"Why?"

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Rude? Only if the person being asked is so egotistical and/or insecure that they become offended when what they say is not accepted as The Truth.

I think this myth of "Asking 'Why?' is rude" got started with the military, religionists, cultists, and multi-level marketers. In each of these cases, the leadership expects their orders to be followed and their "facts" to be believed without question, and questioning authority is Not A Good Thing if you want to be promoted in the Army, Catholicism, Scientology, or Amway.

A sure sign of an authoritarian mindset (a "Control Freak") is an arrogant, indignant or hostile reaction to the question "Why?".

that was kinda funny

My mom used to do this all the time. Sometimes with even very important things, she had to know why you wanted an answer and her answer would depend on it.

If I'm asked something, I'll tend to do my best to answer directly, and then ask why if I'm curious. The other way around seems manipulative to me, probably because that was the experience I had.

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Interestingly, that's annoying. Like, schoolyard annoying.

On retrospect, it may be worth trying answering the question, and then asking why. So whoever can go for whatever word-association style quick thought and then gets to explain the deal. I mean, unless the question is "What's your P.I.N.?" but I guess you've just got to go with your judgment.

Given that I'm mostly NT, I will suggest that NT's don't always have a reason for asking a question. Pops in our head, ask it, make conversation. The reason the "why" is so difficult to take is because we've never given a moments thought to if there is a why, or what it would be, and don't have an answer.

Not always, of course, but sometimes.

My son does it to me all the time. Needs a rational answer for "why" beyond, "I don't know, I wanted to know." Not everything has a "why" in my world. Much just "is." His world has a "why" behind every "is." I'm simply not used to trying to back up my life that way. I have so many other places to focus my mind and energy, that trying to back up and come up with a why (if I don't have one) seems like a waste of time (of course, I do it anyway - he's my son, I've got to).

Make any sense?

Yeah, the constant "why-ning" of a three-year old can be annoying, but wanting to know the "Why" behind the "Who," "What," "When," "Where," and "How" of a statement or story is just plain common sense. To leave out the "Why" is to lessen the information content, and thus restricts an individual's right to make an informed choice about it.

Like when grain-and-field empirically states that asking "Why?" is rude without explaining the reasoning behind his statement (or even providing evidence to support it) - the information is incomplete, and we're expected to simply accept his determination at it is stated without any justification.

I think that does make sense. Since Aspies don't tend to just make conversation, it makes know sense to me just ask a question for the sake of asking a question.

I guess I'm like your son- in my world, there is a "why" behind every question.

so you are saying that Im an idiot? I have feelings to....

I answer the question and then ask "why?"


It does sound rude when someone asks "why?" when you ask. It has happened to me and I don't understand what I did wrong so that's how I know this. I just tell them I'm curious and then they get friendly.

If you are accusing me of calling you an idiot, then please provide a link to the page where I allegedly did so.

Also, please explain your reasons for stating that asking "Why?" is rude, and why you seem to believe that it is okay for you to make false accusations.

I'd say that's even ruder because it's less casual .... more directly confrontational.

cmon, cant you just plead guilty?

My natural instinct is to ask why whenever I am questioned about anything. Many times I don't ask because I know people do not like being questioned, including myself. However it is always in my head. Why? Why? Why?

Natural paranoia.

I understand him to be saying you aren't an authority. You're an anonymous person on the internet. We have no reason to just believe you. But, if you either explain your thinking (answer the "why?" or site a source, then we have something more to go on.

Depends how it's said. Tone of voice can convey a lot.

And, on the internet, it depends, alas, on how the other person imagines it was said.