would you let your autistic son die a virgin?

Page 1 of 3 [ 35 posts ]  Go to page 1, 2, 3  Next

a lad
Emu Egg
Emu Egg

Joined: 27 Oct 2024
Age: 24
Gender: Male
Posts: 3
Location: US

10 Nov 2024, 6:18 pm

without ever having experienced love? thats the direction im going in right now. online dating never worked out and i cant find anyone to help or care. this is something ive always wanted but could never get growing up and still have very little hope.



123autism
Raven
Raven

Joined: 13 Oct 2024
Age: 58
Gender: Male
Posts: 105

10 Nov 2024, 6:39 pm

Sounds like a pitiful post.
You have to learn to be comfortable in your skin first.
When you love yourself you will attract people who are like you.
Desperate energy repels. Confident energy attracts.
All the answers lie inside you.



Gentleman Argentum
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 24 Aug 2019
Age: 54
Gender: Male
Posts: 876
Location: State of Euphoria

10 Nov 2024, 6:51 pm

I see a lot of posts on Reddit and here from young guys worried about their virginity. It has been a long time since I worried about that. I am trying to remember back when I worried about being a virgin and how I dealt with it.

Virginity was originally meant as a term for unmarried females, and referred to a specific physical state.

In old times, there was not much interest or importance placed on whether males had had sex before or not.

You do not have to tell anyone you are a virgin, and if someone asks you can tell them you would rather not talk about it.

The question you pose in your subject implies that parents are somehow responsible for whether you get any, but they are not.

As for me, I will not go into my experiences because I am not sure whether this is the adult issues forum or not.


_________________
My magical motto is Animus facit nobilem. I like to read fantasy and weird fiction. Just a few of my favorite online things: music, chess, and dungeon crawl stone soup.


Fnord
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 6 May 2008
Age: 67
Gender: Male
Posts: 60,867
Location: Stendec

10 Nov 2024, 8:59 pm

a lad wrote:
Would you let your autistic son die a virgin . . . without ever having experienced love?

Virginity (sex) and love are two different things.  You can have love without sex and remain a virgin; and you can have sex, lose your virginity, and still never have love.

My sons' lives are their own.  Whether or not they have sex is up to them and their partners.  Same for love.



ToughDiamond
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 15 Sep 2008
Age: 72
Gender: Male
Posts: 12,046

10 Nov 2024, 11:04 pm

I don't think there'd be anything much I could do about it one way or the other. Couldn't arrange a marriage for him. It would be up to women whether or not they wanted him.

My son did tell me when he was approaching 30 years of age that he was worried about never having had a girlfriend. The only thing I could do was to advise him to do things that would bring him into contact with possibly eligible women. Don't know if that helped or not, but within a year or two he'd got a girlfriend and they're still together.

Personally I wouldn't pursue sex for its own sake if I were you. I'd just pursue honest friendship with women. If you grow close enough, everything else will probably follow. It's important to resist the temptation to act desperate, even if you feel desperate. Acting desperate means doing stupid things and that doesn't usually end well.

Just my opinions of course.



Carbonhalo
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 26 Nov 2007
Age: 62
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,140
Location: Musoria

11 Nov 2024, 12:29 am

If I had an autistic son who was seriously stressing about being a virgin, with little hope of a romantic relationship, I would consider taking him to a brothel.
Desperation is a romance killer and, just maybe, sex would change his presentation enough to matter.
Not that I'd be funding repeat visits.



123autism
Raven
Raven

Joined: 13 Oct 2024
Age: 58
Gender: Male
Posts: 105

11 Nov 2024, 2:42 am

I'll add to this.
If I had a son one day, I would do my best to support him in all ways.
I would tell him that intercourse is a serious subject and
that he was responsible for anything that became of it.
Meaning he was fully responsible for any pregnancy if he caused it
and was fully responsible for any health complications which could come
from intercourse.

Not to put fear in anyone but these are realities. Intercourse
an intimate experience that is unique and should be exclusive to someone you have a
strong relationship with.

If you engage in causal intercourse, that is your prerogative. It's understandable that
societal pressures on young men can have many feeling depressed and low on self esteem
when they lack intimate experience.

Yet it is on these young men to navigate the world of relationships and women and determine
this course for themselves. It's trial and error.

TLDR it's not your father's responsibility how you navigate this.



MatchboxVagabond
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 26 Mar 2023
Age: 44
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,769

11 Nov 2024, 1:23 pm

TBH, people make far too much of virginity. I know some people do go to brothels to lose their virginity, but doing so really only addresses one issue that most people cease to even care about once they do have sex.

Having sex doesn't really do much at all about human connections and the possibility of dying alone, it doesn't guarantee that anybody is really going to connect with your or that anything other than not being a virgin has changed. People rarely ask about whether or not their friends are virgins, so I'm not even sure how anybody would know if you don't tell them and pretty much the only times when people have any sort of right to know are at the doctor's office or with a significant other that's possibly going to have sex with you. In basically every other case, you can just decline to answer, assuming anybody even asks in the first place.



SailorsGuy12
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker

User avatar

Joined: 24 Mar 2024
Age: 33
Gender: Male
Posts: 67

11 Nov 2024, 4:49 pm

I feel like right now I'm heading in the same footsteps if my personal trajectory continues. I'm 32, I don't have a job anymore but returned to school for CNC programming, had one GF from 2015-16 but never did anything below the waists. Affectionate touching though and kiss/hugs, but no sort of sexual activity. I talked to my dad a couple of times that I'm sexually frustrated and broached the possibility of going to where legal prostitution is and "buy" one for now, he understood but ultimately disapproved of that idea. I threw it out to mom a couple of times that I wanted a GF and was looking, even asking them to potentially help. But they have their own other priorities, and the most I'm getting from them is "suck it up and take it one day at a time" not their actual words.

I have tried free online dating apps on and off over the many years and out of them all, I get crickets 99.99% of the time.


_________________
Current college student looking for a new job.

"Capitalism" or free-market != oppression


Elgee
Velociraptor
Velociraptor

Joined: 20 Dec 2021
Gender: Female
Posts: 417
Location: Med West

11 Nov 2024, 5:01 pm

For what it's worth, I'm a middle-age female (clinical dx of autism almost three years ago), and I'm a virgin. Yes, that's right: I am a virgin. And it's going to stay that way till God calls me home.

I've NEVER, EVER wanted sex, and could never understand how teen girls could be sexually active.

I find the act revolting and repulsive. I have never had a libido.

For the record, I've never been sexually assaulted or violated, nor have I ever witnessed this.

My situation is 100% innate. I think it's how my autism manifests (remember, it's a spectrum).

However, I'm straight, attracted to men only, and would love to snuggle up, cuddle and feel a man's strong muscular arms around me. But nothing in the private area. I have no desire to see "it," let alone touch "it," let alone have it go inside me.

Nobody ever taught me any of this. My parents have always had a good marriage. I hope you all believe me when I say this is 100% innate.

I will not get involved with a man if he wants sex. It's a deal breaker.

Not surprisingly, I've never been married, never had any true boyfriends. And NO, I'm not a repressed lesbian. I have NO attraction to females, and even if I did, I STILL would NOT want any activity "down there."

Right now I have a crush on a lower functioning man, whom I know with 100% certainty probably doesn't even know what sex is. The problem is that his communication is impaired to the extent that he can't initiate actions to pursue a "relationship," and his father probably thinks I'm way too old for him anyways. I'm screwed but must accept that these are the cards I've been dealt.



funeralxempire
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 27 Oct 2014
Age: 40
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 29,358
Location: Right over your left shoulder

11 Nov 2024, 5:32 pm

No, I'd ask him about his situation and remind him it sure sounds like he's been f****d.


_________________
I was ashamed of myself when I realised life was a costume party and I attended with my real face
"Many of us like to ask ourselves, What would I do if I was alive during slavery? Or the Jim Crow South? Or apartheid? What would I do if my country was committing genocide?' The answer is, you're doing it. Right now." —Former U.S. Airman (Air Force) Aaron Bushnell


Mikurotoro92
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 30 Aug 2022
Age: 31
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,081
Location: Mushroom Kingdom or Bikini Bottom

11 Nov 2024, 8:03 pm

It would be 100% at his discretion if he wants to stay a virgin indefinitely or not!! !

I have personally done a good job at preserving my virginity up until my fiance David took it away...and honestly even though it IS a big deal & major life milestone to have penetrative sex for the first time (losing your virginity) I still feel like the same person I have always been!

Nothing other than my sex life has truly changed

Marriage or a job on the other hand...



MuddRM
Velociraptor
Velociraptor

Joined: 2 Sep 2021
Gender: Male
Posts: 459
Location: Beautiful(?) West Manchester Township, PA

12 Nov 2024, 1:30 am

Yes, I never had sex. I’m closing in on the end of life at 67, especially with my health issues(I’m overweight, diabetic, suffer from stage 3a chronic kidney disease, hypertension, sleep apnea, congestive heart failure, ptsd, and, of course, level 1 autism. When I was12 or 13, I was in the local Boy Scout troop, and went on a hayride. During that ride, some of older boys brought their dates. During the drive, some of the girls decided to stick their hands in my pants. When I said something to my parents, I was severely punished for allowing that to happen. As I got older, dating was even more traumatic, since, even though I wanted to be left alone,I was always being attacked by 3 different gangs of sisters, either physically or sexually. What’s worse, I was the scapegoat to my father, who was narcissistic. I finally said enough was too much, and stayed locked in my room. I never got over that fear, to this day.

So yes, I’ll die a virgin. Everything that happened to me, according to my parents, is my fault.



Canadian Freedom Lover
Toucan
Toucan

Joined: 16 Dec 2022
Age: 28
Gender: Male
Posts: 291
Location: Vancouver Canada

14 Nov 2024, 1:22 am

ToughDiamond wrote:
I don't think there'd be anything much I could do about it one way or the other. Couldn't arrange a marriage for him. It would be up to women whether or not they wanted him.

My son did tell me when he was approaching 30 years of age that he was worried about never having had a girlfriend. The only thing I could do was to advise him to do things that would bring him into contact with possibly eligible women. Don't know if that helped or not, but within a year or two he'd got a girlfriend and they're still together.

Personally I wouldn't pursue sex for its own sake if I were you. I'd just pursue honest friendship with women. If you grow close enough, everything else will probably follow. It's important to resist the temptation to act desperate, even if you feel desperate. Acting desperate means doing stupid things and that doesn't usually end well.

Just my opinions of course.


From my experience with women, I can tell you that friendship almost never leads to a romantic relationship or sexual interaction. It is called the friend zone for a reason, you know, and I would avoid it like the plague.



MatchboxVagabond
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 26 Mar 2023
Age: 44
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,769

14 Nov 2024, 1:36 am

Canadian Freedom Lover wrote:
ToughDiamond wrote:
I don't think there'd be anything much I could do about it one way or the other. Couldn't arrange a marriage for him. It would be up to women whether or not they wanted him.

My son did tell me when he was approaching 30 years of age that he was worried about never having had a girlfriend. The only thing I could do was to advise him to do things that would bring him into contact with possibly eligible women. Don't know if that helped or not, but within a year or two he'd got a girlfriend and they're still together.

Personally I wouldn't pursue sex for its own sake if I were you. I'd just pursue honest friendship with women. If you grow close enough, everything else will probably follow. It's important to resist the temptation to act desperate, even if you feel desperate. Acting desperate means doing stupid things and that doesn't usually end well.

Just my opinions of course.


From my experience with women, I can tell you that friendship almost never leads to a romantic relationship or sexual interaction. It is called the friend zone for a reason, you know, and I would avoid it like the plague.

Yes, and even NT men usually can't break through that. I wouldn't personally recommend being friends with women unless either seeing somebody already or them being willing to help find dates.. Too many women will waste guys time or outright block.



CockneyRebel
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 17 Jul 2004
Age: 50
Gender: Male
Posts: 116,973
Location: In my little Olympic World of peace and love

14 Nov 2024, 11:09 pm

If he's not interested in sex, I would.


_________________
The Family Enigma