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gav126
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23 Apr 2011, 3:56 pm

I have this friend that just brought himself into my life, and I had never asked him to be. Please know that I am not trying to be rude, but he is annoyance to me, and I just want to be left alone. What should I do in order to get peace back into my life. I am just happy with the three friends I have now.



Fnord
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23 Apr 2011, 3:57 pm

Tell him.



Surfman
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23 Apr 2011, 4:00 pm

Dont waste your time being nice, if he pushed his way in.

However, if he was wanted and your response's indicated this, I would let him down nicely



gav126
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23 Apr 2011, 4:06 pm

Oh, and I cant tell him, because my parents would get mad at me because they know who he is. I also don't know what to tell him, I don't like talking to people unless they talk to me first.



purchase
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23 Apr 2011, 4:16 pm

Probably should be straightforward and make it clear that "it's not him, it's me [you]." You have three friends and don't want any more. There's nothing he could do, no amount of nice and fun that he could be, to successfully be your friend. He may be lonely and in need of friends so I'd try to be sympathetic to that and suggest that there are a lot of other people out there that he'll have a much easier time making friends with because they're not closed off to new friendships like you are at the moment. Probably would also be a good thing to, if he doesn't already know, mention you have Asperger's and explain this makes maintaining friendships more effort-intensive for you than the average person. As long as you don't make him feel he's done anything wrong, I think it'll be the best.



jmnixon95
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23 Apr 2011, 4:19 pm

Should this be moved to the Social Skills/Making Friends subforum?



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23 Apr 2011, 4:26 pm

jmnixon95 wrote:
Should this be moved to the Social Skills/Making Friends subforum?


Maybe it should be moved to the Un-making friends subforum :lol: Sorry.

gav126 - this is a good question. I've dealt with this same issue really badly in the past. But I've just found a couple of web-pages that give great advice:
How to end a frienship (I like step 5)
Also might be useful

Good luck - I hope it works out well for both of you.



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23 Apr 2011, 5:39 pm

Can you give us a little background about the friend? Where do you know him from? Does he live nearby or go to the same school?



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23 Apr 2011, 6:00 pm

gav126 wrote:
I have this friend that just brought himself into my life, and I had never asked him to be. Please know that I am not trying to be rude, but he is annoyance to me, and I just want to be left alone. What should I do in order to get peace back into my life. I am just happy with the three friends I have now.


Tell him/her straightforwardly that his/her company is unwanted. You can do it calmly and without rancor. You have a right not to have someone's unwanted attention thrust upon you.

ruveyn



gav126
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23 Apr 2011, 6:51 pm

Lene wrote:
Can you give us a little background about the friend? Where do you know him from? Does he live nearby or go to the same school?


Yes, he goes to my school, and lives near me as well... ugh. He knocks on my door atleast 17 times a day.



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23 Apr 2011, 7:03 pm

It's a tricky situation and I know how you feel. I had someone latch on to me a few years ago and it was OK for awhile since we lived a couple hours apart, but I eventually reached the point where I just wanted to be done with him ASAP. So at first I told him, ahem, that I had started to think of him as a boyfriend and wanted to take our relationship further. I thought it was the nice thing to do since I knew he was totally straight and would likely be scared off. But it didn't work and I finally had to tell him to just leave me alone.



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23 Apr 2011, 8:01 pm

Either tell him you don't want to hang around him or generally avoid him as much as possible. I know a guy that I don't like either so I tend to avoid him as much as possible. I also avoid being alone with him as much as possible.


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Lene
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24 Apr 2011, 7:42 am

gav126 wrote:
Lene wrote:
Can you give us a little background about the friend? Where do you know him from? Does he live nearby or go to the same school?


Yes, he goes to my school, and lives near me as well... ugh. He knocks on my door atleast 17 times a day.


Woah 8O Look, forget about your parent's approval in this case; if they think 17 times a day is normal, they need their heads examined (no offence to them). Tell him to go away and leave you alone. Nicely at first, but if you have to shout and swear so be it.

If your parents bug you about it, say it was interfering with your study or you had a project that needed doing (I can't imagine it isn't)



mirela
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24 Apr 2011, 7:54 am

purchase wrote:
Probably should be straightforward and make it clear that "it's not him, it's me [you]."

It's the first time this expression makes perfect sense to me, in any other situation I saw it as a huge BS. I totally agree with purchase's advice (his whole post), that's what I would do if I were you. The key in this situation, though, is to be calm when you're talking to him and avoid any reproach towards him. And try to be firm, it's clear he's "quite" pushy (17 times a day?! Oh lord!).

Good luck and tell us how it ended:)


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24 Apr 2011, 1:32 pm

Ah! The advice to be straight forward and tell him is not what would be considered socially adept. Simply be unavailable, don't take calls, if he shows up, try and get rid of him in a polite way, That is the way NTs deal with things like that.
I have been nice, and to the point in getting rid of a "new best friend" that seems to latch on way too quickly many times, and sadly in my experience the people who do that have their own agenda and see others as someone of use to them (underhanded, manipulative people), and being open about wanting them to leave you alone can sometimes create a backlash, so go that route if you choose, but be prepared.



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24 Apr 2011, 2:11 pm

I had an unwanted friend for a while. The one who phoned the ambulance on me and ran over the back of my leg, with a shopping cart three weeks later. She finally wrote everybody off last May. She tried to get back into my circle of friends for a month this year, but than she gave up and that's a good thing.


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