whirlingmind wrote:
I'm sorry to hear you got so low you were suicidal. Is it suicidal when you just want to kill yourself, or is it suicidal too when you feel so low that you wonder why you're even here and you imagine not being here, and how everyone would be better without you? I have thanatophobia and don't actually want to kill myself, but I have had those other thoughts.
I hope mine doesn't last a month, I'm struggling with it for even a few days - and thanks.
There are various degrees of suicidal ranging from "I wish I were dead" or "I wish I didn't exist" with no real intention to act on it to the point of actively planning and then following through with that plan. When I'm at my worst, I make plans, but I don't usually act on them. Most of my plans wouldn't really work, as they tend to be among the least lethal methods. Of course, learning this only encouraged me to consider the more painful but also more lethal possibilities.
I don't want to kill myself, but I do not consider my state of mind when in the midst of a depressive episode to be rational.