Not able to change

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And not a likeable person.

Is it ok to just be yourself, even if you are seen as an irritating person by the world (or odd, or weird, or strange, or crazy) as long as you try not to hurt anyone along the way.

For example? What are you doing that irritates people? I see nothing wrong with being odd, weird, strange, or a little bit crazy.

You should always be true to who you are. There will always be people who wont like you, that's life.

If people do like you or appreciate you for who you are, then you should see it as a bonus, but never take it for granted because people can be quite fickle.

I'm just speaking from my own personal experience, that's all.

I don't know, that is part of the problem. I have always had trouble with socialising but I always had one or two people who like me and thought my quirks were amusing. Only since moving to Norfolk and after having those fights on a certain website online I have made no social contacts at all, even on the internet.

It is really weird, weirder than I have ever known it be.

Well that is simple, you just need to find new friends, who like your quirks. You don't need to change anything.

From reading your posts, I think you need to stop caring what some people think about you. There are always people who are going to dislike you, think you're weird and so on... Just find your people. The people who are most like you.

They are eluding me.

Its difficult with people spreading gossip as people believe the gossip and avoid you, even if they might otherwise like you.

Would you ever speak to some of the people who think bad things about you, get them to realize they're untrue?

They are eluding me.

Its difficult with people spreading gossip as people believe the gossip and avoid you, even if they might otherwise like you. People don't tend to think for themselves, they tend to go along with the group and if a popular person in the group take a disliking to you you are damned, even if one or two of the other members might like you.

Social politics.

I live in a tiny village, people here gossip about me and my upsets (I don't have them in public but they hear me yelling I think) and basically avoid me.

Its difficult for me to get out a night due to no public transport so that is out.

I went out during the day, joined a gym etc...still nothing. 6 months and nothing.

It's not just people I that like me either, I need to like them and I can't connect with most people, I just don't feel like I can relate to them.

Then there is the internet. I simply dont have time for online only friends as I cant get anything done and type at teh same time and people wont boot up skype and cam on there (not for cyber sex, I do not like cyber sex) so i dont have to stay tied to my keyboard typing and they wonder why I never answer mails and speak...I don't want to spend all night stuck at my computer Id like to be able to get up and get food and have some hobby time and get some exercise and walk around or do the washing up or something other than just here all night typing typing typing. It's not the same as having company.

Plus I dont really want lots of friends, i cant have sex with friends. I want a lover/partner. And no I cant just go pick up men, I don't like casual sex with random strangers that is icky.

I have no desire for platonic friends that is the problem, I just want a life mate. That is more than enough socialising for me.

Before people make suggestions on how to meet people though I am not willing to follow them anymore simply because they never work and I am very tired of trying and getting no results.

The world has made it clear I am not welcome to socialise with it and men have made it clear that they like manipulative women who will mess them around rather than women like myself who would be loving and honest towards them whilst giving them their space. I think humans like the drama that jumping in and out of relationships creates. i don't like this drama.

I have spent too long trying and am out of energy. there really does come a point where you have to consider if you really are wasting your time. my energy would be better spent on something else that actually has a chance of success instead of burning myself out chasing that which I am never going to attain.

And Yes I tried positive thinking..it just does not work. Im sorry but its absolute rubbish. I wholeheartedly believed I;d one day find someone and get married and at nearly 40 this has still not happened. Nor does this if you like yourself others will like you thing work either...that is rubbish too. I like myself, it is others who do not like me. What I think of myself means nothing to them, except that they seem to want me to hate myself for some reason...which I find strange.

Last edited by bumble on 26 Jan 2014, 1:55 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I tried telling them they are not true, they don't listen. They just mock you.

I would be careful with that advice. I don't entirely agree with it because there are people out there who are not good people out there and should they still continue being that way because they are being true to themselves?

I suspect my ex boyfriend was given this advice growing up and he took it too literal so it made him a jerk and when he said he wouldn't change when we first meant, I thought he meant his opinions, what he wears, what he likes and dislikes, his taste in music, his interests. I didn't know he meant behavior wise so if something was bothering you, tough s**t so he continued teasing me and making jokes and didn't care if they were upsetting me and he was dependent on people and wanted to be taken care of than be responsible. Then he said I gave up on him when I broke up with him which contradicted how he acted. He didn't want to change so it made things bad between us and things didn't work out so I left.

Also there are pedophiles who think they should be accepted for their illness and think it should be acceptable to hurt children and they even have the NAMBLA thing.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/North_Amer ... ssociation

Also if someone liked using racial slurs, especially the word ret*d ad you told them it offended you but they refused to not say those words around you because they were being true to themselves so I would be careful when you give out this advice about being true to yourself. That is something I learned on this forum and someone pointed out to me my ex boyfriend may have taken it literal so he went too far with it and it alienated his relatives because none of them wanted him around according to him and after being with him for three months, I started to see why but he continued the way he acted and would complain about rejections and people judging him.

if someone gave me that advice as a kid, it would have just confused me because it would make no sense and I wouldn't know who I am because you could be anything you want to be in my view.

I had a similar experience with an ex. He used to like to wind me up to upset me as he used to find my reaction (meltdown) amusing. I asked him to desist and he said no because he found it funny.

I left that one too.



This is very bad!

To be fair I wasn't talking about paedophiles and abusers.

I thought it was pretty obvious that I was talking about people with ASD's who wanted to make friends.

Pardon me, if I confused anyone. This was not my intention.

I seem to be in a grump tonight.

No problem. I am not going to use the advice to hurt anyone...

I'll just keep grumping and making intermittent posts complaining because I am feeling lonely and am in a sulk about it I expect. It is what I usually do. Although that has less to do with being true to myself and more to do with not having any other outlet, not being able to change my situation for whatever reasons and my choice of coping skills.

I seeing being untrue to myself as trying to become a punk rocker with 20 piercings who goes speed racing on drugs when I am more into needle crafts, old movies, musicals and playing the piano.

Not that punk rockers can't be into those things, I suppose they can....

I meant I cant change my quirks whether they be ASD related or otherwise, I have had them for life and they have always been with me. So much so I see them as a part of who I am not just a disorder or something that I have as such.

They are not going anywhere...I can only work with or around them but I think they are here to stay.

My quirks are however harmless. Irritating to some apparently, but harmless.

I can't understand why people would gossip about you anyway.

You seem to be a nice enough person.