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OTOH, if your ten years of watching the crappy treatment kids with Autism often receive is what's fueling your anger, I absolutely understand that. I get pretty darned pissed off at some of the garbage my kids put up with too.

So if that's what's driving this, I understand perfectly. I'm really just trying to help you understand how you might be perceived here by coming on so strong so quickly.

I have been told that I am autistic and I have to deal with this disorder on a social level but I do not want to be defined by it.

I also work with people with autism but they have learning disabilities as well.

Well, autism will affect who you are, of course. But you're no more defined by autism than your gender or your nationality or your job or anything else. It's just part of you--you're a person, not a walking blob of autism, right?

Anyway, you're the same person now as you always were, before you started suspecting autism. Sometimes I think people get the idea that if they have autism, those traits are "not really them, just the autism," but that's kind of silly--you've only got one brain, after all. You're YOU, you always have been. The "autism as foreign invader" idea is a scary one, but it's also ridiculous and untrue. It's just part of the way you were built, that's all. 's like saying, "Oh, that's not my cat; that's just the tail on my cat." Like her tail wasn't part of her in the first place! A human having autism is no more unnatural than a cat having a tail... though, I suppose, there are far many more autism-less humans than there are tailless Manx cats!

Last edited by Callista on 20 Jul 2011, 9:07 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Okay. Then don't. Nobody can make you. I don't see the problem really.

Nobody makes me define myself by my Autism. But I do have it, and it is part of who I am. And...

I wouldn't know if not for the guys in the white coats, so even though I don't agree with everything about how they found it, described it and defined it, I am thankful at least that SOMEBODY did some research, because if they hadn't, i would still just be labeled as a misfit by society. A stubborn, willfully uncooperative a-hole.

For the majority of my life, those are the labels that were assigned to me. Now I now why. And "Autistic" is a hell of a lot better label IMHO.

I don't wear it on my sleeve. I don't have it tattooed on my forehead. I tell only people who need to know, or are close enough friends to me that I trust them enough.

I know it doesn't define me, because almost everyone who knows me, doesn't even know I have it.

There is a psychological effect when you are told that you are autistic. It is like defeat and that is what I am fighting but I am suspicious of those in white coats who often get things wrong. The experts are the people with autism because they have to deal with it first hand.

I can totally identify, but in a slightly different way.

For me, obtaining the "label" was actually a triumph, partly because I knew by the age of 2, one of my sons had it, but even though we had him tested, they kept saying "No, he doesn't." Three times we had him looked at for it, then gave up. Then, in third grade, his school psychologist, who never knew anything about our suspicions called us in and told us, "Your son has Asperger's Syndrome, and his brother has PDD-NOS. I was so pissed. Not at her, but at all the doctors that missed it.

Long story short, the reason he wasn't diagnosed was because I have it, didn't know it at the time, so every form I filled out I filled out as if the stuff they were asking about was perfectly normal, because I thought it was.

Anyway, despite the differences in our experiences, and my own DX feeling more like a win for me, I do have a LOT of reservations about the way AS is viewed by professionals, but especially about the way they tend to "treat it."

So I think I know where you're coming from now. And I get the anger for sure.

BTW: I don't know if I should admit this or not, but I confess there was a little bit of suspicion on my part about your motivations here. A lot of newcomer's posts that look very similar to yours are just designed to cause problems and start arguments. i don't think that's the case with you.

Now that you mention it, that is a big flaw in the diagnostic process for children (where parental input carries so much weight). I filled out those forms too and thought nothing of it until you wrote this post. They more or less ask you as a parent to compare the child to yourself- the assumption is that you don't have a similar neurology to your child and so will notice these autistic differences because they jump out at you as being different from you. It all falls apart when the parent is autistic too.

@Janissy: Yeah, if the kid's parents (one, the other, or both) are ASD and don't know it, before they're in school, there isn't too much else to go on unless they have other family members and/or friends fill some out, but they never even suggested that for us. IMHO they should have. If they had, I'll bet almost anything they might have caught it.

@521base10: I could not agree more that Autistcs, at least those with the capacity to articulate their thoughts and the concepts of ASD's are, I think, becoming far better experts than the non-Autistics running the show.

I think we're just now seeing the very beginning of the tide turning.

Hi 521base10

When you get a diagnosis on the autism spectrum - especially if you are a mature-aged adult (I was in my 50s when diagnosed) - you go through all sorts of emotions. Particularly if you have picked up the common social prejudices about anyone who is "unusual", it can take time to work through all these emotions and figure out exactly what it means. Feeling defeated is not an uncommon feeling for a while - after all, you are changing your understanding of yourself, and that means the "defeat" of certain unrealistic ideals, as well as the development of new, more realistic and truthful (and worthwhile) ideals. When I was diagnosed, I was told I had the "Aspie strengths". That helped to counter-balance feelings like defeat. I still had to work through negative feelings, but as time goes on, I am more and more happy with who I am, rather than despondent that I am "defective". Being an Aspie, for example, hasn't stopped me from becoming an IT manager - I have a very NT boss who can help with the people management, while I manage the technical stuff (he knows about my diagnosis - I am not the only person with neuro-diversity in the IT section).

For me, and for many people, a label actually does help. All my life I have felt different to other people, "odd", unable to fit in and be the same as everyone else. It was a great relief to discover that I am not an "odd" NT, I am a normal Aspie. Instead of worrying about why I am not the same as others, I can start accepting that I am what I was meant to be. I can work on my sensory sensitivity, managing my emotions better, giving myself time to recover from social interaction, and lots of other things. And I can enjoy my special interests, my hours of time alone "recharging my batteries", and my fun times with Aspie friends and family. I can enjoy my Aspie strengths.

Discovering that you are on the spectrum is not a defeat, but it may feel like that while you readjust your sense of who you are. It is a defeat for expectations that you will some day become a "normal NT". But with more time it can be, and should be, liberating, because it means you can successfully be yourself, rather than fail at trying to be someone else.