I don't understand. Help me out?

Post Reply New Topic

It's really annoying. I don't know why she's doing these things. Last time I met her I went to Amsterdam with her, her boyfriend and my boyfriend. They had a really good time but I got overloaded and sort shut down very quickly. Then, later that day, we were having dinner when a friend of hers showed up and joined us for dinner. Made me extremely anxious. So anxious I went mute or something. She didn't seem to care about me going mute or me getting overloaded. She barely talked to me that day. But then, the day after, she was really nice to me again. She even said she had noticed I wasn't doing particularly good the day before. I don't mean to trash-talk her or anything, I just don't get it.

Not sure I really understood all of that but anyway, I think I've decided I won't contact her again unless she contacts me first. I guess I'll eventually figure out if she really cares and wants to talk to me.

I'd happily help extended family and friends with occassional computer problems. If they started asking every week, I'd go non-responsive too. It's the only way to slow it down, without causing an ugly confrontation.

You've overdone it, I suggest you thank her for her help, send her some flowers or wine, then perhaps ask her if she can recommend someone else you can talk to? You don't want this interfering with your family relationships.

Jason

vortex wrote:

........more than likely her loyalties lie with her boyfriend's (blood relatives) family NOT YOU. IF you are coming to her for advice regarding your boyfriend (and anything THAT you say is misconstrued and/or is negative) then it's quite possible she will distance herself from YOU for these reasons.

Think back if you can and apply my above statement to anything THAT you may have discussed with her.

TheSunAlsoRises

I haven't discussed my relationship with my boyfriend with her.

Answer me a few questions then:

Were your discussions of a personal nature, anything THAT IF *you* did not feel comfortable with, *you* would not discuss with anyone else ?

or Could you talk to *anyone* about your problems ? in other words, is this information you feel comfortable with telling, anyone ?
-------------------

* In the last meeting was anything different about you,. Stressful day, anxious, unfocused, hyperactive, talkative, etc.....

There is a point in time, when communication ceased; it's likely that what directly proceeded that holds some clues.

I know you have already made your decision. I wanted to give you a few more things to think about.

Good Luck,


TheSunAlsoRises

Not sure this is what you mean but there are definitely things I don't discuss with her (or anyone else for that matter). But I've also trusted her with things I haven't told other people (well, I've told my boyfriend as well). My AS suspicions for example.

Last time I met her this happened (quoting an earlier post I wrote):



EDIT: Also, I should mention that just before we parted she once again told me I could email her if I wanted to.

She's a bit spooked and conflicted.

It was a courtesy comment.

Like when people say call me BUT have no attention of answering your call, and hoping you will get the message, after a while.

I think you made a wise choice.

TheSunAlsoRises

I'm still struggling a bit with knowing when to hold back, I have mild AS but no one ever talked to me about it so it made it such a struggle to learn to fit in, plus probably schizophrenia. I can't even tell what the diff is other than overstimulation.

I'm not sure I'll ever be able to understand courtesy and social pleasantries like that. Is that unwritten rule something all NTs know about? That "call me" or "email me" don't always mean "call me" or "email me" that is.

Anyway, thanks for your help.

Let me show you something that you wrote from a previous post.

vortex wrote:

EDIT: Also, I should mention that just before we parted she once again told me I could email her if I wanted to.

It's depends on, the context and tone of the these last few words. Non-Autistics(many, not ALL) can pick up on these little nuances. Like I said, i'm not privy to the details of your conversation BUT your friend could have seen you distressed and told you what you needed to hear (at that moment in time) with an understanding THAT the offer had limitations.

Yes. Non-Autistics use these phrases in many different ways THAT sometimes can not be taken literally.

It's similar to when a Boss says, come see me anytime, BUT one knows a Boss is not available anytime plus IF you approached a Boss constantly..... problems would insue. In this case, the boss makes this statement to alleviate any worries that you may have concerning questions you may have i.e dont be afraid to approach.

Just know, your friend's offer was not done out of malice.

Again, Good Luck

You're very welcomed. Anytime.

TheSunAlsoRises