The rules keep changing!

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I asked for advice about a profile I have on another site as I struggle to make friends so thought I would try to get information to see if I was doing something wrong. I am trying to work out why people rarely speak to me.

I did get some comments on my profile but they have left me confused really.

In this response the person says to elaborate on my interests and show my passion for them and yet I only toned them down in the first place because people accused me of being obsessed with my interests and it was irritating them.

So which one is it? Which one am I supposed to do?

It is like when I was a child and I got told off for not responding when people spoke to me. As I grew up I took to trying to respond to everything everyone said in case I was supposed to...but that was wrong as well.

Then there was the look at people, no don't stare thing.

Then there was the talk to people, no don't butt in thing

Then there is the be honest vs the don't tell people about your flaws thing

Then there is the tell people about yourself so they can get to know you but don't talk about your personal life thing...
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FOR CRYING OUT LOUD WILL PEOPLE PLEASE MAKE UP THEIR MIND AS TO WHAT IS THE RIGHT THING TO DO?

Can we not get set rules for socialising like we do when we go and see a dr or something...it would make life so much easier!

Redacted

I also would like a set of rules on socializing, if not for socializing then for determining human psychology and theories on the hows and whys of behavior. It would've made school easier, too.

Ah... Perhaps you guys can help me too...

I have been working with Michelle Winner these past months and have created a one page powerpoint that I think is a "silver bullet" for MANY social situations. See the bottom of this page and let me know if it works for you on any level and if not, why.

http://asdculture.wikispaces.com/Social+Skills

Thanks,

To Dots: Yes, I'm frustrated too, that's why I'm chronically stressed. I remember screaming that "I'm damned if I do (talk) and damned if I don't!! !" during a meltdown.
To nat4200: Yes, NTs seem to imply that I can interact with them in any manner I prefer, but it is up to them to decide whether I have offended them or not. As for me, I sometimes have no f*****g clue what words/actions trigger my meltdowns, so I can't tell NTs what words/actions they should avoid when interacting with me. At most, I can only ask them to rely on trial and error.

Redacted

Take me to your leader <<<<< click

That video was cool but I had to watch it a couple of times to get all the words. The first time I was too distracted by the two women's blinking patterns, and that sometimes they blinked one eye before the other.

I have given up on rulezzzzzzz, as they interfere so very much with my normal social interactions. I used to pay attention to rulezzzzzzz, but I found that I could not socially interact at the same time that I paid attention to rulezzzzzzz. So I have given up on rulezzzzzzz, and I can now socially interact in my normal autistic child-like manner, and interactions are far less stressful now.

btbnnyr, can relate. When I did try and kept hearing the "No, you're not supposed to do that" "Stop staring" (when I was told I didn't give good eye contact) "You aren't social enough" (So when I did try apparently I did that wrong as I couldn't keep things to the point and gave long answers to questions asked about how my day was going) and so that ended up being even more frustrating. So just stopped caring.

Trying too hard to hold back stims, rocking, swaying, engaging in conversation, trying to filter out other sounds left me staring at people's lips which had either a good response or leaving people feeling creeped out all of this combined once my hands were out of my pocket made things even worse.

So for anyone who just can't accept how I stay engaged or get embarrassed can go find someone else to talk to because in the long run it will just lead to hurt feelings on both ends.

This doesn't mean give up and don't try. It just means it's better to be free. Even though being yourself can have penalties, you can also learn alot through these experiences.

If you rock and someone makes a crude comment, a good answer back would be, "I don't need a rocking chair to get the same soothing effect others do with a rocking chair."

I have come up with some come backs after several social situations struck where what the person had said did not register until later. Then I thought, if only I had said this!

99% of things aren't black and white is why.

If someone thinks they can set rules for you, they'll do that and you'll never get it right. It's a power game. If you're asking "What are the rules?" then you've already lost. Make your own rules. I agree with TheygoMew.