whirlingmind
Veteran
Joined: 25 Oct 2007
Age: 58
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,130
Location: 3rd rock from the sun
02 Feb 2013, 6:14 pm
LeeTimmer wrote:
Another excellent post, whirlingmind. Thank you. If I had my preference, I'd work things out with my wife, of course. In many ways - and I'm not trying to pass blame - my wife's refusal to even consider counseling, when she knows full well that we have a huge problem, is driving me away. Again, I'm not trying to use that as an excuse; I certainly have my hangups and have contributed my share of misery to her over the years. But here's what I'm dealing with, for example: The other day before I left for work, the morning after yet another blowup, I asked her to just list a few things that she thinks I need to work on and a few things that she needs to work on. I told her that I would do the same, and we'd go over the lists that night after work (she stays home during the day). When I returned home that evening, after dinner and helping the kids with their homework, I went to the bedroom and pulled out my lists. I completed my lists during my lunch hour, and the items listed were well thought out; I put a lot of effort into it. Of course, my wife hadn't listed anything. When I asked her why not, she said, "I'll do it when I get around to it." THAT's what I'm facing. And I don't say that as Exhibit A of "poor me." It's just the reality - and the misery - that I'm living with.
We have quite a lot in common! I once outright asked my husband if he could list his faults, he looked up to the ceiling thoughtfully, saying umm, umm, as if he couldn't think of a single one, and never replied. I coldly told him that at least I could list my faults and I was very aware of them. His ego is so huge he won't even admit to having faults, which every human being alive has. Some people you just can't get anywhere with. It's also so easy for them to absolve responsibility for their own wrongdoings when they know you have a condition, they can blame everything on that so they can carry on reassuring themselves they are perfect.
02 Feb 2013, 6:17 pm
