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Norny
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10 Mar 2014, 3:12 am

I suppose they aren't really intense lies, but rather extensive exaggerations on a great many things. For example, if they had taken an IQ test and scored 120, they'd claim they scored 150. They lie about so many things as if to give a false impression of themselves, and though I've pointed some things out time to time, they won't stop. It's frustrating when I know they're lying but they persist in expressing false truths.

Can anyone think of some potential reasons for this? I have a few, but I want to see if others will bring them up before I reveal them.


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Vacant_Entity
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10 Mar 2014, 3:19 am

I'm guilty of doing that sometimes, and the reason is probably fragile/low self esteem, so by makimg themselves seem better, they feel better about themselves


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a_dork
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10 Mar 2014, 3:41 am

Vacant_Entity wrote:
I'm guilty of doing that sometimes, and the reason is probably fragile/low self esteem, so by makimg themselves seem better, they feel better about themselves


Exactly this. Your friend has probably been shamed over being himself, as several of us on the spectrum have. So he attempts to compensate for what he doesn't have by stretching the truth a little. When people start to show impression back, he decides to stretch it a bit further, until he eventually ends up where he is now. Lying becomes an addiction; you know it's wrong and that you should stop. But at this point, you've done it so often that it happens instinctively.


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886
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10 Mar 2014, 3:45 am

I don't know why people do this, I know a man who does this, he's not autistic and he's stereotypically a pretty confident man. He exaggerates EVERYTHING.

"They're gonna have 20 weekend runs available!" (they had 7.)
"He's written people up here over 500 times, he's due to get fired!"

But I do think it has a lot to do with trying to seem dominant.


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linatet
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10 Mar 2014, 5:18 am

Well, I think you have to try to know if it is pathological lying, there is, if he lies compulsively or if he does so consciously. If it is the first option, researchers are still figuring out the causes.
if it is the second option it could be low self-steem, like the other users said, or it could be that he really believes what he is saying. For instance, in the IQ test he didn't do two questions that he could have done, so he thinks he has in fact IQ of 150. Also black-and-white thinking, like you go to your uncle's house and there he makes you a cake and plays games but does something you hate, like touching your stuff with dirty hands. Then you come home and tell your mother it was awful and that he treated you awfully. She would perceive it as a lie. Another example, there is this arrogant group of girls at your school and one of then does something bad to you. Then you say to someone else: girls at my school are mean, I hate them, when actually only ONE did something to you. I am guilty of this too sometimes, this sort of black-and-white exaggeration.



Soccer22
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10 Mar 2014, 8:50 am

I don't know why they're doing that. I've reluctantly stayed friends with this girl since I was 8 years old and she is a compulsive liar who exaggerates EVERYTHING. I remember this one time she even lied about something SO SIMPLE, it was when I was 10, I said that I saw this cool looking purple hot rod car on the road and she replied with "I've seen that car before too", and while maybe she did, I'm guessing not, since my family and I traveling down a highway no where near where we live. I couldn't tell you why she does it, except for maybe what was already said, low self esteem. She also has daddy issues where she feels the need to always impress him because he use to always threaten that she couldn't have dinner or dessert if she didn't do well at soccer, so yeah, I think that actually is a lot of the problem.



zer0netgain
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10 Mar 2014, 9:05 am

Vacant_Entity wrote:
I'm guilty of doing that sometimes, and the reason is probably fragile/low self esteem, so by makimg themselves seem better, they feel better about themselves


This...likely.

For a long time, I've been made to feel worthless, so I often have to "pump myself up" to feel good about myself.



linatet
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10 Mar 2014, 9:53 am

Other possible explanations:
http://www.myaspergerschild.com/2012/02 ... s.html?m=1

Soccer22 wrote:
I don't know why they're doing that. I've reluctantly stayed friends with this girl since I was 8 years old and she is a compulsive liar who exaggerates EVERYTHING. I remember this one time she even lied about something SO SIMPLE, it was when I was 10, I said that I saw this cool looking purple hot rod car on the road and she replied with "I've seen that car before too", and while maybe she did, I'm guessing not, since my family and I traveling down a highway no where near where we live. I couldn't tell you why she does it, except for maybe what was already said, low self esteem. She also has daddy issues where she feels the need to always impress him because he use to always threaten that she couldn't have dinner or dessert if she didn't do well at soccer, so yeah, I think that actually is a lot of the problem.

this father is doing an awful thing to his child. Self-steem is about feeling loved and deserving just because you exist and are who you are, and not that you will only be liked or worthy if you accomplish something. He is obviously destroying her and he is obviously clueless about raising children.



daydreamer84
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10 Mar 2014, 10:14 am

Since the example of a lie you gave was saying his IQ was higher than it was I'd say low self esteem and trying to make himself seem better/ smarter to compensate, as other posters have said, is the most likely cause.

My sister's friend since second grade is a writer and she travels all over the world and writes about her experiences. She has a couple articles published online and is trying to make a living by writing, is intending to write travel books. She's really popular, funny and social. My sister told me that she tells little lies, exaggerations of what happens to her in every day conversation and has since she was a child. She does this simply to tell better stories. These are every day stories, parts of conversation but still wants to tell a good tale so she'll lie to make something funnier or more interesting. That's another reason someone might tell little lies all the time but from what you've told us about your friend I'd go with the low self esteem explanation.



Last edited by daydreamer84 on 10 Mar 2014, 10:48 am, edited 1 time in total.

hihowareyou
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10 Mar 2014, 10:36 am

I'm not a dishonest person. When I say something I usually stand by my words.

However, sometimes people tell me I have a big imagination.

People tend to not agree with perception.



League_Girl
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10 Mar 2014, 11:03 am

One of my ex boyfriends always exaggerated. I also think people believe their own exaggerations because that is how it seems to them. Depression can cause it and so can low self esteem. I can imagine someone with OCD who cannot stand clutter may say a room is a mess just because there is a board game out and not put away. I wouldn't call that lying because lying implies deliberate and these people aren't doing it on purpose to deceive. I can even see a perfectionist exaggerating because it's not perfect what they have done so they say they did a terrible job with it and I see it and it actually looks good.


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Last edited by League_Girl on 10 Mar 2014, 4:08 pm, edited 1 time in total.

EzraS
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10 Mar 2014, 11:35 am

Am not capable of lying.
The compulsion to tell it like it is, is just too strong in me.
Maybe am a pathological truth teller?



WerewolfPoet
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10 Mar 2014, 12:10 pm

Relating to what linatet and League_Girl said, most of my "lying" is due to distorted perceptions. My brain sometimes (less frequently as I've aged, it seems) "speed reads" conversations by picking up about 3/10th of the words in a sentence and piecing together a meaning from those words. I've been accused of "hearing what I want to hear," though I don't typically notice the error in cognition until later. For example, I somehow "heard" that I won third place in the school's Young Writer contest and, thus, told everyone accordingly. As it turns out, the contest wasn't exactly "ranked" into places. :oops: I also am occasionally guilty of falling into the black-and-white trap.


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Shrike
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10 Mar 2014, 12:13 pm

Try reading into pathological demand avoidance. High-functioning aspergers can often relate.

I lie frequently, especially to get out of trouble. There seems to be this idea that people with aspergers and autism find it hard to lie, well, I sometimes feel guilty if it's something important, I'm probably a bad liar, even - but when telling a lie is more beneficial than telling the truth, it's worth the risk.

I think the whole aspies don't lie thing comes from being unable to distinguish thoughts from fact. It's hard to distinguish between what is known by yourself, and what is known by others. Or something like that.



RichardJ
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10 Mar 2014, 12:39 pm

I tend to boast, but only about truthful things. I may exaggerate things but I do it more as a hyperbole.


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inachildsmind
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10 Mar 2014, 12:45 pm

zer0netgain wrote:
Vacant_Entity wrote:
I'm guilty of doing that sometimes, and the reason is probably fragile/low self esteem, so by makimg themselves seem better, they feel better about themselves


This...likely.

For a long time, I've been made to feel worthless, so I often have to "pump myself up" to feel good about myself.


ditto