Do you ask questions?

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I have learnt to just shut up as much as possible these days but that doesn't mean that I do not have a tonne of questions waiting to be asked.

I generally go with the idea that I can learn things better through figuring them out or observing...asking questions gets you answers, but it doesn't mean you'll understand those answers...figure it out for yourself you not only know the answer without asking the question, but you also find you know more as a result.

Yes, I do. So much that each time there was an asking session, everyone looked at me hoping for me to ask.

Exact opposite. All I do is ask questions! My favorite question as a kid was "WHY?" My parents got real sick of that!

I used to be a big asker of questions. It is a big way for me to learn. Years of trying to fit in has robbed me of this though. Asking that many questions is not an NT thing to do. I am trying to get back to asking questions.

I've always liked asking a lot of questions. Partly because I love learning things, and the more I know about someone the easier it is to control them.

Last edited by dunbots on 09 Feb 2011, 2:43 am, edited 1 time in total.

Heehehehehehehh

Questions are great for simulating social ability. If I'm over my head in a social situation I'll just wait for someone to say something vaguely interesting. I'll then force myself to be interested in that subject and ask a lot of questions about it. That runs out the clock.

People love to talk about their nonsense and if my special interest isnt going to be discussed, I'd rather fill the time with their topics than general chit chat. General chit chat is what stresses me out.

Dogs are pretty easy. They communicate well.

Other people with ASC.

I mostly try to keep quiet.

The only way I'm usually comfortable speaking is to ask a question. BUT I only seem to ask if it's about a topic. At work, I ask a lot of questions about work itself to try and improve my performance, and if someone is talking about a topic if it picks up my interest I'll ask clarifying questions, but I never ask personal questions just about other people's lives. If people start talking about themselves, or anything of a social nature, I tune out completely.

i never ask questions. i just give answers. i am an answering machine.

Kind of......at least in the immediate sense, i.e. when I'm with people, I don't seem to feel any great curiosity about them, and even if I happen to think "it's probably time for me to ask a question," I can't think of one.

But in a less immediate sense, I'm very interested. I'm completely convinced that knowing a lot about people's beliefs, their loves and hates, their hopes and fears, the emotionally significant experiences they've had, their sense of ethics, their interests, and their strengths and weaknesses, would be very helpful to me. Without that information, developing a friendship is as feasible as doing archery blindfolded. When I look at my special interests over the years, I've taken a huge interest in whatever I've deduced will be valuable to furthering the interest, even when I've felt the subject matter to be ridiculously tedious and inaccessible - e.g. machine code programming for the Sinclair Spectrum (so I could create music programs that helped me to make better music), Marx (so I could understand what's going on with the capitalist system), even my schoolwork for god's sake (so I could get a more comfy and higher-paid job). Knowing the potential value of the said information has always made me do whatever it takes to get that information. If I can't find out any other way, I've even asked the occasional expert a question.

So why doesn't my deep interest in growing good friendships ever translate into asking them questions about themselves? On the rare occasions when I've managed to do this, it's gone down well - it gets the other person talking about themselves and as CockneyRebel said, it demonstrates interest. You can hardly go wrong with questions, as long as they aren't of the "why don't you go take a running jump?" variety....it's a social goldmine.

One possibility - I've noticed that when performing music, I have to play a predetermined "set-list" of songs - if I get asked to play a couple more, even if I have a comprehensive list of all my songs in front of me, I can't simply pick one at random and play it. So I'm wondering if it's the lack of a rigid protocol that stops me choosing questions? Though if that protocol began with questions about name, rank, serial number and the weather, I'd probably balk at that - it would feel phoney and distant, even though I understand the value of it these days. And no "one size fits all" protocol would work, because everybody's different, and the questions I would want to ask one person might be quite different form the questions I'd want to ask another. So maybe a real-life social situation is just too dynamic for my brain to work with?

I do recall one evening where I asked a lady about 5 or 6 questions - that's my record. But I was very lucky - we were watching a music show, and I asked her a new question every time the music stopped. While the music was playing, we were silent. The beauty of it was, I had several minutes to think of something interesting to ask. So maybe it's the immediacy of normal social contact that I can't deal with - it seems to me that in most social situations, the moment is gone before I've even strung my bow. People seem to change the subject so quickly.

Also, habit must be involved. Growing up as an Aspie, I just didn't see the value of questions, and they say you can't teach an old dog new tricks (though I refuse to believe it's that hopeless). Nor did my parents demonstrate the art to me - Dad would occasionally ask a question, but I got the impression that he was making a big effort to do so, as if he was pushing his envelope - certainly it didn't seem like he was just doing it naturally. More like he'd decided to home his social skills on that particular day, and I felt that he was more interested in looking socially competent than in getting the answer.

With my beloved partner, and we have discussed this topic, I don't ask questions. I am, however, a quite astute listener.

I do believe it is a processing issue. It is not that I lack interest. I simply do not have any 'questions'.

I take in everything. But all my 'questions' are intellect related, not social. But I do pay close attention. I can tell you very close, though maybe not verbatim, detail about your life.

I do not lack interest! I just lack questions.

Last edited by creature1001 on 09 Feb 2011, 12:15 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I think I know what you mean. Once, a partner of mine put me on the spot and asked me to tell her what I knew about her personality. I was able to say a lot, and she was delighted. Yet I'd never asked her any questions, as far as I remember.