High Functioning Asperger's concerned about future

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Have you tried to contact the national autistic society? they can help uni students with socialising and other things. Sometimes there are social groups too. Also could someone from uni or elsewhere help you with understanding the coursework maybe?

I think it's good that you've managed to get to uni level. Personally I think you should take compare.yourself to others so much. Comparison is not good really since it makes people miserable. As long as you improve at things each day then that's what's worth something it doesn't matter if you are doing things at a slower pace.

I'm 25 and at college and I might go to uni next year. I'm not worried that I'm missing out though because of decided to live as I want to and not how other people want me to. Now I'm an adult there is only so much others can say and in the end they accept my life choices. I think it's normal that most people don't listen to you when your younger.

As for talking with girls I have have no idea. I have no interest in that kind of relationship with anyone so idk.

I didn't know this was a thing (the mentor not DSA). How much does an autism society mentor cost?



To OP: I was in a similar situation at uni (my social exhaustion stopped me going to classes in the end). I study from home now but I'm very lucky to have been afforded such an option. If you really can't cope then of course I would consider looking into something similar. I lived in halls and I had an incredibly hard time connecting with my hallmates and classmates. I also didn't tell my parents about my difficulties day-to-day. At the start I tried to, but it is a lot to lay on people long-distance when they can't really help you anyway, so I stopped and just kept it to myself. In the end I had a major shutdown that led to me being diagnosed. If you think you can continue studying without such a risk of breakdown or shutdown, then I would say do - like you say, you are functioning pretty well and uni is very important. Maybe look into on-campus support (counsellors etc., there must be a mental health team) and perhaps a mentor as Alliekit mentioned; is your personal tutor someone you could talk to?

I always take a year or two in new places before I feel un-isolated. Maybe hang in there? Also, look for clubs. I was really lucky that my school offered a 'freshman dorm', which had all sorts of scaffolding for meeting people. The Residence Assistant posted flyers about freshman events in the halls. Sometimes it was a movie, sometimes it was going to eat dinner together at the same time with other freshman. The RA also helped all the musicians to meet one another, so we would have that to talk about and do. It made my transition into college a lot easier, looking back (although, at the time I had no diagnosis, and had never even heard of either aspergers or autism...I was just in the dark about everything pretty much.)

By contrast, I lived by myself for my Masters, and there were no clubs and no scaffolding, because we were all expected to know how to make friends by that point. It took me 18 months before I could say I was 'friendly' (but not friends) with anyone. It was so difficult, so so lonely. It's really difficult without some kind of guidance.

I know you are living by yourself, so it just means more effort for you. Go to the school's counselor and ask what help they offer to students who need help making friends.

Also, ask the professor of your favorite class if there are any other students who are really interested in whatever you are really interested in. You can maybe make friends with them.

You could also seek out other international students. I have always found international students to be much more compatible with me than people from my own country. They are more patient with me, too.

Then of course, you'll probably have to keep trying and keep trying because things just don't work between some people, so your first tries might yield very little.

I know that i've done well to get to university but I think I've underestimated the effect that this disability would have upon my life. As I have aged the increasing number of challenges that I have come across are bringing to light different problems that I was not aware of in my earlier years.

Having now been a student at university for 14 months, i'm more able to evaluate the situation for what it is.. and honestly it's a disaster.. I am isolated socially and I can't solve that in a hurry.. It's beginning to get to the stage now that I am cut off from my own peers i.e my age group and I am not in flow with them as they develop and age. I'm also falling behind on my communication skills because i'm not getting out there and socialising.. I am going to 2 societies and communicating there but I fear that this is not enough.

To be honest, I haven't felt at ease since leaving Secondary school and that is because my support has been reduced and cut off significantly as I have transitioned into adulthood.

I assumed that I could handle university far from home but the lack of support described above is holding me back. Professors etc are not made aware of most disabilities in the majority of cases and thus do not know what is the best course of action when it comes to providing adequate support. Truthfully, universities are set up and coordinated for Neurotypicals. I am constantly having to adapt for others around me and that is something that I don't forsee myself being able to handle for an additional two years..

I get depressed over this on a daily basis.. I have always had plans to pursue adventurous career paths and the current situation that I am in is not taking me that way.. Seeing my peers graduate while i'm still in the 1st year of my degree is dampening my self esteem. People can say not to compare myself with my peers but the reality is that I am being held back by this disability and I should be up there with them developmentally. I am intelligent and have great health, if I didn't have this disability I would have plenty of friends (great social life) and have the skills to get through a degree/university without much problem.

I can carry my self for a while but as I age I am finding that I don't have enough experience in life to have the intellect to know how to get through the challenges and hurdles that I am coming up against. My social skills/communication skills are set at the age of someone who is 17/18 not 20/21.. This is coming to light on a constant basis with communication with others and it is not giving me any headway, it is certainly not going to help when it comes to the networking that I need to do in my third year.

I am falling behind badly at this stage and I don't know what to do to rectify this. I need professional support from professionals who specialize in Autism.. I am tired of getting support from people who know next to nothing about my condition and who are learning from me.

Last edited by owenc on 07 Nov 2016, 7:59 am, edited 1 time in total.

I live in halls but I live in a studio flat. I feel cut off from the rest of the cohort. They always advertise parties etc on their Facebook group but it's so far in that I wouldn't feel comfortable going...
I don't enjoy living in "halls" anyway, it's just too loud and the rooms are woeful.

I am getting all the support that you are describing e.g mentor but I don't feel that I am gaining any headway socially or developmentally. As I said above, I don't believe that I predicted the full effect that this disability would have on my life.. Probably because I had adequate support when I was younger and I was forced to immerse myself in social situations..

I can relate to you feeling its too late to start being social. Hallmates would sometimes knock on my door and invite me out, or even just invite me to the common room; I probably should have taken those opportunities but it was just too hard. I hated the noise in halls, especially the 3am drunken shouting/singing/girl drama etc. when the bars closed.

It's definitely hard to predict how much of an impact uni will have. At school you're kind of forced to mingle with other kids and you just get on with it, but once you're on your own and responsible for putting yourself out there you really feel the effects of ASD. I actually thought I'd thrive at uni. How stupid was that lol?

I lived in the freshman dorm all four years! Yeah, it was really noisy and run down. But, I'm sure it did wonders for my social skills.

I'd suggest getting a science, math, engineering, or accounting degree. This is your ticket to getting a job that may overlook your issue with social skills.