Having eye contact

Post Reply New Topic

^
It's metaphorical. A more objective version would be about unconscious detection of pupil dilation by which we're said to be able to observe their feelings about what's in their minds. Here's a very detailed study of one aspect of eye contact:

https://royalsocietypublishing.org/doi/ ... sos.160086

And here's a much easier read about why autistic individuals tend to avoid eye contact:

https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2 ... 213252.htm

Seems to be a matter of overstimulation. I don't disbelieve it, but in my own case I'm not aware of any particular dislike of eye contact as such, though I often forget to bother with it - it's not something I instinctively do. I'm a tad wary of its sexual connotations - most encounters with other people aren't supposed to be sexual, so isn't it going to cause misunderstandings and inappropriate attraction? These days I try to at least glance at people's eyes occasionally while we're in dialogue. Any more than that and it distracts me from focussing on what we're saying.

I'm also quick to spot things I don't like about people's faces, especially when the people are new to me, which may get in the way of the purpose of the encounter. Sometimes I seem to sense that it's contrived and that it's something they've decided to do to make themselves popular, like pretending to take an interest in stuff that they're not interested in, fake people-pleasing for social advancement. But maybe all that is just rationalisation. Still, my first serious girlfriend used to be into eye contact so we used to stare into each other's eyes sometimes, and it just felt like a bit of fun - I wasn't aware of any feelings of revulsion about that.

I once read that kids sometimes play this game where they try to stare each other down - like a game of chicken where the one who looks away first loses the contest. It's supposed to be to do with the idea that eye contact can be a "threat stare," and that animals do that to find out who is the dominant one (I think I could do very well in that game, not because I'm especially dominant but because eye contact doesn't scare me). I've heard that bosses may do that to their employees and that if you don't avert your gaze before they do, you can make them feel seriously threatened. There's a cultural thing going on too. I once thought it would be good to look into the face of my boss when I was explaining why I'd done something or other that she was a bit suspicious about. I'd picked up this idea that not looking people in the eye made them think you dishonest and furtive. But my eye contact seemed to anger her a bit, and she turned a bit nasty, which surprised me. Years later I read that Malaysians tend to think of eye contact as rather rude. She was Malaysian.

So I never quite know what to do about eye contact. The science of it is rather complicated and it seems that it's possible to get into problems if I try to interfere with whatever comes natural to me, so beyond a minor tweak here and there, I prefer to let things be, until I understand these things better, and that day might never come.

May as well contribute to this thread, in that I don't like when I learn that an autistic person, whom I've been interacting with, says they've been looking at my mouth. This has happened several times now, and the primary reason they give is that they have auditory processing disorder or have difficulty hearing all the words, so even though they can't literally read lips like a deaf person can, they say that watching my mouth helps them "hear" everything. I'm autistic and let me tell you, I will NEVER watch a person's mouth when interacting.

The reason it bothers me when they watch my mouth is because --- I hate to say this --- I don't think I have an attractive mouth. In fact, mouths can be quite gross. So many yucky things could go on there. I once knew a man whose lips kept collecting gooey stringy things as a side effect of Haldol. Somehow I was noticing this even though I give eye contact.

I've seen strings of saliva on mouths. I've seen disgusting teeth, dark gums, crumbs on lips.

It only takes a glance there to see these things. Oddly, when I watch TV, I almost always watch the mouth and nose of whomever is speaking, be it a news person, someone being interviewed, or in a TV show. I'm drawn to the nose and mouth. Isn't that weird? However, news people and actors tend to have nice-looking mouths. But even if it's a "regular" person being interviewed, I'm still prone to watching their mouth, even though I hear just fine.

Tricky, as one Pope determined that they have no weight.

Which begs the question of how he managed to determine that? Seems like an asspull.

Fallible man makes baseless claim, more at 11.

This might explain some of my interactions with people who felt they had authority.

As I aged became better at eye contact ....but never for long .But when I do , its the micro expressions around the eyes, I look for ...and if they match the mouth expression.?....if not beware , is my rule. Otherwise ,I just watch their foreheads .

The pope in question had a guy nailed into a barrel, whichwas then weighed to as great an aquracy as was possible backthen, an then a gain after he died

No doubt he was careful to perform the experiment in a vacuum in case the soul turned out to be no denser than air. OTOH, he probably wasn't smart enough to invent the gadgets (super-accurate balance and big vacuum chamber) required to make his experiment valid.

Though frankly I suspect the tale is an urban myth. Still, if it's true that he figured the soul had zero weight, that doesn't rule out the soul's existence. It could be made of pure energy. Completely undetectable energy of course. Or some weird divine substance that has neither weight nor energy. This is a job for Occam and his razor.

So his hypothesis requires us to assume there's a soul, despite a lack of positive evidence.

An easier explanation is that there is no soul, therefore no change in weight should be expected. His findings (as you describe them) are perfectly aligned with this hypothesis.

I tend to not notice people's eyes & I don't pay attention to their faces. I also sometimes talk to people without looking at them. I don't have an aversion to eye contact but I don't really think about making it.