Surviving Death Moments

Post Reply New Topic

The issue isn't with me. My youngest persona reaches out to almost everyone. The problem is that only two people in over fifty years have truly accepted "her" and allowed her to exist in full and uninhibited in their presence. Everyone else either forces me back into adult personas or only lets "her" show herself for a few minutes at a time until they make "her" leave. "She" would love to bond with lots of people but people do not accept "her." People do not think it is appropriate for "her" to exist because I am so"high functioning." They constantly challenge "her" existence and force me to interact in personas that are appropriate to my chronological age. I really see this at Special Olympics. Lower functioning athletes are always accepted just as they are. High functioning athletes are expected to act as if they have no disabilities.

"She" has even reached out on WP in the past and been rejected here as well. I was always forced back into interacting in my usual way.

I've been rather near drowning a few times as a kid. I didn't go through any freak-outs though. I just got super calm. I hear that's common in drowning though, due to lack of oxygen.

The first time I was 4 or so and was riding in a family friend's sail boat with a bunch of other kids. Well, the overloaded boat capsized when a strong gust came out of nowhere. I got pinned underneath the sail as the mast started flipping and the boat going full upside-down, dragging me under with it. The boat had a clear sail, so I remember looking through it at everyone frantically searching for me and calling my name. I had never ridden a sail boat before, so I thought this was just a normal part of the ride. Just before I went under I said happily "hear I am!" My sister, who was the closest to me, then began trying to get me out. I became very mad because I thought she was just dunking me for fun. I didn't understand the danger in that case, which is why I guess I didn't experience what you are describing.

Then again, I also almost drowned a different time near the same age, but this time in a pool, and I didn't experience any kind of visions or panicking then either. I couldn't swim, so my dad had me on his back when we were in a swimming pool. There were lots of people and he was talking to my uncle at the time. He was standing in an area about up to his mid-back, so when I made a wrong move and slid off, I was in over my head a good foot or two. I was calm, and held my breath alright, but I realized after grabbing at my dad's legs and shaking them in vain for a few seconds that he was distracted and must have thought I was just playing or something. I walked along the bottom of the pool trying to get to the steps, but I quickly realized that I couldn't hold my breath any longer and I immediately regretted leaving my dad's legs. I looked left and saw a random hairy leg and so grabbed the hair on it and gave a good tug. I got reflexively kicked in the face. I was pulled out of the water.

I think I tend to get overly calm in these kinds of stressful situations for some reason.

I guess once in college someone technically held me up for money with a knife. I misunderstood the situation though, and thought he was a pan-handler, so I reached into my pocket and pulled out some loose change, and asked him if he wanted me to get him dinner someplace with my credit card. He was so touched that he actually ended up given me a soda he had in his pocket and and also told me that if anyone messed with me, I should tell them that "shorty mac got my back". My friend who was with me at the time explained the knife after. I guess I hadn't seen it at the time. It was rather dark out.

Come to think of it... I think I'm rather lucky to be alive given how obliviously I navigate the world.

Wow. Thank you for sharing your stories. You are very lucky to be alive. It is really helpful for me to understand how different people respond to life threatening situations.

It wasn't until I was in therapy for PTSD that I was made aware of having asperger's and OCD although I was suspicious of the OCD. Growing up I knew that I was different, "weird" as my siblings called me, but was ignorant of what was really going on in my head. In those years autism was a rare and unspoken condition. My social awkwardness is much more intense than before the event as is my preference for solitude. Before my diagnosis I was in a relationship feeling a deep love for a woman who broke it off because she could not handle my idiosyncrasies, it broke my heart. I am not in a relationship nor am I seeking one, but there are times when I think that it would be nice. I may get lonely, but I am never alone, right now that I am even breathing is enough.

I've experienced few life threatening situations. When I was a kid I catched some disease, which without any help would end up in my death. That help was refused to me, so I thought I would die in a few days. I've cut off emotions I felt then, but I remember going through different stages. At some other time I was electrocuted by a broken TV set, and all I can remember from then is darkness. Later I had another meetup with destiny, I remember that I've seen a "movie" from my future life, its sense and everything, and after that I had to choose if I want to stay or go permanently. I've decided to stay, so probably my life has some meaning I don't fully grasp yet, because I don't remember details of that movie But I try to never give up on it.

How it affected my autism? Before that disease I've treated everything deadly seriously, I couldn't wrap my head around jokes and lies, after that it changed, I've learned that people tell things just for the sake of it, so I stopped treating anything seriously. It backfired in my face, so I've tried to learn NT's ways, with poor results Long story short, it changed my autism a lot, now I think that for the better, but it was very long and tough journey.

Last edited by AstroPi on 25 Feb 2019, 8:57 am, edited 2 times in total.

It's a tough go to be sure. I don't know if I will ever be fully recovered and have thought that perhaps I reached a point that the human body is not meant to come back from. Even though I am not afraid of what's on the other side (and there is the other side), I'd rather be here

Thank you so much for your responses. This is really so fascinating and my heart really goes out to you all when I read your experiences. I think I had some neurological changes after my experience. I started experiencing body tremors and it is possible that my visual processing changed but I am not sure about that one. Emotionally and psychologically I am also much more fragile and much more vulnerable and now when I am bullied, I respond much more severely. I actually now have physical responses to bullying like getting dizzy and things like that. I also have a harder time staying in adult personas for long periods of time. I have much less social stamina.

I am so interested in how our bodies respond to these experiences. I think this is powerful information and it should be studied and explored more so that we can understand it better especially with Autistic people who are so vulnerable in so many ways. Thank you so much for sharing your experiences.