StuartN wrote:
bluedolphin wrote:
Yes but, I do not know whether the lack of interest in sex was exclusively with me (maybe because he didn't like me or felt attracted to me) or it is with everyone else.
From what you have written about his solitude, and his failure to form stable relationships with equals, it is not in any way related to you.
He has some very fixed ideas of sexuality and appears to have wanted to coerce you into the mould of those ideas. He seems to have been disturbed by any independent thoughts or feelings that you expressed. He appears to have a need for total control and he seems to be unable to feel safe with other equal adults. The only relationship that you mention is with his mother, and you also say he is a doctor, in a position superior to most of the people he deals with through work.
I don't think there is any such thing as "normal" in human sexuality, because many kinds of relationships and behaviours make people happy and feel secure. But sexual health is "An integration of somatic, emotional, intellectual and social aspects of sexual being, in ways that are positive, enriching, and that enhance personality, communication and love" (World Health Organisation) and "The physical, emotional, psychological, social and cultural well being of a person's sexual identity, and the capacity and freedom to enjoy and express sexuality without exploitation, oppression, physical or emotional harm" (Royal College of Nurses) - I do not see the behaviours that you have described as being healthy.
He might have fixed ideas but was he expecting me not to have a sexual relationship? And masturbate in front of me when he wasn't doing it with me??? No one would do that. That is hurtful!!When I told him after many times that I didn't like that and that it hurt me he was defensive and agressive saying that he has been by himself and that is what he is used to doing. He would also say he needed his space and privacy.....so masturbate instead of having sex with me came down to having his space and privacy!!. Come on! even if you haven't had a relationship for a while no one gives this type of answers. When you are with a partner you have sex with your partner. That was no excuse. According to him, but I don't know if I believe anything he says, sex was ok in his previous relationship....but who knows? And take me to the computer to open porn websites of women.....what is this? He could do that when he is by himself but take me there and look....it feels as if he wasn't even conscious or aware of the magnitude of the things he was doing....
Everything came to him being by himself a long time. He wouldn't sit down with me on the sofa for the same reason. If we ate together he would leave the table when I ha'dn't even finished due to the same reason and on and on......that goes beyond being used to being by yourself....that is manners.
I do agree with you 100% that he wanted to have 100% control of the situation, sexually and in every other aspect of the "relationship". He told me I was very demanding and had high expectations when I wanted to kiss or sit down together on the sofa, etc.....and he said that he does not play by my rules. He was nasty and cruel!! !
24 Jun 2011, 7:11 am
