I didn't know there was timing to "How are you?"

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Anyway in a chat, someone said hi to me. Nobody else is talking. I jump the gun and state that I was looking for my phone. Then I realized my mistake and asked "how are you?"

Well the other person didn't say a thing for a long time, then was like "who are you talking to?"

Anyway I apologized for the faux pas, and the person just went silent....



What are the rules for "How are you?", I do know that people usually say it right after "HI"

Did you know this person, or it was just a random stranger?

If it was a stranger, I wouldn't worry about it.

You should always greet a person first before any other comments. That way the person knows who you are talking to. When the person said, "HI!" You could have said, "Hi. How are you" Then wait for their response. They would probably say something like, "I'm fine. How are you?" At that point you could have said, "I'm OK. Right now I'm looking for my phone." This would have eliminated the confusion.

Just remember to greet the person first. Have a great day!

Ahem, that "have a great day!" should be moved to the beginning of the first paragraph.

"Have a great day." is not a greeting. It is a closing. This is something you say to a person to signal that the conversation is over.

Really? Well damn.

Oh my goodness. Where were the speech and language therapists in your schools? I work with groups of students every week in social groups and help them learn how to interact with people. It makes me so sad that all people don't have this available to them. I also advocate for my students to their teacher and educate the teachers about ASD. Someday I hope all kids with autism will be able to have this type of help early on.

my mom taught me really good manners, but i had to retrain myself because i made the mistake of asking people, "hi, how are you doing" every single time i saw them in a day. which is fine if you see them twice. not fine if you walk by their desk 10 times a day.

i am not good at hints, but when i noticed people answering, "still fine!" and laughing, i eventually figured it out.

I've never had any therapy. I was dxed late in school and then quit school. I think that's similar to most people here, not being dxed until late. I'm a bit perplexed that getting confused over if that was a greeting or not is "oh my goodness" worthy though, it's not really that important.

Oh how funny. I have students that do the same thing and we are working on it. There are just SO many subtle aspects of social communication. Everyone make mistakes. Even all of us weird neuro-typicals. That's OK. We can't hold a candle to you all intellectually. We're the dumb-asses.

Sorry. The "Oh my goodness" wasn't aimed at you. Just amazed that there is still such a lack of autism awareness in schools and society. We still have a long way to go.

No. Just because you're an NT doesn't make you any kind of dumb-ass. For the record, AS people are no smarter on average than NTs; and you shouldn't look down on yourself or assume you're dumb because you've met some Aspies who are better at something than you are. What we are isn't smarter; it's more specialized. That's all. You meet an Aspie in their area of specialty, and you'll think he's a genius. Meet him in an area of weakness, and you'll wonder how such a "smart" person could be so incompetent. There are gifted Aspies, but there are gifted NTs too (well, NT except for the giftedness)--so really, don't assume AS=smart, because it doesn't.

I was introduced to a friend of a friend last year that said hi every time she saw me(one day it was three times in 10 minutes, a friend of mine was unusual to the whole greeting thing and counted them), but whenever I tried to keep the conversation further with her she went silent.

I asked my friend in common about it and she started saying hi once/twice a day(ot wasnt that annoying but she expected me to answer every time and I dont usually like saying things multiple times to the same person).

RULES IN A CHATROOM?! !



I won't even mess with chats anymore, because there never seems to be any social protocols in most of them, except for some of the old IRC channels.

it's interesting in your story that there are 3 people who all dealt with greetings differently!

sometimes i feel like whever i figure out how i'm supposed to react or act or converse or interact, the rules change. i think i get it straight, and then it turns out there is another subtlety i was not aware of.

I am 46 and still have loads of trouble with the "How are you?" thing - even today, someone I know asked me, and I answered (a little too quickly) with "How are YOU?", which confused him a bit, but he did answer that he was well and enjoying the weather. I couldn't work out where to fit in my answer to his question, which was the start of the conversation, because I know that you aren't supposed to actually say how you are - sometimes I manage "Fine thanks and YOU?", but obviously got it wrong today.

Big question: does social skills training like this actually work? For adults (like me) as well as kids?