ToughDiamond wrote:
No, I usually try to do everything myself, whether I have the skill or not. If somebody else has to speak for me, I feel cheated out of my right to behave like an adult. I'm not saying I'm right, just perfectionist and annoyingly independent.
Remind me never to fly in a plane with you!
Joking aside, your concept of "behaving like an adult" kind of pisses me off and seems warped.
It pisses me off because I depend on other people and I am an adult. I am 49 years old. I have two children who are about to be teenagers. I have a house. I have a car which I drive skillfully. I have been at my job for decades.
Nevertheless, I have real problems that I have struggled with all my life. At times that struggle has been desperate. I am not doing as well as I would be in multiple areas of life if I did not have these problems and because of them I would not have any of the positions, possessions or relationships that I have struggled for without help. Help from my wife. Help from my Uncle. Help from the aspergian boss at work who understood me better than I did and tried to tell me about my autism a decade before I finally worked it out for myself.
Needing this help does not equate to being childish or less of an adult.
It's probably unfair of me to read that sense into your post, but I did have this emotional reaction and thought it might be worth sharing. You are right to be proud of yourself for struggling to do things you have difficulty with.
But don't disrespect people who need help. I don't believe other people have worked harder than I have. I earned what I have achieved through intensely hard work over sustained periods.
Only a fool denies expertise. unless you are an accountant or have the most basic finances and enjoy forms, you should not do your own taxes. You should never represent yourself in court. You should not attempt to fly an aircraft without the appropriate training, certificates and ratings. No one considers it a weakness to rely on such expertise.
Likewise, NT families help their children transition in adulthood in many ways, including all kinds of help. Most young adults cannot pay for college tuition, for example. Many are given advice and introductions into the professional world. None of this makes them less than "adult."
Sometimes my wife does speak for me, and I appreciate her help. More often I know that I just have no idea what is going on and she explains it to me--stuff like marriages that are breaking up or who likes and does not like who among a group. I just don't see it most of the time and she does--nonetheless, I am not a child.
I don't think we're in disagreement about any of this. I only used the phrase "behave like an adult" to describe how I tend to feel when somebody has to go and talk to somebody else on my behalf. As I admitted, that's
, it's about the feeling that comes into my mind unbidden at such times, not about the right or wrong of using others as proxies, and absolutely not about the right and wrong of accepting any kind of help from anybody under any circumstances. The help you accept seems perfectly fine to me. Logically, I find it hard to think of anything people do that's truly independent of others.
24 Dec 2014, 11:18 am
