Being round strangers

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I find I feel more social anxiety around strangers than anyone else. When you're around strangers you can't express yourself, and the unwritten rules are more tense and pressurising. Strangers judge you on the outside without considering what you're feeling, and they stare and judge if you're not a clone of them. People express their true personalities when they're interacting together, but when you're out in public you have to hide your unique personality and just be exactly the same as everyone else.

It's like last summer when me and my boyfriend were invited to a pool party. Being so we drove there my boyfriend just had his swimming shorts on and a t-shirt, because it was so hot that day. But on the way we had to go to a store to buy some drinks to bring to the party, and usually he would have went into the store but he asked me to because he said that he feels embarrassed going into the store in his swimming shorts, even though he still looked respectable. It made me think, that he had no shame in turning up to a party dressed that way, but going somewhere where there are strangers was completely different. I know that's because strangers will only judge what they see, and instead of rationalising like "well, it's a hot weekend, he's buying some drinks, it's obvious he's on his way to a pool party or to cool off somewhere", they look and go "what the hell is he wearing? What a freak! Let's stare with judgemental contempt."

And that's why I get anxiety around strangers. People who know me generally know who I am and what I'm doing, and if they are unsure then I can explain and they'll be like "oh I see", or if they do want to judge then I allow it more, because I know them. With strangers you can't explain your life or intentions to them, they only judge you from their perspective, they think everyone in public should be as mundane and emotionless as possible, all doing the same thing, and if they don't like some tiny trivial detail about you they'll communicate that by staring. And being stared at by people I don't know feels a lot more frightening than interacting with people I do know.

Probably other Aspies won't relate to this, as the typical autism way of seeing this is "not interacting with people is not frightening, it's easier! And I don't care if strangers stare because I can ignore them." But I see it the opposite way.

I dont know if its a thing, but some male shorts look like male underwear, though its to be worn outside. There's little difference lol. I guess men aren't very easily forgiven for what they wear, either.

Is your boyfriend on the spectrum?

Does anyone have any advice how not to get overwhelmed when you have to be around a bunch of people you do not know? I do not want to draw attention to myself, just do not want to feel major anxiety.