Anti-Empathy as Aspie traite?

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Sorry about the poll. The poll title was meant to be one of the poll choices which was "I have alot of empathy".

Maybe I'm confusing sympathy/compassion with empathy. Dictionary def. is "the intellectual identification with or vicarious experiencing of the feelings, thoughts, or attitudes of another."

I think your right. I really don't have much of an intellectual identification with the feelings or attitudes of others. In fact, I'm often baffled how the average NT can comfortably lie to my face about something I see as quite obvious. Most recent example is a female client telling me she isn't going to use window and door trim when I knew that another contractor already had the materials for this. Why not just be honest and tell me someone else was going to do the trim work? It was quite insulting to think that this woman thought I was that stupid as to not see what was going on.

As a result of a lifetime of witnessing people with double standards, manipulative actions, deceptive statements, and outright lies, I have little trust for any human. I'm sure some of my history with having grown up with a narcissistic alcoholic father plays into this to a certain degree. Bottom line is that my strong desire to be honest and fair has put me at a serious disadvantage with society since they seem to be playing by very different rules.

I'm described by average people and some professionals (not ASD professionals) as having a lot of empathy.

I describe myself as having no empathy.

Maybe I lack sympathy.

Too confusing to make sense of this.

I stick with that lack something that other people with normal and whole social skills have.

Do you know whether she was thinking that? There is another everyday reason for that what you said about lying about the obvious.

If she would have told you the truth to your face, that would mean to most other (non-autistic) people that they're not as good as somebody else. In order to avoid insulting you/avoid you interpreting this rejection as an insult and personal rejection, she could have lied too.

As a general principle, you don't tell people in their face that you don't want their something [help, work, money, material things] unless you hate them and want to hurt them by saying it.

isn't it ironic that we are judged by them for not being able to empathise with their most disgusting behaviors and tendencies like cruelty and dishonesty? i've always found that criterion to be laughable, "lack of empathy".....does that mean they understand exactly how much they are hurting each other when they are being cruel? does that mean that all the bullies in my life were aware of my mental and emotional state as they tortured me? is that what empathising means for them? that is less laughable and more frightening, to me.

you're definitely not alone in feeling this way.....one of the things i struggle with most in my life is trying to maintain a belief in the inherent goodness of humanity. man, do they like to make that one difficult there are good people out there, but i would agree there are certainly too few of them.

Only animals, I used to have some also for people but I've pratictally lost it all, indeed sadistic reactions are increasing, I guess the more I stay with people (due to work) the more I hate them.

I think that if I already had experienced what another person has gone through or is going through, I able to understand and empathize with that person, though I'm not very good at showing or expressing it. But if I were to "stand in another person's shoes" without having the same experience, then I would be just me standing in shoes that didn't fit.

I've been around for a while. Seen a bunch of stuff. But I think I've always had empathy.

I believe you, that some people are dumb enough to think that's a good rule.
That is so mind-bogglingly sick.
All you need to do is say, "No thank you, I don't like pie," or whatever.
Anyone who would be offended by that is seriously ill.

It would have been much less hurtful to have her simply say 'I got a better deal with this guy' rather than have me work around this guy for a week. Seeing the materials and seeing this guy measure the reveals around windows while I'm there makes it quite obvious what is going on. Granted she may be so codependent she can't handle any kind of conflict, thus she makes something up to avoid any possible conflict. However, the only conclusion I could come up with given the circumstances is that she must think I'm really dumb to miss the 'in my face' info before me.

If it was this one person, I would say maybe this is just an adoration. Since this is a deja vu experience, I think not. Moving on and wiping my feet from the icky feeling I got is all I can do.

But it's not the pie that's the problem, but whether it's your pie or not and why another doesn't want it.

People are ugly and it's our choice to make reality ugly or comfortable or painfully sugar-coated.

If they don't want your pie, because they say they don't think you're sympathetic, not nice, actually very annoying, don't like how you talk, say that you look and dress horrid and that they fear to get ill from you pie, that makes most people feel anxious, distressed and insulted... that or a lie.

I imagine it would be helpful for many autistic people to not get told the lie and not be faced with the ugly though ridiculous assumptions.

Sure, there are always people who are so above people that they don't mind if others love, hate or want them dead. A fair potion of that is quite healthy actually. But this is bordering psychopathy.

Most autistic people seem to care about whether they're told such things to their face, just like non-autistic people. Autistic people often developed anxiety. Maybe it's just the WP population, but it's probably the same for the rest of the spectrum. There's no reason to be anxious of social interaction if you don't truly care.

Just because many people are hurt by assumptions and insults, nobody is going to stop thinking them in their heads. People will always adopt the stance of rivalry. That's part of why society has adopted that principle that is balanced by back-stabbing and gossip.

We're just so much people and have this 'advanced' civilisation and are not ripping off each others' heads because humans can play nice when they think bloody murder.

I think I can be empathetic, just not often or easily and even then I'm not sure if I actually feel it because I'm empathetic or because I think I should feel that way, if that makes any sense. I definitely feel more genuinely empathetic towards animals though. I think it's because animals seem very innocent to me and they're not as corrupt as humans are. They don't have hidden agendas that extend past stealing my socks while I'm not looking. I'd rather hang out with my cat than a person any day.

Wow. Incredible well put.

"isn't it ironic that we are judged by them for not being able to empathise with their most disgusting behaviors and tendencies like cruelty and dishonesty? i've always found that criterion to be laughable, "lack of empathy".....does that mean they understand exactly how much they are hurting each other when they are being cruel? does that mean that all the bullies in my life were aware of my mental and emotional state as they tortured me? is that what empathising means for them? that is less laughable and more frightening, to me."


WOW! ....I just wanted to let you know that I share your observations.....in fact, I think I empathize with it!! ! Are you an artist......if so.....guess what.....so am I.

Sola

I have some empathy for people, but I have difficulty expressing it.

It's the mutual feeling aspect of empathy I find hard to understand. ie. That someone could be moved to tears by another's pain, literally experiencing what the other party is going through emotionally with or for them. Or when someone is happy on behalf of another person's good news and actually gets excited on their behalf.

yup painter/poet/illustrator/amateur philosopher lol