Are you "noticeably autistic"?
I'm noticeably something. Because I am female, extroverted and expressive, Autism does not come to mind for most people. I am able to suppress most stereotypical ASD traits in general company (which is unpleasant to do). I come across as the absent-minded professor or child-like. All bets are off with high stress (or excitement). I noticed my 11yo daughter is now doing less clapping and obvious stimming, and biting her nails more (as I did at her age).
funeralxempire
Veteran
Joined: 27 Oct 2014
Age: 39
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 25,184
Location: Right over your left shoulder
I'm noticeably something.
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"If you stick a knife in my back 9 inches and pull it out 6 inches, there's no progress. If you pull it all the way out, that's not progress. The progress is healing the wound that the blow made... and they won't even admit the knife is there." Malcolm X
戦争ではなく戦争と戦う
Noticeable enough to be diagnosed, albeit later on in life as I lost my ability to cope with its symptoms. Likely not all that noticeable to most everyone else otherwise, but that will depend on the context and who I am interacting with. Eye contact can range from enjoyable to painful depending on who, for example. I have trouble with spontaneous speech, and I do get overwhelmed by all of the incoming sensory data, so I won't get across what I fully want to unless I'm lecturing or telling a story. Meaning, it'll mostly be my verbal ability where things will be noticeable to others, but I'm sure I'd still look and sound normal enough most times. I'll be of the "passive" presentation of autism.
This will be compounded by the poverty of speech of schizophrenia (what's what exits stage conflicting social impairments). Pseudobulbar affect will probably be the most noticeable thing I have (schizophrenia too), but it's not all that common. People don't see my "meltdowns"/"shutdowns".
I internalize things rather than externalize.
People see me as a person who gets anxious a lot, but because I don't express it the "autistic way", everyone just thinks I'm an NT with anxiety.
Expressing anxiety the "autistic way" (in a way which may make autism obvious) is rocking or hand-flapping or wringing the hands, or going non-verbal or putting hands over the ears to shut out noise and overstimulation. I don't do any of that and I don't consciously avoid doing any of that either, I naturally don't do any of that.
When I express anxiety it's through verbal communication or facial expressions. I might say "I'm worried about..." and be willing to talk about it. If I feel really bad I might cry but still tell people concerned why I'm crying. Eye contact isn't a problem no matter how I'm feeling.
So I'm quite NT in my mannerisms and social communication. My social struggles seem to be social anxiety more than autism, but alas I still have autism according to two different specialists, because I get anxious too much about everyday life, even though I never knew autism was another term for anxiety disorder.
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Female
Most people don't really pinpoint that I'm specifically "autistic", but they at least seem to notice that I have some sort of developmental delay, or something else "wrong" with me. If I don't get treated like I'm exceptionally "odd", I usually get treated like a child instead, which at 21 years old can be frustrating. Sometimes I wish I could mask well enough to be treated like an adult by most people, and not like I'm some socially inept idiot.
My biggest problem is my social anxiety not my asperger's. It becomes much more obvious much more quickly the older I get & the less I go out. If I could get that back under control, I doubt my asperger's would be a problem. It really wasn't a problem until the anxiety got to be too much.
For people that really know about Autism, I'm probably fairly typical / textbook in many ways.
But most people don't really know what it is, and what it really looks like Unless they have known someone with a diagnosis. But then they might think every Autistic will be like that one person they knew. We know that is not the case. . They are gonna think of Rain Man or Sheldon Cooper and I'm not much like either of them.
If I ever have meltdowns these days they are rare and self contained as much as possible. I have shutdowns when overly stressed or anxious and these get attention. I'm not aware of doing any stims in public.
My overall manner may be somewhat odd, and noticed by strangers, but people that know me are sometimes polite, but I do get the occasional comment. At least I understand why now. Maybe one day I will no longer care when this happens. I think this may happen. I can feel that it is in the process of happening.
In a way that I don't understand benzos help me to wear that socially acceptable mask. I don't understand because the whole thing is almost entirely subconscious. I get a few hints and clues now and then, but overall I just seem to be more socially smart in some way when I use them, and I manage many more scenarios without negative attention or consequences. So they are an absolute godsend in that regard.
Hard to say. Only one person ever told me they thought I might have ASD, and that person was studying autism and had lived with me for a few years. The people I mix with tend to be fairly polite and mostly wouldn't be that forward about what they thought of me. I told somebody I had ASD once, and they looked surprised and said "you certainly hide it well." And as others have said, most people don't know what ASD is anyway. I've almost certainly come over as odd from time to time, perhaps less in recent years.
When I handed in my diagnosis at work, a supervisor said "that explains everything." I never found out what they'd found inexplicable about me before. But that was in the workplace where the demands of the job were running counter to what I could cope with as an Aspie. It was an unusual situation - I'm not saying purely social situations are easy to get through without raising people's eyebrows, but I think that workplace situation was worse, because there were a stack of demands on me and my performance was being watched.
In a purely social environment, as long as I can look comfortable while I'm being mostly ignored, I don't think I'd stand out as being particularly odd. I usually get through social situations without making a spectacle of myself, I just find the effort rather tiring and painful, and I rarely get anything out of them.
Sometimes. People who know what autism is and how it presents have pointed me out before, even if they didn't know me personally, but most of the time, I'm just seen as very odd, and even doctors have gotten it wrong. I've been diagnosed with almost every neurodiverse disorder, including autism.
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