Problem that is making me feel fear for the future
07 Jun 2023, 2:56 pm
AprilR wrote:
You are not alone, i also think i was not meant to be an adult sometimes. I feel like a child most of the time. I don't know how much property is supposed to cost, i feel like i would be an easy target for scammers and i am scared of it. I wish there was a common sense or street smarts class when i was a child bc i struggle with a lot of what you mentioned too.
Hello and sorry for the late reply.
While I am sorry to hear you are in this situation, you articulated your post in a way I could really relate, maybe we could buddy up and support each other if you want.
07 Jun 2023, 2:59 pm
ToughDiamond wrote:
Similar here, though I've begun to do better in relationships.
I've bought several houses and didn't find it that hard (though there's a lot to do) because the estate agents and my solicitor were helpful. I've only sold one, and that was a done deal with the neighbour so it didn't take much effort. I dread the thought of trying to sell the one I'm living in, so I hope it'll never happen. I can't imagine moving all my stuff to a new place.
There does seem to be something about me that attracts trouble whenever I try to do anything that involves the co-operation of other people, especially service providers. So when the goal is very important and has a deadline, I worry a lot, and put an enormous amount of work into trying to pre-empt trouble so that I won't have to solve problems on the hoof, but snags still come up and I always think that one of these days it's going to be fatal to the mission. Wouldn't be so bad if the world stopped changing how it did things all the time. I'm not great at communicating to people what I need, and I'm not great at understanding their replies. Not that it's always my fault. The world isn't a particularly caring, patient place, and it screws up a lot.
I've bought several houses and didn't find it that hard (though there's a lot to do) because the estate agents and my solicitor were helpful. I've only sold one, and that was a done deal with the neighbour so it didn't take much effort. I dread the thought of trying to sell the one I'm living in, so I hope it'll never happen. I can't imagine moving all my stuff to a new place.
There does seem to be something about me that attracts trouble whenever I try to do anything that involves the co-operation of other people, especially service providers. So when the goal is very important and has a deadline, I worry a lot, and put an enormous amount of work into trying to pre-empt trouble so that I won't have to solve problems on the hoof, but snags still come up and I always think that one of these days it's going to be fatal to the mission. Wouldn't be so bad if the world stopped changing how it did things all the time. I'm not great at communicating to people what I need, and I'm not great at understanding their replies. Not that it's always my fault. The world isn't a particularly caring, patient place, and it screws up a lot.
Sorry for the late reply. I really appreciate your post and wish I found property as easy, I just want my flat to be my comfy forever home. I love the location, it's the interior and the jackass alterations my old owner did, plus ignorance of the lease restrictions on my part, damaging the property of the building owner, I fear it's ruined my life and fear it will leave a mess for loved ones when I die.
07 Jun 2023, 3:06 pm
JimJohn wrote:
diagnosedafter50 wrote:
bee33 wrote:
diagnosedafter50 wrote:
I made this post because, an indescribable problem has blighted my life, made me feel I cannot cope as an adult, vulnerable.
I was hoping autism was the reason, and came on here to see if others shared this misfortune, as I feel quite alone and it's hard not to mentally beat myself up, as it has put me in some unnecessarily bad positions.
I don't have any desire other than self awareness.
I like to minimise uncertainty, I like stability. Some stress in life is needed, otherwise we would just not move, but the amount caused by this is bad, stress causes disease.
I was hoping autism was the reason, and came on here to see if others shared this misfortune, as I feel quite alone and it's hard not to mentally beat myself up, as it has put me in some unnecessarily bad positions.
I don't have any desire other than self awareness.
I like to minimise uncertainty, I like stability. Some stress in life is needed, otherwise we would just not move, but the amount caused by this is bad, stress causes disease.
It does sound like your difficulties could be due to autism.
It seems that you have two problems that you are dealing with: one is difficulty in keeping track of what things are important to pay attention to, and then slipping up, leading you to miss something important, which causes practical problems and stress, and the other is feeling that you are inadequate and likely to make mistakes, and then beating yourself up over it. The first one is a practical problem, the second one is an emotional problem. I think you can deal with each one separately.
I'm not sure how to improve the practical problem. You said you already write down lists, which is something I would suggest, but that hasn't worked for you. Is there anyone who can help you look over your lists to see if you missed something? The other thing I would do is try to minimize being involved in situations that will require you to be able to pay attention to all the details. That's easier said than done. But if there are things that might be a challenge and you don't absolutely have to do them, can you just not do them?
But the main thing that seems to be troubling you is how you feel about making mistakes and missing important things. I don't know if seeing a therapist is an option for you, but there are strategies for that. We all need to learn to accept ourselves as we are, without feeling that we should be different somehow. We all have flaws and inadequacies. We have to learn to live with them and realize that it's okay. It's okay not to be good at some things or to have difficulties that other people don't generally seem to have. I know you're worried that you might make mistakes that will later cause bigger problems. That's a real concern. But not beating yourself up over it is doable.
I don't know if this helps. I wish you the best.
I really hope my difficulties are due to autism.
I don't always have anyone to look over lists to see if I have missed something.
I feel really alone with this problem.
I guess my problem affects things we cannot avoid.
I feel really bad about missing important things because of the trouble it gets me into.
I see someone who used to work as a psychotherapist, she gives me her time.
I agree beating myself up is bad but I get scared that I do not feel adequate enough to be an adult.
It sounds a little bit like loneliness. I don’t have anyway of knowing. I have read that loneliness can make people worry and be a little paranoid.
If it were loneliness, you might have a better way to address it. It sounds a little like you are reporting on your feelings in a stream of consciousness. I don’t think anyone (or few people) have the ability to escape the effects of loneliness when confronted with it. It can be something that happens with age.
Maybe loneliness is giving you anxiety and making you paranoid. I throw that out there because not everyone knows that it does that to people. I obviously don’t know your situation.
If you were able to pinpoint that as an issue, there would be ways to address it or at least understand it. It would be more addressable than autism IMHO.
This is just an interesting side note … but I watched a video that said if you are lonely you should not be put under anesthesia because you might wake up in a terror attack. I just bring it up to point out that it is a real physiological thing. Anesthesiologists can not ethically put you under if you are lonely. Supposedly, it causes the operating room staff some issues to have operations postponed due to loneliness. It’s on YouTube if someone wanted to research it. I might be exaggerating the point but it is interesting.
p.s. I’m feeling pretty good about this post being remotely helpful. My other ones fell short of the mark I am afraid.
I like solitude, I love my own space and while I have low self esteem when it comes to thinking and adult stuff, and errors, I do like my own company, but I feel lonely because of the choices I made in life, the way I responded to abuse in an immature way, not managing to meet the right partner, no kids, grandkids.
I do socialise quite a bit, I am lucky in that I meet friends for coffee, nothing against them, but I value the other friends at the art centre I go to more.
It’s the schoolgirl lack of common sense mistakes I make that piss me off, and the fact that I miss important things out in arguments, discussions, reports to doctors, tradesmen etc, leaves me feeling vulnerable.
I feel lonely in that I feel I am the only one who makes these silly mistakes, things not occurring to me that should occur to me, oblivious of the obvious.
I am ok being autistic, it explains a lot and I would like to use it for an excuse to bring a dipshit.
I’ve had anaesthesia twice. The first time I woke and freaked, I was laid flat and they were trying to get an oxygen mask on me, the second time was ok.
Thanks for your post.
07 Jun 2023, 3:10 pm
bee33 wrote:
diagnosedafter50 wrote:
I made this post because, an indescribable problem has blighted my life, made me feel I cannot cope as an adult, vulnerable.
I was hoping autism was the reason, and came on here to see if others shared this misfortune, as I feel quite alone and it's hard not to mentally beat myself up, as it has put me in some unnecessarily bad positions.
I don't have any desire other than self awareness.
I like to minimise uncertainty, I like stability. Some stress in life is needed, otherwise we would just not move, but the amount caused by this is bad, stress causes disease.
I was hoping autism was the reason, and came on here to see if others shared this misfortune, as I feel quite alone and it's hard not to mentally beat myself up, as it has put me in some unnecessarily bad positions.
I don't have any desire other than self awareness.
I like to minimise uncertainty, I like stability. Some stress in life is needed, otherwise we would just not move, but the amount caused by this is bad, stress causes disease.
It does sound like your difficulties could be due to autism.
It seems that you have two problems that you are dealing with: one is difficulty in keeping track of what things are important to pay attention to, and then slipping up, leading you to miss something important, which causes practical problems and stress, and the other is feeling that you are inadequate and likely to make mistakes, and then beating yourself up over it. The first one is a practical problem, the second one is an emotional problem. I think you can deal with each one separately.
I'm not sure how to improve the practical problem. You said you already write down lists, which is something I would suggest, but that hasn't worked for you. Is there anyone who can help you look over your lists to see if you missed something? The other thing I would do is try to minimize being involved in situations that will require you to be able to pay attention to all the details. That's easier said than done. But if there are things that might be a challenge and you don't absolutely have to do them, can you just not do them?
But the main thing that seems to be troubling you is how you feel about making mistakes and missing important things. I don't know if seeing a therapist is an option for you, but there are strategies for that. We all need to learn to accept ourselves as we are, without feeling that we should be different somehow. We all have flaws and inadequacies. We have to learn to live with them and realize that it's okay. It's okay not to be good at some things or to have difficulties that other people don't generally seem to have. I know you're worried that you might make mistakes that will later cause bigger problems. That's a real concern. But not beating yourself up over it is doable.
I don't know if this helps. I wish you the best.
I hope my difficulties could be due to autism.
You nailed it pretty well.
I feel inadequate as an adult sometimes, like my flat is going to structurally collapse or something in time.
I see a lady who was a qualified psychotherapist, she’s a director of an art company now.
She is good.
I just feel so vulnerable over this, my mother advised me not to get my first house surveyed, so I could stay with her, she was abusive, it was like she knows of this problem and exploited it.
07 Jun 2023, 8:45 pm
I am the absent-minded professor type of Autism. I can solve a complex problem, but can't tie my shoes (do something simple). An equally intelligent friend of mine reluctantly bought his first house in his 50s and discovered it had asbestos. He paid for the necessary mitigation and then sold the house. He had never moved into it. It was a few years later that he bought another house. Last I heard he was happy there.
08 Jun 2023, 3:54 am
SharonB wrote:
I am the absent-minded professor type of Autism. I can solve a complex problem, but can't tie my shoes (do something simple). An equally intelligent friend of mine reluctantly bought his first house in his 50s and discovered it had asbestos. He paid for the necessary mitigation and then sold the house. He had never moved into it. It was a few years later that he bought another house. Last I heard he was happy there.
At least your friend had a home free of asbestos.
I don't even know if my thought problem is autism.
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