Social vs Nonsocial Aspies

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I am no longer a social Aspie. I rarely go out to eat with family, attend church or go to public events. In my 40s I believe I would be a lot more relaxed about Asperger's and dwell more on the giftings I have if I was more social.

So here is my question....

Do you believe as a social Aspie you are more accepting of yourself and if you arn't a social Aspie do you wish you were*also believing you would be more accepting of Aspieness if you had friends and enjoyed going to events ect*

I think if I was more social I would be more accepting or less accepting of myself depending on the outcome of the social situations. If I tried to be social but continued to make a fool of myself then I would probably just give up, but if I was able to make friends then I might be happier just being me.
Yes, I do wish that I was more social but at the same time, those situations stress me out. It's a lose/lose situation because either way I will be unhappy with what I'm doing. Maybe if I wasn't depressed this would be different.

I think that if I was more socially inclined I'd be less accepting of myself, because I would have had more experiences of social failures. Being very introverted is a good thing for me.

I met a social Aspie once. He was very friendly and outgoing but still had the terrible cluelessness about normal social behavior. It was extremely embarrassing for me to be in his company while he went up to random strangers and acted like he'd known them for years. Because, of course, I am the opposite and would pretty much rather drown than call out to someone for help

I am a social Aspie and accepting of myself. I go through periods where I am not as social but it doesn't bother me. I have had a lot of social failures but it really doesn't bother me. I tend to be good at finding people who are like me these days and therefore I have fun when I am out.

Pook---I think this is a wonderful thread. I want to comment, but first:

Brittany2907---Yes---the outcome of social interaction would definitely make a huge difference here I think. I am introverted (perhaps because of my social awkwardness throughout life), but when I do get into social situations---ohhh---do they ever wear me out.

Who_Am_I---I agree totally with your thoughts here. Being introverted is good for me too since I don't go for social things. And, if I were more socially inclined by nature, I believe I would be less accepting of myself because of my social awkwardness.

So now for my comment. I think being introverted or extroverted might play a big part in our Aspie lives. I am introverted and I am generally happy---being extremely content with my special intense interests and my immediate family. I won't often fail at social things because I don't often socialize---so who is there to fail with? You know how many friends I have in the true sense of friendship? None. I used to in school---I had a close best friend. But we parted our ways when I failed to follow him into his new friendship circles. I was just too awkward moving into the more typical school type crowd that he went into. I was at home with the computer geeks and band geeks. I don't like the word "geek," but I used it anyway. I was a geek. I am still a geek at 44 years old. So what? I am happy. And that's what is important. I have been married for nearly 20 years and two sons. I guess I socialized ok there didn't I .

But if I were extroverted I think I might see things differently as I would be seeking friendships and the social scene---and failing at that would be challenging indeed. So I have to sympathesize for those Aspies who do seek friendships and find them difficult to maintain. I do remember trying to get into a golf circle in college---and well---it wasn't long before those guys weren't calling me to play golf with them anymore. I just didn't fit in. But, being introverted, it didn't bother me too badly. But, at the same time, I don't think any of us likes rejection.

It is interesting that one of the marked traits of autism can be those special intense interests that many of us seem to have. My life is all about special intense interests. They are my friends. I grew up with them, and they have remained with me. Without them, I would be lonely.

I am a fairly social person, but only within my comfort zone. I'm not afraid to make a fool of myself at all. I sometimes seem to but am usually forgiven for it.

Glider18 took care of my responses to others on this interesting thread, so I'll just add my own experiences.

I'm not social by any standard. I happily go days without even seeing people, and sometimes a week or more without talking to anyone. I'm an very introverted, and can easily become peopled out even when spending time with a friend. I'm sufficiently clueless socially that I'm not even aware of when I'm making a fool of myself or making a social faux pas, until someone tells me, that is.

I agree that success in social interactions results in greater comfort, but only up to a certain point. As an introverted Aspie, even success would not motivate me to socialize much. I also find that when socializing, I am reminding in a variety of ways of my differences, and in some cases people readily point them out in a way that they probably think is helpful, but is not for me.

Also, sensory issues play a role for me. I know many Aspies do not have sensory issues, but I do. So if the social situation includes bright light, loud noise, or other problematic sensations, then the quality of the experience deteriorates rapidly.

I am extroverted and social, but some problems I have been having- with sensitive hearing, and some other problems, have forced me into an unwanted hermitude. I have often wished I was either an NT or an introverted aspie with intense interests.. its just hard being like this.

i am not a very social aspie but im mot like a hermit either. i try to hide my aspieness when i am being social. I still feel weird when talking to ppl but Ive gotten good at a casual conversation one on one. (just me and one other person). i am accepting of myself mostly i guess. exept when it comes to groups of ppl especially 4 or more i start to get really nervous. and i basically shut down in crowds. although i did have a good day today while at a street festival. it was very hot very loud and there were ppl all around me. i diddnt even really get nervous when someone came up behind me and started talking to me. i could only handle 2 hours of it though before the stress got to me and then it all fell to sh**. i was rocking and diddnt even notice it until a kid asked me why i was doing that. wow i just realised im a bit off topic

With the social thing.....been there done that...didnt end too well....High school was worst and so was working at that rat hole fast food place in gasoline alley in Red Deer.I like the store I work at now...I get my space.I also had bad luck in regards to someone in Red Deer I thought would be a good friend.He thought of me as a creep a while after..I got a nasty email from one of his other friends.After that, I didnt even bother trying to make new friends.I basically hide in my little corner and keep to myself, go on Wrong Planet and Free Dominion and just try to have minimal existance in this world.Cant wait to finish college.I plan to get work in my trained field, buy a house and work and live in Red Deer, and keep my store job working evenings.I dont have a social life so I may as well spend it on my special interests and working.

Last edited by Tory_canuck on 10 Aug 2009, 3:39 am, edited 1 time in total.

I'm more social than I was in the past. The reason I was less social in the past was because I had less confidence and self esteem. My lack of self worth, in turn, made me too nervous and shy to know how to socialize well with others.

I have completly lost faith in most of humanity.

yeah... me too...

as for being social.. I have a small social group also Im intoverted

Lol, yeah the same with me, I would also rather drown than calling a stranger for help!
I also met a very social aspie once. As a nonsocial aspie I felt somehow betrayed as she to me appeared as any regular NT
She was collecting friends as another is killing flies and had parties and invited random people to her home
Certainly not my kind of company....

Im satisfied with beeing nonsocial. I know I would only dislike my life I was forced into social situations too often...



oh yeah, thats one big reason to stay nonsocial, I dont have the energy to bother anymore and besides Im happy anyway...

I am social because I like to be around people and I like crouds. But I am introverted because I prefer to socialise with only a small number of people at a time and I am shy and quiet. So I am a bit of both.