After a meltdown...

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I just had a pretty big meltdown for the first time in a year or so since I went on short term disability and quit my job. Before that it'd been years since I had one, though I had them all the time growing up, and had mini-meltdowns frequently while working...

Anyways, I now feel extremely calm, desperate to be hugged, and hysterical (laughing for no reason and then crying for no reason). Anyone else feel this way after a meltdown? I don't remember if I did in the past or not, but it seems to me like I did.

I usually feel better after a meltdown, sort of 'cleansed' as if I've got it all out my system. It's almost as if the thing that got me so angry never happened and I feel a bit guilty for reacting in such a strong manner but at the time there seemed no other way of reacting.

That is exactly what I mean! Thank you for putting it so well. I'm much calmer now than I've been in a while. I'm sure it will all stack up again, but for now it seems so... good!

A weighted blanket would be a good thing to have

Yes, I definitely feel much better after a meltdown. I can have anxiety for hours or even days and then when the meltdown reaches a peak of pain and fear, it's suddenly like everything is ok. As if I no longer care about all the things I cared so much about just 5 minutes earlier.

Before I figured out I'm on the spectrum, I thought I had PTSD and they were panic attacks. I'm guessing a panic attack and a meltdown is probably the same thing physiologically, even though they have different apparent causes. At least, the way I experience them, they are the same. In that case, the description of a panic attack states that when it reaches the final peak (sometimes there can be more than one peak, especially in "limited symptom attacks"), afterwards all is well. Wikipedia has a good description of it.

Although some people describe meltdowns as anger. So I wonder about that. :)

Sometimes a meltdown is needed to just get everything out.
Like the OP, i have had times where i started laughing/crying almost the same time/intermittent its messed up sounding. It's like i really lose it.
Usually after a meltdown i am tired out or exhausted from getting it out. The calming feeling after the storm, maybe it's just the release of all that pent up energy?

For me it's almost alway intermittent. And the effects of a "true" "big" meltdown tend to last for days. I notice that a lot of my stims get worse, my socialability goes down, and just in general there's a "change". Despite those effects though, I do feel rather calm through it... when I can stop tapping my fingers or whatever stim my body desires.

I usually just feel pretty tired, embarrassed and drained.

Me too

Confirmed. Embarrassed only in retrospect, not directly afterwards.

I just had a meltdown too. Hugs you.

It is embarrassing afterwards but I also feel cleansed. Do you ever feel like people are laughing at you while you cry? I thought I was under a psychic attack. It's like voices and hallucinations scream. I think it might be PTSD but of an internal kind. Same sort of thing with triggers starting it.

What started the downward spiral for you? Do you notice body changes? I get spasms in my chest. Breathing helps to calm that but they still come like jerks in my chest. It feels like a heart attack in a way but more like hiccups in the heart that pound hard and feels like a sort of death is happening to my personality. I come out changed each time, like coming back from a war and what is shameful is that on the outside there is nothing to validate the inner experience so you are left feeling more isolated.

http://www.biologyofkundalini.com/

I also have been working on changing myself for a while so maybe this comes with the territory. Kundalini is the energy or life force in our body that can alter moods, thoughts, etc., I've been doing this for years too so I think it could be an awakening but then again I could be deluding myself with magical thinking, or it is also possible that there is a psychic attack occurring.

Yesterday i had a vision i was going to hell as a test. I accepted the challenge. Today it felt like i was in hell. This whole month has been very difficult though. I'm not sure what is real and not real but it only pertains to this one person who either really is in love with me or just trolling me. Maybe he was assigned to me or maybe I am paranoid. I go around in circles and now i just want to get off the merry go round so I think i pushed him away for good this time but if not then i'm really screwed because i embarrassed myself again by melting down and writing to him. I get hypergraphia or something and write alot when i'm having a meltdown. One time i scribbled all over the walls. lol

Ahh, the more i talk about this the more I realize how crazy it is and how i shouldn't care to bother with these ideas.

Meltdowns suck! Hope you feel better soon.

You're probably tired out. I think you should get some rest, do some calm things if you can't sleep. You'll feel better after a night's sleep; I always do.

This is what I am like afterward

Reading your post it got me to thinking back, and wondering if I have body changes. when I start, I start making these little moaning noises that sound complain-ish. I groan a great deal too, rub my face, my eyes, start looking around restlessly (i think this is to find something stable to focus on). Then if it gets worse I get angry, and sad all at once, I THINK.

Next thing I know I am yelling for something stupid, wanting to run out or crying. Crying happens more often to me than anything when they are obviously extroverted meltdowns.

I either feel guilty or exhausted.

same here