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How do you react when you find out

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Verdandi
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15 Mar 2012, 8:34 pm

Tuttle wrote:
:( I'd recommend trying to cut them out of your life as much as possible. I know when things similar to that happened to me, I needed to do so in order to cope at all.


I'm doing as much as I can but we live in the same house and she looks for any reason to pick a fight. For some reason she thinks I need to be watched like a hawk and harassed when I don't meet her ever-changing arbitrary standards.

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We seem to be good targets for narcissists. It really bothers me. Unfortunately the narcissist that targeted me (and accused me of being abusive for having meltdowns at all and convinced people I was abusive towards him) is still thought to be an entirely good person by most of the people around me :(.


Oh, the stupid s**t is everyone knows what she's doing, but no one's doing anything about it because she's pregnant, but she has been like this for years. They're also using her bipolar diagnosis as an excuse for her behavior, but the last I checked, "jerk" wasn't a DSM diagnosis. I don't think having a diagnosis is an excuse for being an abusive ass.



Verdandi
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15 Mar 2012, 8:40 pm

League_Girl wrote:
I would want to know why they said that. Maybe they had misunderstood me or have the wrong idea about me. But if they were just making stuff up like events or situations, then yeah I would be mad.


She was telling other people that she politely asked me to do something and I yelled at her. The truth is that she came out of her bedroom and yelled at me, and I just said "whine, whine, whine" because all she does is complain about random things I do that aren't problems for anyone but her. She's trying to misrepresent me as "picking fights" with her, when I do my best to not talk to her or interact with her, and at most I tell her to shut up and go away.

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But I chewed the old friend out on the bus. That's how I handled it. Then after that she never talked about me again on the bus. I sure didn't hear again from other kids what was said about me and being asked if I did this or that or my brothers saying she talked about me again so I assume she didn't. Probably because she knew she wouldn't be taken seriously.


I don't have any way to handle this because if I try to talk to her, she gets defensive and accuses me of numerous things I never did, but which she does all the time.

Also, when she can't support her argument that she needs to yell at me for stupid s**t, she'll randomly pick something else and yell about that too.

Orr wrote:
Ideally, If I was certain of the situation, I would gently confront them about what they said, using my belief that, once the confrontation is over, my anger will likely have dissipated, as a way to remain calm. In my experience, it is possible that the other party would deny, or attempt to alter details of the event in explaining what had happened. I would patiently allow them to contunue, still focussing on remaining calm. When they are finished, I will calmly tell them my conclusion. If they become abusive, then I will focus on remaining calm, and tell them that I am not allowing what they say to upset me, that their bullying does not have the power to hurt me, and I am not afraid of their threats.


There's no gently confronting her. And it makes things stressful when I get something to eat because she follows me in the kitchen and then flips out at random.

I have only achieved the above when medicated, and the other party ignored me for a week before weakly apologising, including in their reason for the latter, that it was due to their concern for another family member's health.