Disadvantages of Being an Attractive Female (kinda ranty)

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Postperson
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25 Jul 2008, 7:25 am

...and the other thing is your life turns into a perpetual catfight.

This is why I enjoy being older and having wrinkles - it's the first time in my life I actually can feel like i have some anonymity. People start ignoring you sometime around 40 (except for younger guys with 'older woman' phantasisies).

Its all extra work, you know like unpaid 'overtime' or extra duty. You're free 'living entertainment' everywhere you go. I never got much out of it except hassles. As if an aspie wants or needs to deal with the whole 'eye candy' thing, ugh...like i enjoy eye contact or something?



slowmutant
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25 Jul 2008, 7:31 am

Too bad you weren't born with wrinkles and gray hair.

The Handicappers from Harrison Bergeron could have eased the pain of your youthful radiance.



Postperson
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25 Jul 2008, 7:36 am

Slowmutant, I have found you obnoxious and stupid on many occasions here and generally that's why I don't reply to your posts. I just want you to be clear about why I don't generally respond to your posts. Equally, what I would like from you is that you don't respond to anything I write.

Also this is the 'womens discussion' section, so I suggest you leave.



Kaleido
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25 Jul 2008, 7:54 am

Postperson wrote:
...and the other thing is your life turns into a perpetual catfight.

I never did argue or fight with my persecutors; it wouldn't have stopped their pain and I doubt they would have accepted that the inner turmoil they were feeling belonged to them and it was not because of how I looked.



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25 Jul 2008, 10:10 am

This blog entry might interest you.


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Anemone
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25 Jul 2008, 10:45 am

I've had problems my whole life and can identify. I don't think of myself as attractive but apparently other people do, and that's what counts. I've been sexually harassed/abused since age 2 1/2 or earlier, that I know of, and I don't think it's ever going to end. Recently at age 43 I went in to audition for a student film and was asked to read for a teenager's role, so I guess I look pretty young still.

Years ago I read in John T. Molloy's Women's Dress for Success that attractive is good, but very attractive is bad, and that there are women who have to wear makeup to look less attractive in order to be taken seriously at work. He described a woman who wore something too sexy to an office party (she didn't think it was sexy but all the men did) and had to change jobs because of the reaction she got from men. He also says that women who are earthy are attractive to men, which can cause problems. Earthiness is not something you can cover up. (He also said that women shorter than 5'2" don't get taken seriously no matter what, which makes me damned many times over. :( )

Being too attractive can also be a problem for men. I've known two men who were too beautiful for their own good, thought I don't think it affected their work lives. It does make one's personal life more complicated, though. Some people are so beautiful it's distracting, and people trip over it all the time. One of these guys was great, the other a bit spoiled. I hope they're both doing ok.

If you're traumatized by rape or stalking, I strongly recommend Model Mugging self defense - it's the most effective self defense for women and it can rewire you on a cellular level to make you more confident, perhaps less easy a target. It's worth travelling long distances to take the course.

Recently, interestingly enough, I've noticed that when guys do a double take and smile, I feel a lot less threatened than I used to. Most of the time, they're not trying to be sleazy at all, just nice and friendly, and I can take it that way, now. Of course, it's not happening at work, since I'm unemployed. If it were happening at work I'd probably still have a problem with it, since it does interefere with holding down a job in any job besides kindergarten teacher.

Sometimes I call this problem "Counsellor Troi Syndrome" after the Star Trek: TNG character.



Fnord
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25 Jul 2008, 10:50 am

There is no assumption to privacy in public places. If you can be seen, then you will be looked at, whether directly, furtively, or through a camera lens, and by both men and women.

Thus, the solution is simple:

If you don't want to be looked at, then don't let yourself be seen.

Cover up. Stay inside. Draw the blinds. Don't answer the door.

Othwerwise, don't blame others for looking at you when you go out in public, blame yourself for letting yourself be seen.


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LiendaBalla
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25 Jul 2008, 12:31 pm

A couple here miss the point. No one should make their face be hidden in isolation. Not if it's lovely or scarred, or what ever. I do NOT agree with suggesting they hide and adopt of self shame just to combate other people's idiocy and in ability to control themselves.

Breeding does not excuse moral violation. (just looking is a completly different matter, and I don't recall that being mentioned as an issue here) Nore does a person's preference for attractions. We all have our varieties of attractions, but that doesn't give one of us the privaledge to abuse it or someone else.



Fnord
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25 Jul 2008, 12:43 pm

Unwanted verbal utterances constitute harassment. Unwanted physical contact is assault. Unwanted sexual intercourse is rape. Unwanted visual examination in a public place is to be expected. It not abusive or illegal to look at an attractive person.

If you don't want to be looked at, then don't let yourself be seen.


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release_the_bats
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25 Jul 2008, 12:56 pm

Fnord wrote:
There is no assumption to privacy in public places. If you can be seen, then you will be looked at, whether directly, furtively, or through a camera lens, and by both men and women.

Thus, the solution is simple:

If you don't want to be looked at, then don't let yourself be seen.

Cover up. Stay inside. Draw the blinds. Don't answer the door.


Yeah, I actually do that as much as I can, but I do have to go out in public sometimes. It is a basic necessity.

Fnord wrote:
Othwerwise, don't blame others for looking at you when you go out in public, blame yourself for letting yourself be seen.


I don't care if people look at me. I didn't say anything about that. I said I don't like it when people try to pick fights, interfere with my personal life, touch my against my will, etc. This behavior is unacceptable. There is nothing wrong with looking at someone.

Next time, please read my posts more carefully before responding.



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25 Jul 2008, 12:59 pm

release_the_bats wrote:
Fnord wrote:
Othwerwise, don't blame others for looking at you when you go out in public, blame yourself for letting yourself be seen.


I don't care if people look at me. I didn't say anything about that. I said I don't like it when people try to pick fights, interfere with my personal life, touch my against my will, etc. This behavior is unacceptable. There is nothing wrong with looking at someone.

Next time, please read my posts more carefully before responding.


Yes. And, I don't think you are whienning either.



release_the_bats
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25 Jul 2008, 1:04 pm

Wow, I was trying to create a thread about how superficial attitudes and aggressive behavior affect all kinds of people in negative ways. Many thanks to those who read carefully, understood, and offered advice and support.

I'll reiterate that I never meant to complain about being perceived as attractive. I don't care how I look.

I was expecting that more people would understand this and offer ideas about how to cope with the situations I listed in the OP. These situations are stressing me out. The accusations and misunderstandings being displayed here simply add to this stress.

I wanted to discuss these issues in a peaceful, respectful, and productive manner. Instead, there is too much aggression, lack of understanding, etc. It's counter-productive.

Mods, please lock this thread.



LiendaBalla
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25 Jul 2008, 1:13 pm

Perhaps you could try the "contact Us' option. You might want to leave the thread title, or a link there so they know where.



Lumina
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25 Jul 2008, 1:21 pm

Your little rant sounds like much of the rants you read from unattractive females who can’t get any attention from the opposite sex. Perhaps you may be sending out a vibe that implies that you want to be approached much like the unattractive female may be sending out a vibe that says, don’t come near me.

Females are sh***y no matter what you look like. You could be ugly and perceived as a threat.


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25 Jul 2008, 1:32 pm

release_the_bats wrote:
Mods, please lock this thread.


Congradulations! You've opened a can of worms!

Sorry.

I'm sorry that you got a lot of responses you didn't want in addition to the responses that you did want. You've obciously generated a lot of interest among the membership. I light of this level of interest, I can't very well justify locking the discussion.

I would like to ask everyone to respect rtb's intentions in opening this line of discussion, and please remember, this is in Women's Discussion.


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Fnord
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25 Jul 2008, 1:47 pm

release_the_bats wrote:
Fnord wrote:
There is no assumption to privacy in public places. If you can be seen, then you will be looked at, whether directly, furtively, or through a camera lens, and by both men and women.

Thus, the solution is simple:

If you don't want to be looked at, then don't let yourself be seen.

Cover up. Stay inside. Draw the blinds. Don't answer the door.


Yeah, I actually do that as much as I can, but I do have to go out in public sometimes. It is a basic necessity.

Fnord wrote:
Othwerwise, don't blame others for looking at you when you go out in public, blame yourself for letting yourself be seen.


I don't care if people look at me. I didn't say anything about that. I said I don't like it when people try to pick fights, interfere with my personal life, touch my against my will, etc. This behavior is unacceptable. There is nothing wrong with looking at someone.

Next time, please read my posts more carefully before responding.


Did you read this post from Sat Jul 26, 2008 4:43 am at all?

Fnord wrote:
Unwanted verbal utterances constitute harassment. Unwanted physical contact is assault. Unwanted sexual intercourse is rape. Unwanted visual examination in a public place is to be expected. It not abusive or illegal to look at an attractive person.

If you don't want to be looked at, then don't let yourself be seen.

I support your views. What I don't support is the attitude or idea that unwanted visual contact in a public place is somehow wrong and should be made illegal.

I'm sorry that you're upset, but if you don't want responses, then don't post any statements.


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