Page 2 of 2 [ 28 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1, 2

Marky9
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 4 Mar 2013
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,625
Location: USA

21 Jan 2014, 11:48 am

I can talk too much, and have to guard against it.

In small social group settings (e.g. 3 or more in a coffee shop) I will usually remain silent until an area of interest comes up. Then I will chime in, but am careful to limit my comments to one or two sentences. This is seldom an enjoyable experience and prefer to avoid such groups.

Business group meetings can be torture. At some point I typically become convinced that they are all wrong and that only I am correct. Meltdowns can sometimes ensue; again, not an enjoyable experience.

One-on-one social discussions are where I do better, but only because for a time I deliberately studied Active Listening (google it). In the past, people have told me how much they enjoy talking to me. Those were instances where I basically checked-out of the conversation and simply practiced Active Listening. The advantage these episodes had for me, though, is that over time I began to subconsciously incorporate those techniques into my normal, everyday discourse with people.

I still have to guard against becoming socially over-stimulated and talking too much. I find that monitoring what I say and limiting it to one, two, or at most three sentences can help. Also making sure that my comments acknowledge and build on what the other person just said helps keep me in line with where the other person wants the conversation to go.


_________________
"Righteous indignation is best left to those who are better able to handle it." - Bill W.


Mountain Goat
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 13 May 2019
Gender: Male
Posts: 10,480
Location: Wales,UK Relationship: Single Interests: Trains AgeGroup: 40's FavouriteColor: Green Music: CyndiLauper Pets: Cats and Ducks

19 Sep 2019, 6:15 am

Kairi96 wrote:
I often see people saying, on this forum and in real life too, that they talk too little. I know that this is an autistic trait, but it's not my case, at all. Most of the times, I talk too much, unless I have a shutdown (that can last even for a whole day, but usually for a few hours), or I am with people I don't want to talk to. But usually I talk a lot, even too much, usually about my interests, and people have often said me that I never stop, and I can go on talking even for minutes and minutes. Usually when I'm at home, for example while dining, I'll go on and on talking about something, unless my parents stop me. And when I'm not at home, even my classmates must sometimes stop me, and some of them also said I should talk less. I even talk during lessons, and sometimes I interrupt professors while they're talking. Can anybody else relate?


If I'm nurvous I am quiet. If I am relaxed and happy I talk too much. Then I stop talking as I feel guilty. So I am very "On" or "Off".
I tend to talk and talk about subjects I latch onto, but general everyday talk I struggle with and tend not to engage in conversations of this type.

The thing is, the more I think about it the more I seem to find myself with autistic traits, where as I have not been assessed, I feel that I am a fraud for shareing these traits... As after all... I may not be on the autistic spectrum. This leads me to panic as I then try to analyse everything I do, and even spend time analysing my thoughts... And then analysing those thoughts and then analysing the thoughts of the thoughts! STOP! This is getting silly!

So to answer the question. When I talk too much and everyone ignores me I am feeling normal. Is normal life. When I talk too much and people talk back I am happy. When I stop talking and go all quiet, then somethings wrong. I am withdrawn or depressed or need a bit of help.

So yes. I do talk too much but never used to. In my school or college years I rarely said a thing. I was always getting into trouble in classrooms for being too quiet. Always being told off for this... Which made me even more quiet and withdrawn into my own mind and thoughts.


_________________
Awaiting asessment. Neurodiverse 173/200. Neurotypical 21/200. Empathy 11/80. AQ 39.
Shutdown link: --》 Music I love: --》
Shutdown Experience similar to mine: --》


shortfatbalduglyman
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 4 Mar 2017
Age: 37
Gender: Male
Posts: 7,917

19 Sep 2019, 8:02 am

Sometimes I talk too much

Sometimes I talk too little

Plenty of (presumably) neurotypical lil dipshits, talk too much and too loud and there are too many of them.


.these ass holes are manipulative and judgmental

They don't let you disagree

They act like every thought and emotion that goes through their stupidass head is the latest greatest scientific invention

When I make the mistake of saying the slightest thing those b*****s have the nerve to grunt "huh" and "what". Like it is the etiquette equivalent of "excuse me"

If they like it they say "cool"

A job interviewer asked "where were you born"

Answer

"Cool cool cool "

He acted like I had a moral obligation to say "thank you" for the compliment

Otherwise if he did not find it "cool", then I had a moral duty to apologize and be born in the correct location,

Stupid lil penis

Some neurotypicals (uppity extroverts and negative extroverts) act like every slightest thing is so funny


Pseudobulbar affect


:roll:


And I get paranoid they are laughing at me


They act like they know everything is ok


:skull:


If they don't like it they say "sucks"

Like they have a moral right to veto anything they don't like


Or "why?"


A karate instructor had the nerve to ask me "why are you trembling?"

Ativan side effects

"I don't care. I've seen you not do it before. Stop it"


How about , "why are you alive?". "I don't care. I've seen you not do it before. Stop it".


She told me a correct statement

And it makes sense


But the implication is that, just because you did something before, you can do it again

The implication is wrong


For example when I was born I weighed eight pounds and I can't do it again


f**k mister redelings



"Why" could be a justified and good question, but only when equally applied to things you like and don't like.


Same amount of scrutiny



Anyways, even if the statement is not judgmental literally, the implication is judgmental


"You bit the sticker off the apple"

Is correct, but I don't want or need a running commentary of everything I do


She acted like I was a football game and she was a sports announcer



Entitled lil b***h


f**k Nate Pearson and it's dad



Benjamin the Donkey
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 7 Mar 2017
Age: 57
Gender: Male
Posts: 882

19 Sep 2019, 8:20 am

shortfatbalduglyman wrote:
Sometimes I talk too much

Sometimes I talk too little

Plenty of (presumably) neurotypical lil dipshits, talk too much and too loud and there are too many of them.


.these ass holes are manipulative and judgmental

They don't let you disagree

They act like every thought and emotion that goes through their stupidass head is the latest greatest scientific invention

When I make the mistake of saying the slightest thing those b*****s have the nerve to grunt "huh" and "what". Like it is the etiquette equivalent of "excuse me"

If they like it they say "cool"

A job interviewer asked "where were you born"

Answer

"Cool cool cool "

He acted like I had a moral obligation to say "thank you" for the compliment

Otherwise if he did not find it "cool", then I had a moral duty to apologize and be born in the correct location,

Stupid lil penis

Some neurotypicals (uppity extroverts and negative extroverts) act like every slightest thing is so funny


Pseudobulbar affect


:roll:


And I get paranoid they are laughing at me


They act like they know everything is ok


:skull:


If they don't like it they say "sucks"

Like they have a moral right to veto anything they don't like


Or "why?"


A karate instructor had the nerve to ask me "why are you trembling?"

Ativan side effects

"I don't care. I've seen you not do it before. Stop it"


How about , "why are you alive?". "I don't care. I've seen you not do it before. Stop it".


She told me a correct statement

And it makes sense


But the implication is that, just because you did something before, you can do it again

The implication is wrong


For example when I was born I weighed eight pounds and I can't do it again


f**k mister redelings



"Why" could be a justified and good question, but only when equally applied to things you like and don't like.


Same amount of scrutiny



Anyways, even if the statement is not judgmental literally, the implication is judgmental


"You bit the sticker off the apple"

Is correct, but I don't want or need a running commentary of everything I do


She acted like I was a football game and she was a sports announcer



Entitled lil b***h


f**k Nate Pearson and it's dad


"Lil dipshits"..."ass holes"..."stupid lil penis"... "entitled lil b***h"....

And you think other people are judgemental? :roll:


_________________
"Donkeys live a long time. None of you has ever seen a dead donkey."


King Kat 1
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl

User avatar

Joined: 14 Aug 2020
Age: 40
Gender: Male
Posts: 162
Location: NW Ohio

18 Apr 2021, 12:48 pm

I can run hot and cold on this. If I am around a small group of trusted people, I can be quite chatty. If I'm around people I don't know or just never speak to, then you will hardly get a word out of me. In my current work situation, I don't say much but I've had others where I have been somewhat chatty. At one job I had, back in my mid 20s, at first everyone thought I was deaf at first as I never spoke.

When I go visit family, I have to watch myself. Meaning, if I talk to much I get myself in trouble and if I don't talk then I'll get asked "What's wrong?" "Aren't you having fun?" of I'll get accused of acting rude. I have to be careful around my father or I'll get snapped at "Get to the point" " Ok we get it!". Luckily, family gatherings are only about 3 times a year.

When my parents are in town, I just kind of go with the flow. I learned long ago, that's there's no point in trying to convince them with facts or anything, there to set in there ways.


_________________
Strange is your language and I have no decoder, why don't you make your intentions clear?- Peter Gabriel


Fern
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 6 May 2011
Age: 35
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,188

18 Apr 2021, 1:54 pm

Kairi96 wrote:
Most of the times, I talk too much ... Can anybody else relate?


Yes I can.


_________________
This is me.


Fern
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 6 May 2011
Age: 35
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,188

18 Apr 2021, 2:16 pm

shortfatbalduglyman wrote:
A karate instructor had the nerve to ask me "why are you trembling?"

Ativan side effects

"I don't care. I've seen you not do it before. Stop it"


I could relate to this a lot. Some karate instructors have a very "hammer the nail that sticks out" or even worse "there is no fear in the dojo" philosophy. I don't like it either. I think they don't realize (or perhaps some just don't care) that they are being exclusionary. I am a martial artist as well, have been training for a long time, but not as long as some. This kind of thing still happens to me sometimes. A number of years ago I had to move somewhere new for work (I tend to wear a white belt when I do this, until I get permission from the new dojo to wear my black belt). One of the instructors there was unfamiliar with me and so began to pick:

"Why are you avoiding eye contact with me when I give you an order?"
"Why do you jump when I yell?"
"Why can't you make these corrections when I am telling you to just do it?"

I have learned over the years that it's best to just let people like that shout. The proof is in the pudding. One day the two of us were asked to spar in front of everyone (which in a way was not fair because I am much younger and have two good knees). I had no trouble with this. I knew everything going on in my opponent's head because they had been taking up all of the airspace with what they thought, but my mindset was still a mystery to them because I was never asked. Make fun of my involuntary startle reflex if you will, but don't misunderstand and think that it means I'm afraid of you.


_________________
This is me.


Joe90
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 23 Feb 2010
Gender: Female
Posts: 19,841
Location: South-East England

19 Apr 2021, 2:44 pm

I talk too much even if I'm feeling depressed or anxious. I have ADHD and I get impulsive urges to talk. I don't have special interests so I don't talk about the same thing, I just like to speak. Sometimes something pops into my head that is too random or irrelevant and I stop myself from saying it but still wish I could say it. I just want people to know what I'm feeling.

That's why I post a lot on WP, because there are slightly different rules on any internet forums/social media sites than there are with offline social interaction.


_________________
Female
Aged 31
On antidepressants
Have ASD, ADHD and anxiety disorder
Empathy score: 61 out of a possible 80. (High)


Appletree1987
Emu Egg
Emu Egg

Joined: 7 Mar 2021
Gender: Male
Posts: 2
Location: Leamington

19 Apr 2021, 4:17 pm

you sound exactly like me!. except you don't actually talk. I think people around me think i talk to much. I start talking then realise people aren't interested in me. ;)



Joe90
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 23 Feb 2010
Gender: Female
Posts: 19,841
Location: South-East England

19 Apr 2021, 5:58 pm

Appletree1987 wrote:
you sound exactly like me!. except you don't actually talk. I think people around me think i talk to much. I start talking then realise people aren't interested in me. ;)


Was you referring to me?


_________________
Female
Aged 31
On antidepressants
Have ASD, ADHD and anxiety disorder
Empathy score: 61 out of a possible 80. (High)


longshot
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 4 Dec 2018
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,807
Location: In some fictional location

25 Apr 2021, 10:58 am

Oh yes, I've heard this pointed out to me several times in an insincere manner..


_________________
Just dealing with hurdles and stumbling blocks


Fenn
Toucan
Toucan

User avatar

Joined: 1 Sep 2014
Gender: Male
Posts: 280
Location: Pennsylvania

25 Apr 2021, 1:54 pm

I sometimes have to end an e-mail or post with:
I am sorry this was so long, I didn't have time to make it shorter.


_________________
ADHD-I(diagnosed) ASD-HF(undiagnosed - maybe)
RDOS scores - Aspie score 131/200 - neurotypical score 69/200 - very likely Aspie