For those of you who are happy being completely alone....

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That comes across as a little harsh although it depends on what you mean by alone.

For example I like living alone, I like being as independent as I can (not as independent as I would like at the moment due to not being able to work due to difficulty coping with social interaction for long periods of time but am looking into ways to self employ that don't require excessive social contact in order to remedy that) and I have no desire to want to cohabit with someone else, nor do I wish for someone to look after me or solve my problems as I prefer to do these things myself where possible, but I do enjoy sharing a little intimacy now and then (particularly with a male I share a bond with but I wouldn't rule out bonding with a female either) and I don't really consider that to be weak.

If on the other hand you need someone to look after you or cohabit it depends again. I mean do they have a significant disability that means they need this? In which case weak is a bit harsh as it may take them amazing strength to have to cope with their disability on a daily basis.

I guess there are instances where they might be considered weak but only if they are unable to cope on their own when they are completely physically and mentally able...

Some people literally don't have two feet to stand on though

They also may not have legs...in which case the poor souls probably can't stand up at all.

I don't think it is fair to judge without know a persons full circumstances and even then showing a little understanding does not hurt.

To OP - Enjoying being alone, doesn't mean we enjoy being lonely. I like being alone, but I am very lonely too.

I am not hateful and I am not spitting bile. Neither do I claim that I am devoid of human feelings and emotions, on the contrary. You should look up the literal meaning of the word autism because you seem to have no idea what autism is all about. There are autists who have a normal need for social contacts and others who don't.

Calling people who are so dependant on others, that they completely falll apart when they are alone for longer periods of time weak is indeed harsh and narrow minded. I am very aware of that! However, that is the way I feel about it. I take it that you prefer hypocrisy and evasiveness over straightforwardness and honesty but that's your problem, not mine.

I will not tread on your sensitve soul again. Allthough I sincerey doubt if you are that sensitive because you come across as pretty hateful yourself to be honest. Bye now!

I will third the separate cottages up the same country lane

I can't answer the original post as I live with my boyfriend, but what I will say is I feel very lucky as for a long time I was scared of being alone forever because what I want from a relationship isn't 'typical' I guess, and I didn't think I would find anyone I could tolerate living with.

Me and my boyfriend work because I have my own room and bed where I sleep and spend a lot of time in private with my interests, and I can arrange my room how I like it, I have to have my own space. Meanwhile he has his room and is easily entertained by his gaming so he doesn't demand my time as much as most people would. I go across to his room when I want company and intimacy and someone to talk to, then I retreat back to my room when I want to go back to my space and peace. He is actually even more content without contact with the outside world that I am (I fear the outside world due to social anxiety and chaos etc but I do still like to have friends I can see say once every few months, although currently those friends live too far away - and I go to dance classes but generally prefer to just dance and not talk to people). Therefore during the times when he is unemployed and I am on leave from education for health reasons, we go for months safely in our own world hardly having to talk to anyone on the outside, which I find to be a relief. We are loners together, which solves my experience with the catch-22 mentioned above of needing a lot of time alone but struggling with loneliness.

I feel much more lonely and depressed in the company of others than when I am alone.
This may be hard to understand for others but it is the absolute truth.

Since this is a forum for people with aspergers I find it very strange that there aren't more people here who can relate to that. That is why I can only come to the conclusion that there are quite a number of forummers here who either don't have aspergers or misdiagnosed themselves. Therefore it is recommendable to get an official diagnosis allthough I do understand that obtaining one can be difficult.

I was specifically looking for a forum that allowed me the chance to communicate with other people with aspergers and other forms of autism but I am not completely sure if that is the case here. I think I am going to focus my attention on other stuff instead of wasting my time.

Last edited by pokerface on 27 Jan 2014, 12:59 pm, edited 2 times in total.

People here who are able to live on their own are lucky. I don't think I'll ever be because of several issues:
I get lost very easily when I go out and because of this I need someone with me when I go out most of the times (except when going to school)
I am paranoid that if I am on my own both in my house or out of it I'm gonna be assaulted by criminals, murderers or thieves. But I never completely trust anyone, therefore I think that the person who's with me might be a criminal as well, which makes me torn between the idea of having someone with me to help me and not having anyone by my side. But heh, 'till there's only one person that might be a criminal I just need to have a weapon hidden somewhere close to me to use it if necessary.
I can't do the laundry, do house cores, and can cook very few things that are not complicated. I hope I'll be able to learn to do those all, but if I don't, I need someone to help me.
If I am alone no one is going to help me when I am ill

So yeah here's pretty much the reasons why I can't be on my own for much time. People who say they are able to be on their own for long probably are lucky and don't have these problems, otherwise I don't think they would enjoy being on their own that much.

This is very offensive towards anyone who can't live on their own or need help with some things.
Just because you were able to "stand on your two feet" it doesn't mean everyone is going to be able to.
There are people who are lower-functioning than that. They're not using it as an excuse, they just are unable to do some things.
I don't need help for everything, but I really need it for some things, and it's not my fault. I've tried and I've tried to do some of those things I'd be able to do on my own, but I can't. I am not using this as an excuse, I know it sounds like one and I f***ing hate that. But I wouldn't tell I need help with something unless I really needed it. I hope I will be able to those things on my own someday, but as for now, I need help with them.
There are many people whose condition(s) prevent them from doing some things that they really want to do, and telling them they need to learn how to "stand on their feet" or that they haven't tried hard enough is nothing but offensive.


Most people on this forum seem higher-functioning than I do. Should I assume that most of them are not actually autistic/they have been misdiagnosed because of this? I can't relate to most people on here as well, for the reason I have stated before.
I don't feel any more lonely on my own or with other people. Actually, I never feel lonely. I used to experience loneliness once but I haven't for a long time now.

Last edited by droppy on 27 Jan 2014, 1:00 pm, edited 2 times in total.

I am not diagnosed but I can understand you, in a way.

I am often more lonely in the company of others than I am when I am alone, but I still desire intimacy...and the company of a lover is the only company I really like for more than a few hours at a time. Even then I do not wish their company so much that I'd want to live with them. I don't. I like living and alone and do not wish to change that.

When around people in general though I feel horribly lonely and somewhat depressed for a number of reasons that might differ from yours (as I said I am not diagnosed).

1 I don't feel like I belong..I feel different to them. They have such a different way of thinking to me. They don't understand me and I don't understand them. I can't connect to them properly.

2 I like to spend time pursuing my hobbies on my own. Yes there are one or two activities I may like to do with others (I'd like to play tennis but need a partner for this) but generally I find I cannot focus properly when there are people around. This can upset me.
I am not good at splitting my attention between hobbies and social interaction simultaneously.

3 They mess my routines up and this upsets me

4 I need alone time to recharge

5 I just quite frankly do not want people around me all the time and, as I said, I certainly don't want to live with them. Even if I loved them I wouldn't want to live with them as strange as that sounds. I'd be tearing my hair out in frustration if I had to have company 24 hours a day.

6 People do not understand any of this and this can lead to my feeling lonely and depressed around them.

My reasons may be different to yours as I said though, plus I do desire some social interaction, but mostly with a lover with whom I share a connection or bond. Otherwise, excluding enjoying the occasional chit chat about a mutual subject of interest with someone, I have little interest in having company as such.

Research and seek help from the internet. You could also get help from professionals, therapists, etc.



Being alone is not necessarily painful.



I cope by spending every waking moment on the internet.

That said, I wouldn't really recommend that anybody spend their life completely alone. Your social skills could deteriorate. Which could become a problem when you need them. Unless of course your goal is to end up a crazy old person living with 50 cats in a dirty house. In which case, go for it.

I think everyone falls somewhere on a sliding scale between extreme introversion and extreme extroversion, and I tend to believe it's something we're born with, and can't change. So the goal is to adapt your lifestyle to fit your own needs for socializing vs. alone time.

Look, if I want to have problematic social interactions with people I have next to nothing in common and would probably even dislike if I were to meet them in person, the only thing I have to do is leave my appartment. Like I mentioned before, I joined this forum to share experiences with other autists. That is all I am interested in at the moment. Nothing less and nothing more. This is probably going to be considered has harsh again but I don't give f**k.

I am going to unsubscribe and learn how to spend my time in a more contstructive manner.

I am not sure what you're trying to say? Everyone with Autism and Aspergers has their own identity and characteristics. It just so happens that the majority of everyone here, diagnosed, undiagnosed, misdiagnosed, self diagnosed, whocareswhatdiagnosed, all share a lot of the same pains and symptoms.

That's like saying because 1 person with cancer is in pain, and 1 isn't, the 2nd person doesn't have cancer and is misdiagnosed.

As for feeling more lonely in the company of others, I can say I experience that and understand that. I feel like I am alone in how I feel, I don't know if what I'm saying or doing is OK to do with others, I always feel like people don't like me and pity me, and I feel like such an outcast compared to everyone else I hang with.

pokerface, it is far too obtuse to reason that because experiences stated or explained do not match up to your own or your desired explanation that they are simply coming from someone outside of the spectrum. If you really feel you must spend your time doing something more constructive, then spend more time studying the spectrum and Asperger's syndrome. Too many make the same mistake you do which is believing that it is limited to your own knowledge and experiences.

I think I get what you were trying to say earlier - that by being with other people you feel more alone for various reasons (inadequacy, inability to relate to anyone present, anxiety etc.). Maybe others who have contributed here feel the same, but just because they haven't shared that info with you in the thread doesn't mean they should be invalidated or that you have gained a magical right to be condescending in nature. WrongPlanet is a big place full of many complex and interesting individuals. I advise you take the time to look around, read more thoughts and opinions before deciding something like that.

I've never been totally alone, because I lack the skills to live independently. I have no idea how I'd cope emotionally. However, I do just fine with spending all day without human company while my parents and brother go to work and school.

I do have one question - do animals count as company? Because I find cats to be excellent company. I think I could handle living without other humans (though I'd still want to visit people I care about during the day) but I can't seem to handle living without pets even if I live with other humans. Somehow, nonhuman company seems to be a psychological need for me.



I wouldn't do it by avoiding others. In fact, if I start feeling a bit lonely, merely going to a public place can ease that, even if I don't interact. (I sometimes wonder if what I call 'loneliness' is actually understimulation, though.)



Throughout childhood, yes. I remember being pretty sociable as a preschooler, and feeling lonely. But social rejection and being an only child got me used to not having other kids to play with. I didn't consciously use any coping strategies - the feeling of loneliness just faded on its own.

nailed it. I think it is very important to recognize your individual ability to survive on your own. it's such a social norm to rely on other people, but when you learn how to handle your own issues and solve your own problems you can figure out a lot about your own personality. develop yourself.

I'm largely much happier on my own. When things get tough, I do sometimes wish I had someone to talk to or offer practical support; but that's never actually been available to me, even when I was living with my family (who were not only unsupportive of me, but tended to rely on my support instead), so not having it is pretty normal to me.

As others have said of themselves, I find ways to handle the issue alone. Emotionally, though, I do tend to go downhill badly when stressful things happen - I can usually deal with whatever I have to, but everything else falls by the wayside until it's over with. Whether that would be any different if I did have some emotional support I don't know.

What I worry about is getting older - when I'm physically no longer able to look after myself.


Being alone isn't painful to me, so no. But I used to go out to bars and pubs on my own, and stopped doing that at some point partly because that sense that everyone else was connecting in some mysterious way not open to me could hurt.


I don't remember ever struggling with being alone, but the Internet has been a godsend to me (I'm old enough to have been alone before the WWW) because it allows me some measure of interaction if/when I want it. I also enjoy just reading other people's discussions on message boards, because it's like being in a group of people but not being made to feel awkward if you never say anything (and you can just leave whenever you want)

As for the two cottages on the same country lane, I quite like living in the city, so for me, two flats/appartments in the same building or on the same street would be perfect. Not that I'm ever likely to form that sort of relationship...