Question to those who don't speak

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This is a really really intriguing thread for me. I am intrigued that people who find it hard to speak can learn to write phonetically. Because writing using an alphabet (rather than pictograms, such as Chinese characters) is so dependent on the sounds of the words. I mean, you have to be able to hear the words in your head in order to write them. So it's that you have a clear voice in your head, but don't make your mouth-voice work.

Age, thanks for asking, I am totally over all that trauma now. It was twenty-five years ago. I was in hospital with anorexia and the doctor decided I should stay in a room by myself, with no-one to talk to and nothing to do. Funny kind of non-trauma in a way. But actually after two days I was going crazy with boredom and after two weeks my head felt like it broke. When they let me out I could not speak and I could not look people in the eye. It took a few years to recover. It's as if it happened to someone else now.

Meadow, hugs and I hope that time will heal for you too.

Wigglyspider, what you are describing, not being able to speak because you aren't sure how it is going to sound, I think that is something I went through too. Because I had been criticised so much for the way I spoke, with people saying my accent was odd, so I tried to talk with a different accent, but I couldn't hear it in my head and so I couldn't get the words out. Sometimes I would choose not to speak, or I would stop speaking if my voice was coming out too distorted.

sorry OT but I hope you all will forgive:

Meadow:

I think hate and anger are perfectly normal and part of the natural process of grieving. I personally hate people who go on and on about forgiveness and how I should do it for my own sake. wtf-ever. I don't forgive people who aren't worthy, but if I allow myself to experience the appropriate feelings of anger, disgust, hate, disappointment, hurt, and most importantly forgive myself for not knowing how to stick up for myself or for being overpowered by stronger, deeply selfish people, then eventually the hurt doesn't feel fresh, then eventually it becomes a sad memory instead of always feeling like fresh trauma. the best decision I ever made was to embrace my anger as if it were a friend or a teddy bear instead of always trying to hide it in a box. I would even declare triumphantly, out loud, "I'm angry!" because it was so amazing to have identified the feeling and to refuse to get down on myself for feeling it. I couldn't squeeze the words out to explain why I was angry but it was enough to say those 2 words.

so, IMO, go ahead and hate! personally I think it's healthy. and don't let any uneducated "happiness" addict try to convince you that forgiveness will make it all better because it won't. it's a stupid trick that damage your soul and make you sick.

Thank you Bhetti, I think you are so absolutely right. It's just a feeling, an instinct, and I know it's true. I think I'm at the beginning and I will get to the other side with it where you say. Your view and clear understanding gives me much needed encouragement, and hope. Yes, I have dealt with people and their logic, and another who actually demanded forgiveness when they hadn't even earned it. Thank you for hearing me and understanding and thank you for your wonderful insight. It is a tremendous blessing to me today. And a headache that is lessening as I write.

AuntyCC, Thank you...warm *hugs* to you too, and healing..

Well no. I've probably a mild form of Asperger (I'll get a dx next mounth and we will see ). I was always verbal but I don't like to talk as much, I had a long period of a sort of selective mutism between 8 and 16. I only talked to ask question or do questions about my special interest (so for istance I didn't had problem at school because I verbally replyied to teachers but I can stay 2 weeks without "having a talk" with anyone. Said that I always had some phonetic problems ("s" and "z" for istance are the same for me). Still I started talking early and also writing. I was always pretty intelligent and considered a gifted child, but my mind didn't linked well with my spech. For istance I was always very good at understanding writen language, math, science, etc.. but my language (both speak and writen) were only barelly acceptables. My mother always said that it was because my "speculative" and "imaginative" intelligence was far from my language profecies so I was unable to translate in words my thought and then I prefered to "not talk" about them. A sort of threasold happened when I was 16. Suddendly I found a sort of link and I started writing (mainly with a computer, my teachers allowed me to do that). The change was so much outstanding that my professors didn't belive that "I" was writing at first. I still have many problem verbalizing my though, I usually prefer to use "scripted" sentences taken from books (I've read around 5000+ books by now).
Obviosly my way is really different from people writing here. I just wrote to say that I really like what you all are sharing and it's very interesting. To reply to AuntyCC, when I write I have an internal monologe now, but it didn't happened when I was young. Now I'm mainly auditory digital with a lot of picture memories and immagination, but when I was young I was primary a picture thinker and I didn't do "internal monologue" to write I just translate picture in sentences (that's probably why I had more problems). The same holds when I'm reading. Uncounsciously or barelly consciusly I read things in my head but my "attention" is about making pictures of the sentences mainly because my memory is basically only picture based (also when I read about science and math I need a way to make images of physical things) and the same holds when I try to solve puzzle (for istance my spatial-IQ tested with things like Raven's matrices is about 2 sigma higher than my verbal IQ, still higher than average but in a "normal" range, while NT usually score the same in both tests).

The NV Silent Forum has quite a lot of these topics too. Meadow - I do understand that sort of frustration and you are so articulate in your description. I doubt a verbal NT could really know that kind of hurt and explaining, in words, is almost counter-productive which makes it harder.

"Uphill thinking" can mean the listener needs to think - really listen - and without assumption. When an Aspie says they're not sure what to say, or if expected for them to even speak, that means they need to be heard (and not judged or critiqued). If I communicate to another, then often they'll insert their meaning which obscures the original intent and we're then at an impasse.

We do live in a world of "downhill thinking" where so many individuals watch a lot of TV, expect to be entertained, and are filled with mindless chit-chat. But that's not thinking and may not be even meaningful communicatin - it's topical....and all too easy! Smart Aspies struggle with this discrepency of communication style. So many WP inhabitants have so much to express and are summarily silenced in 'the outside world' since their way of expression is not the easy "downhill thinking" way that is palatable.

Oh, Lab Pet was asked about thinking/seeing/feeling numbers: Good question and unsure I can answer because even writing 'why' is a non sequitur. No words to express. I guess one may have an engram of numbers inside their mind and this is a common theme amongst Autists. Sometimes when a NT friend, like another grad student, talks about numbers or math, they miss the relationships between and seem to lack that richness or quality, not quantity, that is math.

I hope the NV Forum can get these sorts of threads - very appropriate for the NV Forum! "Muteness" has gradations. Even those verbal Aspies write on WP about difficulties with communication, which is a core feature of ASD.

Separately, Lab Pet says Merry Christmas!

http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt73273.html

^ The NV Forum link! I hope all here feel free to post in this *stickie* thread tucked in the Haven - so many great insights.

The new video, autism realities, by Alex, is awesome and I like that he mentions those who are 'mute' or NV. Basically saying how communication, in general, is defining of ASD. I hope the NV Forum evolves into a place where we can express by those who may not otherwise.

NV Forum topic

I cannot use your forum to post because I cannot access videos and pics--my computer only allows print or emoticons. I could not change my avatar with the computer I have even if I wanted to. My computer is NVLD.

Hi Sartresue: You can! NV Forum is in Wrong Planet's the Haven & a "stickie* for easy access. Hope you can visit.

Thank you LabPet for providing this link. I have done some reading there already and find it a great comfort just to know there are others like myself that I can more closely relate to. I have felt utterly alone all my life so this is a start, and there is a lot useful information, as well. Thank you!!