Asperger Syndrome and Rudeness Response

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I think kids at my daughter's school get let off scot free with being mean and nasty, while my daughter has to learn social skills. The last time I met with the depute head, I enacted a scene I had witnessed where a girl was particualrly rude to my daughter (I'm particualry concerned about the prospect of bullying, due to my own experiences as a child and knowing that my daughter is a very likely target). She asked what I had done about it and I said that I told my daughter to come away from her, as I had no idea what else to do. She said that I had to teach my daughter to assume that the other girl hadn't meant anything nasty (when it was plainly obvious that she was being nasty). The ball is squarely in my daughter's court and there's no responsibility on the others to be civil and treat her with respect. And she has to act stupid and gullible - I'm sure that will help keep the bullies at bay.

Why is it not okay for people with Asperger Syndrome/Autism to be Rude, but Nuerotypicals can say something Rude, and it's not treated like a horrible thing happened?

An example: An adult daughter who is Neurotypical tells her mother, "Oink, oink." when talking about mother eating pie one day after she made it, and thus pigging it down instead of saving it another day. The mother acted embarrassed and says, "Yeah, I shouldn't." The Nerotypical then says, "Well ya'all (the father, mother, and sister, who has Autism) need to and get a gym membership." The mother says nothing.

The daughter with Autism (Asperger Syndrome, Adult). says, "Why does dad take a monster piece of pie like he's starving?" ("Damn."). The mother then gets angry at her daughter and says, "Don't worry about what others are doing, and just because dad takes a big piece, don't worry about that." "Just take a little piece, you don't have to take a big piece of pie." "Quit worrying about what others are doing!"

The other daughter (Neurotypical) says to her sister, (Autistic), "What are you damning about?" "It's not like you're not getting any pie."

In other words, the person with Autism is being unreasonable and it's okay for the Neurotypical to say whatever.

Why is this?