
Both procedures were painful to me, though I was being told by my therapist that it wasn't painful at all. I really hate it when other women act like "it's no big deal" "what's the matter with you?!"
I didn't get any pain relief for the colposcopy. I was advised to take ibuprofen on my own. You probably should take something to calm yourself down beforehand because you need to be still for the procedure. I say prepare for the worst because most women don't experience pain and if you expect pain and don't feel it, then you're ahead of the game.

It's so invalidating when people act like those who do suffer pain are the exception-everyone's system is different. It's tough to prepare, no matter what mindset one tries to put in place. It's terrifying to expect pain-but the alternative is not expecting pain, which hardly guarantees absence of pain. I'd be resentful (would never trust that source of info. again) of anyone foolish enough to advise me in way that attempts to minimize what is incontrovertibly (for me) an uncomfortable & disturbing experience.
Macallan wrote:
The receptionist will have some idea already of what they can expect from me as I was in tears on the phone to her.
I think I need to find out as much as I can between now and the appointment so I can think about it before they expect me to make decisions at the hospital. So if you have anything to share, Belfast, however frightening, please do. Maybe by PM if you don't want to scare anyone reading. It's much appreciated

(You can expect a PM from me, also).
Went back to my journals from the time this happened to me, to see how events actually unfolded. I took several days to gather the courage to call up & make appts. for each of the steps along the way, since I really didn't want to deal with this !
Had my (Planned Parenthood) yearly exam in June, they sent me notice saying I needed colposcopy, which I did in August, and a week later results arrived. When I found out my pap test showed bad things, I freaked out.
06/16/00-"P.P. called & said I'll need a $400 test because I have something wrong with my cervix cells overdividing already. How stressful is this, and it just keeps getting worse...now it's my womanly innards that are mutinying trying to do me in before anything else gets the chance. Feel so flipped-out, like someone's stepping on my torso, angry and afraid & negative feelings as well."
06/19/00-"Fretting over the diagnosis given to me by P.P., scared & unsure & horrified. Hate the idea of having my innards chewed into by tools taking biopsies-f***ing nasty, and what would it achieve ? The tests and exam, costing $400-that's not even a cure or treatment, all the nastiness won't remove the dangerous cells from my delicate innards."

Phoned my aunt (who lived far away) & talked with her about all this-she has lots of accumulated wisdom from lifetime of unpleasant medical experiences. She mailed me a couple Xanax pills, which I took the morning of the appt..
08/08/00-Took 2 ibuprofin (as clinic's info. sheet suggested) beforehand, also-then walked to my appt. (no car). "Feel so anxious & my pulse is racing, I'm afraid the Xanax & the hot walk will make me faint & dizzy...Made it through somehow-stung &hurt, though. Nasty nasty." Took 2 more ibuprofin 4 hours later, then had a nap.
08/16/00-(a week later) P.P. called with results. "So it's not good news after all, I have to have 'LEEP' done to remove the class 3 severe dysplasia piece/area, 3 months from now or I will then have cancer-it's just starting to spread. That's another awful more expensive procedure, and only available from (not my local clinic, but a larger regional office), or for a much higher price at a local private practice."

A month after that, I had the LEEP done. Almost a month later, I got those results. They said things had been excised completely, so the acute crisis was over. Then there were repeat pap tests every 4 months in 2001, repeat tests every 6 months for next year, then back to "regular schedule"-once a year with my annual exam.You may not need anything more done, once results of colposcopy (sounds awful, just the word-so similar to colonoscopy) are in-so I'll skip going into all that, for now.

Didn't have internet access back then, so I called "1-800" numbers & asked for brochures & pamphlets to be mailed to me ahead of time, also pored over my copy of huge reference volume, "Our Bodies, Ourselves" by Boston Women's Health Book Collective.
Link to P.P. (USA) info. sheet, though you've said you're in UK:
http://www.plannedparenthood.org/sexual ... oscopy.htm

Pandora-sorry to neglect your post, I wrote this lengthy reply offline before seeing your comment. I have dental phobia & require a support person to be with me the whole time.


_________________
*"I don't know what it is, but I know what it isn't."*


Macallan
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

User avatar

Joined: 15 Oct 2007
Age: 56
Gender: Female
Posts: 371

03 Jan 2008, 4:54 pm

Thanks so much for all that detail, Belfast. You have had the most traumatic time and the thought of having LEEP without any form of sedative is appalling to me.

The link you provided is really useful, apart from the bit about it being 'nearly pain-free' :roll: Although I suppose that admitting that it can be traumatic and painful is not going to encourage women to have tests done.

I'm trying to prepare myself but, despite knowing the world isn't going to end, every so often I feel totally overwhelmed with what's going to happen, and hopeless that I can't avoid it.



Beenthere
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 29 Dec 2005
Age: 57
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,013
Location: Pa.

04 Jan 2008, 11:09 pm

I've heard that there is a numbing gel now that some Dr's can provide...might be something to inquire about.

I had one done about 12 years ago...two surgeries afterwards.

I requested something to help calm me down beforehand...but the Dr. blew me off completely and told me it was nothing and I wouldn't feel anything at all.

Needless to say he was full of it. I did find it painful, I got scared, panicked and freaked out midway during the procedure screaming like a lunatic at him.

He made sure he wrote "sedation" down on the forms for surgery and they gave me a small dose of valium beforehand and put me under for both. I think I scared the crap out of him and half of the people in the waiting room. :oops:

I've heard some people don't feel any pain at all with it though...everyone is different.


_________________
*Normal* is just a setting on the dryer.


Macallan
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

User avatar

Joined: 15 Oct 2007
Age: 56
Gender: Female
Posts: 371

05 Jan 2008, 3:45 am

Beenthere wrote:
I requested something to help calm me down beforehand...but the Dr. blew me off completely and told me it was nothing and I wouldn't feel anything at all.

Needless to say he was full of it. I did find it painful, I got scared, panicked and freaked out midway during the procedure screaming like a lunatic at him.

He made sure he wrote "sedation" down on the forms for surgery and they gave me a small dose of valium beforehand and put me under for both. I think I scared the crap out of him and half of the people in the waiting room. :oops:

In a gallows-humour kind of way that made me laugh, as it's exactly what I do - by the time they're done with me we all need sedation :lol: No matter how many times I tell them I'll freak out they still seem surprised and horrified when it happens.

The problem is that I have to drive myself there and back so can't have serious sedation.

It surprises me how many other women have serious issues with this procedure and yet the medical professionals seem to think it's just a little uncomfortable but no big problem. I thought I was the only one. I bet if men had to have the end of their penises excised with a laser or LEEP without sedation or even local anaesthetic whilst someone jammed their bumholes open, doctors would have found a more sensitive way to handle colposcopy :roll:



Beenthere
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 29 Dec 2005
Age: 57
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,013
Location: Pa.

05 Jan 2008, 11:22 am

Quote:
I bet if men had to have the end of their penises excised with a laser or LEEP without sedation or even local anaesthetic whilst someone jammed their bumholes open, doctors would have found a more sensitive way to handle colposcopy


Actually this is what I threatened to take his tool to when I first started freaking out and he yelled at me. :wink: :oops:

I can be extremely nasty, especially when I feel someone has not been throughly honest with me from the start...and I didn't feel he was.


_________________
*Normal* is just a setting on the dryer.