I have a weird dichotomy. I'm generally a strong believer in honesty, but when my self-esteem goes down the tubes and I'm feeling very embarrassed about how I'm doing (obviously, depression going on), I've been known to lie, even to my caseworker. I'm very afraid to ask for help, so I try to 'cover' for myself a lot of the time. I'm not sure why it goes on; fear of loss of control, definitely, probably also fear of being judged. I'm in the midst of one of these periods now and really want to get out of it. I know what usually happens is I get so disgusted that I get things cleaned-up in my life, and then go more honest. It's embarrassing to admit this.
16 May 2007, 5:50 am
