The Quigley Quigelson Memorial: R.I.P.

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An amazingly forgettable song that i will never forget is 1999 by prince. Because that is the song that is used to create the second and third impact in the Evangelion fan parody Redeath.

yeah - c'mon, mjs82 - more!

Sorry my beautifully delicate fans, I know how terrible your lives are without me in it. I've been in the studio doing work on my new solo album. It features me on lead vocals, me on back up vocals, me on xylophone and me on harp. It's a CD for the ladies, preferably the ones who were born as ladies, you never can tell in this day and age. It's all about love and sms'ses and kisseses and cuddles and all that stuff that women will waste money on.

Here's a sneak peak at the new CD art work:

http://www.pixagogo.com/Photos/Albums/Photo.aspx?id=S4ysEhWkhVUoJlzhNdQb-xw8cfsNsk-!S!uKRtspzl1Y4L9c6qpbTQ3j11CIIG-iDg

http://www.pixagogo.com/Photos/Albums/Photo.aspx?id=S49Rfn9M8naz-fmfl3it0ShfS7sG0X!e89bhR!FJlzFc2Kn2AQ--a-fe46fplAjsAQ

And if that doesn't get you salivating, I've included the single track, which stupidly, is not on the actual album, I'd fire my producer for making a stupid mistake like that but unfortunately he is me.

It's called YOU ARE A BEAUTIFUL CAR CRASH VICTIM... enjoy


Babe I wanna know ya
Babe I gotta show ya
How much you mean to me
You’re my love times infinity

When we first met you said I sucked
For running you over with my car
And now I just need you more and more
Ever since the emergency ward

I ran over you
You spat in my eye
A love in saliva
That will neva die
I will give you my liver if you really need it
I will give you my heart if yours is still internally bleeding

Love is a car crash
A mutilated body
So tender and warm
Right after autopsy
I love you so much
I think I might join your IV
Together on saline
For eternity

This is the most fantastic mess I've ever seen.

ENCORE! ENCORE!

/me is rushed to the very same A&E, requiring surgery for the ruptures laughing at this thread has caused...

Oh my fans want me so badly it hurts my heart girl, oh yeah, don’t you know that if you try a little tenderness you and me might be, a love that shines eternal, for eternity…

Sorry, I get carried away with great lyrics sometimes, that’s one of the major problems with being a genius like I am.

I’m here to announce that my WORLD TOUR to launch my unfinished album, ‘Touched By An Angel’ is underway. I just played out to a sold out tin shack in Oondooroo. Don King, the boxing promoter, organised the tour. The preshow entertainment involves Mike Tyson randomly bludgeoning to death a lucky audience member. Unfortunately, it was my gran. The funeral is this Thursday at Moreson’s Cemetery if you’re interested. There will be a 21 BB-Gun salute and her ashes will be spread over a slice of bread, covered in jam and fed to my grandfather so they can be together till his next bowel movement, in other words eternity.

Any how, if you’re interested, here’s a link to the poster for my world tour:


http://www.pixagogo.com/Photos/Albums/Photo.aspx?id=S4fAdj1nZEZa1fGqH8kXWTh5gUeO21!0NmFx6rD4W0pudYn-q1R8bzoJ7IxrNdeH4g


And now as a lucky doggy treat, here’s a new song I wrote whilst I was getting beer bottles hurled at me on stage by drunken buffoons. It’s about love at first sight.

I call it MIRROR, MIRROR

Mirror, mirror
What do I see?
A beautiful man smiling at me
I smile back at him
He’s nervous I see
Why do I feel he’s staring at me?
Oh I think I’m in love with that guy in the mirror
He’s a vision of love and he looks like a winner
When we do wed our kids will look great
I think he might score on our first date!

So when we touch for the very first time
I feel your hands intertwined with mine
The touch of your skin makes me know that you need me
There’s a truth in your eyes saying you’ll never leave me
Oh I think I’m in love with that guy in the mirror
He’s a sexy little sheep waiting for a shearer
I will take his fleece and wear it close to my skin
I think I’m in love with myself and also with him

tut. oh, quigley, now i have lost confeidence in you - i know you didn't win the 2005 nobel peace prize, cos you ain't the IAEA. sigh. now my dreams are in tatters...

Ok, some of you may or may not have heard some ghastly rumours in the press that I in fact did not win the 2005 Nobel Peace Prize. Now I must admit to you that this is a lie and in fact I did win the peace prize. Unfortunately I got into a fight with Bono over it (which of course is against the whole idea of the PEACE prize to begin with) and I had to give it back.

Fortunately, there was a decent buffet at the ceremony and I managed to stuff my pants with shellfish and oysters. Although I don't know why as I hate seafood.

Any how, here's the song I wrote about winning the most important prize in the world. I call it...

WINNER

I was down at the pub
The place was packed
I had just drunk
A whole six pack
I had snuck it inside
On Eight Dollar Beer Night
Now I could feel my bladder rumbling
Unleashing its might

I just won an award in the men's public toilet
I'd like to describe it but it might just spoil it
The man next to me was watching and he said 'That's nice'
And now I've taken out first prize!
Ooh can you make a stream go two metres
You can do it if you really believe it
Ooh can you make me love you this way
You are like my urinal cake

PEACE OUT YOU CRAZY DIAMONDS!

Hey, I’m on the road at the moment. I think its called Park Avenue, like in Monopoly. Anyhow, I’d like to post the interview I did for rolling stone magazine last week. Cheers.

Rolling Stone Magazine Interview
Interview: Aaron Andrews
Interviewee: Quigley Quigelson

Aaron:
Now what do you think makes you a good potential employee for rolling stone magazine?

Quigley:
Well, I’m honest. If you stink, I’ll tell you straight to your face. I rarely steal office supplies any more. And I’m very punctual. You know, like most days, I leave the office on time, sometimes even earlier. I guess you could call me a renaissance man in many ways. Perhaps just one-way really.

Aaron:
And have you had much janitorial experience?

Quigley:
Well my father was garbage. My mother was a Baptist. I guess that makes me a little bit of both really. I like garbage. I like what it stands for. If I see a piece of rubbish lying around, I’ll be all like: ‘Hey, get in the bin’ and it’ll do it. That’s what I stand for.

Aaron:
And where have you worked previously?

Quigley:
Well I have seen people working at places like Maccas and Burger King. I have observed people in the act of working, which is a kind of experience. So yes I guess you could say I am well skilled in THAT.

Aaron:
What’s this?

Quigley:
What’s what?

Aaron:
You just shoved a cassette tape into my jeans?

Quigley:
Oh that… oh, that’s nothing…

Aaron:
The label says: ‘Quigley: Sex God of Rock and Roll’

Quigley:
Well I guess the guy who sings on that demo tape must be pretty all right then.

Aaron:
Your first name is Quigley.

Quigley:
There could be more than one.

Aaron:
I’m sorry, we don’t listen to demotapes.

Quigley:
Is it because I’m asian?

Aaron:
You look Caucasian to me…

Quigley:
I am one – sixty fourth asian.

Aaron:
It’s not a matter of race sir.

Quigley:
I like anime. And samurais and stuff.

Aaron:
We don’t listen to demo-tapes because we’re not a record company.

Quigley:
Yeah but you have contacts in the industry

Aaron:
I am an outside contractor hired by the magazine to employ new staff. I really have nothing to do with-

Quigley:
I think George Washington says otherwise.

Aaron:
One dollar?

Quigley:
You bet it is.

Aaron:
Sir, there’s no need to bribe me as there isn’t anything I can really do for you-

Quigley:
I’ll sleep with you.

Aaron:
Excuse me?

Quigley:
You heard me. You just pass on that little old tape to whomever you have to and I’ll guarantee you One Night In Quigley that you’ll remember for a lifetime.

Aaron:
Sir, I’m afraid that really doesn’t interest me?

Quigley:
Is it because I am African?

Aaron:
Sir, please leave.

Quigley:
Can I at least have my tape back? It’s my only copy.

Aaron:
SECURITY!

After that it gets a little hazy, except I can still feel my ribs broken. If that excitement wasn’t enough, get ready to wet your best friend’s pants with joy as I have written a new song. It is about Worms

I HAVE WORMS

Oh I have a worm farm it is great
I feed them dirt high in nitrates
And at night I sing them songs
But they don’t know how to sing-a-long
There are many parts in the average worm
Like the head and the tail
And the middle bit…
If you cut them up they wriggle a bit
Taste mighty nice with sweet and sour sauce
At dinner parties they make a nice main course

If ever there was a way to increase one's post count, this is it.

Not that I'm offended or annoyed, I got a post out of it too.

this is true, but it's a most amusing way to increase one's post count - mjs82, you are still completely insane, but obviously touched with at least the wing tip of comic genius.

/me wonders what on earth he'll come up with next...?

I’m very proud to announce that myself (Quigley) and my identical twin brother (Quagley) are going to form a SUPER-DOOPER-BLOOPER Rock Band! Together!

We’re interested in suggestions for the name of the band. To inspire you, I’ve posted a photo link of us below. Can you even tell which one is which? I think not.

http://www.pixagogo.com/Photos/Albums/Photo.aspx?id=S4Fof1uRhQ6FTVsLw7Cs1JLx6yua99LAjvFks5BnlybKHLS1DAKao57lcFuok4EAvg

At the moment, the unofficial name for the band is THIRTY-ONE ODD FOOT OF GRUNT but that may change pending legal action by a silly actor who I’ll refrain from badmouthing here.

Anyhow, if you see Russell Crowe in the street, don’t be afraid to run over him with your car.

Here’s a song I wrote about Celebrity


A fifty-year-old woman
Mated with a swordfish
Got a rather nasty rash
But now she’s paid up with cash
A store clerk in Ohio
Thinks he saw Elvis
He’s releasing a new record
But he no longer has any vocal chords
Satan’s in my freezer
God is in my lunchbox
Wonder how much it’ll cost?
To assassinate George Dubya Bush
Elton John’s a reptilian
But I guess we already knew that
And Oprah Winfrey’s diet consists of newborn baby fat

I’m just a normal guy
I only have one head
My wife isn’t undead
And all my electrical appliances remain unpossessed
I’m just a normal guy
Have no amputated limbs
I am not one-eighth alien
And I’m not the son of Aquaman!

I’ll never ever make it
To my fifteen minutes
On the cover of the paper
The best reporting you will ever see
You’ll never see my picture
I’ll never ever be
In my favourite tabloid paper
A National Enquiry

Mad Cow disease was intended
To make hot-beef injections
The 11 Secret Herbs and Spices
Includes the Hunter Virus
Queen Elizabeth is an albino
She feeds on the blood of virgins
And William Shatner’s not Canadian
But in fact one eighth sturgeon
JFK was assassinated
By a time travelling bullet
Fired by the Loch Ness Monster
Lover’s rage encouraged by New Jersey Mobsters
And if you think these stories are weird
Please don’t take it too rough
They never made the paper
Because the editors said they weren’t good enough!

I’m just a normal guy
I don’t possess souls
My blood isn’t Gatorade
I didn’t kill JFK yesterday!
I’m just a normal guy
I’m not sleeping with a corpse
Unless she was alright looking one of course
Maybe then I’d make an exception!

I could make it if I really try and fake it
To my fifteen minutes
On the cover of the paper
The best reporting you will ever see
You’ll never see my picture
I’ll never ever be
In my favourite tabloid paper
A National Enquiry

MAY YOU FEEL THE SPIRIT OF GEORGE MICHAEL... ALWAYS... WHAM!

THREE SHADES OF COOL RULES!! !


In the process of forming a THREE SHADES OF COOL fan club.

All I need now is an autographed pic of THREE SHADES OF COOL and then we can produce tee shirts for all the members of the fan club.....swooning with the thought of having my own signed autograph of my favorite band - wishing to paste cut-out pictures of THREE SHADES OF COOL all over my bedroom from all of the hip-hop magazines....