How to recognise manipulation and what to do about it

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hurtloam
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28 Nov 2021, 11:39 am

This is a really good video on how to recognise manipulative behaviour and how to set boundaries. She has especially created this with autistic viewers in mind.



RubyWings91
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28 Nov 2021, 11:46 am

Thanks for sharing



QuantumChemist
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28 Nov 2021, 12:27 pm

I have to deal with very manipulative coworkers on a daily bases. They try to locate weaknesses in others and then exploit them. I get really tired of their constant mind games.

Case in point, at my last departmental meeting two of my coworkers were asking everyone for their personality type set. It was not because they were just curious, they know that each personality set has weaknesses. I just gave them the “I don’t know” answer even though I know that I am a strong INTJ. They wanted to make it a “professional development” item, so that they can find this information out for exploitation later on. I will not be participating in their game, as I plan on using false answers to change the results away from the real answer.

The department culture has become a major area of stress for me. Said coworkers have openly expressed that they want to get rid of all of the “older white men” in the department, so that they can bring in more of their friends. Guess what, I happen to fall into that “older white men” classification. It does not matter how well you do your job, just that you have to be like them. I do not like to discriminate against anyone, so why do they think it is fair to do it to me? It just makes me hate all of humanity more than I already do.



babybird
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28 Nov 2021, 12:32 pm

Sounds similar to where I used to work.



Aspinator
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28 Nov 2021, 12:48 pm

That was very informative. I feel Aspies are more susceptible to manipulation because deep-down we feel flawed and are eager to please. We also tend to have a easy-going personality. So if somebody already has a bend to try and manipulate you; unfortunately we tend to be suckers for such behavior.



smudge
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28 Nov 2021, 1:25 pm

I find she rubs me up the wrong way. She seems full of herself. Like her comment at the beginning, "how many times do i have to say this ??" is kinda grating, she's telling people off. I don't like that. I got to the gaslighting part, it seems informative so far.


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Dear_one
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28 Nov 2021, 1:40 pm

I think that such advice should be gender-specific. People can't help reacting differently according to the mix.



smudge
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28 Nov 2021, 2:22 pm

Aspinator wrote:
I feel Aspies are more susceptible to manipulation because deep-down we feel flawed and are eager to please. We also tend to have a easy-going personality.


Yeh, that's me. :lol:


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theprisoner
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28 Nov 2021, 2:49 pm

I am polite... up to a point. I'm fair easy going... until something goes wrong.


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CinderashAutomaton
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29 Nov 2021, 4:24 am

I have some issues with her material.

- Her issue about the treatment of cluster B personality types needs more detailed context, otherwise it also includes the argument of medical conditions being an excuse for atrocious behavior as well as denying people's right to defend themselves from the harm that may be caused by cluster B personality types.

- I can already tell by her use of language regarding 'control' and 'manipulation' that she has a flawed understanding of it. Control and manipulation aren't, by themselves, unethical. They are employed regularly to ensure the safety of people who lack the ability to so themselves in one way or another, like children for example or even just someone who's about to walk across traffic lanes and doesn't see an incoming car. The government also controls and manipulates the spread of information and resources so that methods and materials with the strong potential to cause mass harm, like bombs and deadly poisons or toxins.
Calling control and manipulation bad is just as ignorant calling knives a danger to society, calling martial arts or weight lifting a proponent of violent crime, or calling porn a threat to the institution of marriage.
More importantly, failing to address the distinction between ethical and unethical makes it far harder for people judge circumstances that aren't readily apparent or that may be hiding behind deception.

I don't have time to go through it all atm so I'll comment again later once I get to watch more of the video. Also, although I'm making criticisms I am appreciative of their effort. I strongly believe that children should learn how to defend themselves from other humans in school. It would not only help vulnerable individuals from becoming victims (and even the general public from becoming victims to unethical corporate/authoritative behaviors) but it would also make everyone more alert and publicly against it upon witnessing it. It would, as whole, change social culture for the better and keep us from losing out on the vast potential of those suppressed by it.

My advice to people is always to read up about coercion, philosophies regarding the different types of relationships (friendship in particular, of course), and ethics regarding trade.

A lot of social interaction can be regarded as various instances of trading, and knowing the ins and outs of trade can help to avoid being taken advantage of in various ways. And yes, even altruism and genuine friendship can be described with trade. In fact, monitoring the exchanges is necessary to ensure you aren't being deceived or otherwise taken advantage of.


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ezbzbfcg2
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29 Nov 2021, 5:29 am

QuantumChemist wrote:
The department culture has become a major area of stress for me. Said coworkers have openly expressed that they want to get rid of all of the “older white men” in the department, so that they can bring in more of their friends. Guess what, I happen to fall into that “older white men” classification. It does not matter how well you do your job, just that you have to be like them. I do not like to discriminate against anyone, so why do they think it is fair to do it to me? It just makes me hate all of humanity more than I already do.

Yes. It's called workplace mobbing. No matter what you do or don't do, you're the one at fault. Sometimes, management finds it easier to get rid of "that one guy" than to do an honest and just investigation. Also, you see now that sexism isn't just a female problem and that whites can be the victims of racism too, despite what you've been told all your life. Do you feel privileged?

theprisoner wrote:
I am polite... up to a point. I'm fair easy going... until something goes wrong.

Count your blessings. The day may come where you find actions are secondary. It's not what you do, it's who you are doing it. Blow up in the workplace, management may just use it as more "proof" that you're really the one to blame, even if it was a response to injustice toward you.



blazingstar
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29 Nov 2021, 6:06 am

I enjoyed this presentation, and usually I can’t tolerate you tube videos for more than about 90 seconds.

I wish I had known all this when I was her age.

Actually she does say there are types of control/manipulation that are okay; that’s just not what she has chosen to talk about in this video.

I can see lots that could be used to criticize her presentation, but overall, I think it was excellent, contained some very good points and could be useful.

Thanks for posting, hurtloam.


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Mountain Goat
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29 Nov 2021, 6:22 am

I have had situations in the past where most of the staff go against company rules and take short cuts that can endanger customer lives. I voiced my concerns and refused to copy the other staff as I did not want to be responsible for anyone harmed if I did not do my job properly.
I was brought to the side alone and had to sit and have a talk about complaints made against me not being a team player. I quoted the company rules and also shared my direct concerns about safety and I was told either I comply and bend the rules or I will be out of a job for showing the other staff up (Including the senior staff member who was in charge) and if I carried on with my refusal to take short cuts they would all face the sack.

I was going to leave the job there and then but several staff members persuaded me to stay so they would not get the sack, as if I had walked out they would have to look into it from above and over half the staff would have the sack.

We reached a stalemate for a while where I refused to comply and they carried on as they were, but I was then continually bullied from that senior member and as he was also in charge of allocating the staffing hours I had to work double the hours to get the same pay. This continued for a coupke of years and he tried all he could to make my job impossible to work. Eventually he spread my part time hours so thinly across 7 days a week that the free hours were more then the paid hours and the cost of commuting to work and back was more then my pay so I left. (I was entitled to a lunch break but daily had to work through it and ate a sandwich or two while I worked. This was regular daily life for me there but the other staff had proper breaks though even theirs was a quarter of an hour less than they were officially entitled to by law).
I later worked for another store of the same company and it was like working in a different world and all the staff were kind to me etc and valued me, but the mental damage had been done of the years of abuse, which is why I kept mentally breaking down... That was the last time I worked so far back in 2019. They were temporary contracts and I forced myself to the end of each temp contract so I would not be letting the staff down.



hmk66
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29 Nov 2021, 7:06 am

hurtloam wrote:
This is a really good video on how to recognise manipulative behaviour and how to set boundaries. She has especially created this with autistic viewers in mind.



I will yet look into it. I am manipulated at work and I suspect the Dutch people being manipulated by the government, related to the corona virus. I do see similarities, but I am eager to watch the video and comment here later on.



babybird
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29 Nov 2021, 11:07 am

Just watched the video. I didn't like the woman presenting it as she reminded me too much of my old boss who scapegoated me.

I found the clip to be triggering. Not helpful at all.



katzhutte
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29 Nov 2021, 11:26 am

Didn't watch the video ( I have a very short attention span ) but from my experience I only recognise manipulation when it's too late.