This guy at my church is so mean...

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Just seems like one of those people who enjoys making people feel uncomfortable. I knew a girl like this when I was 12, she knew I didn't like being stared at and she would sit staring at me for like 5 minutes.

What you need to do is hand his arse to him by saying something really witty and making him look like an idiot. I wish I had more ideas :/

As I said, attempt to destroy him with wit and logical debate. Belittle everything he says, look at him like he's a moron, and make him realise that he is a failure of a human being.

This kind of advice will end up like George Costanza trying to come up with witty comebacks.

You can't outwit a bully like this. The whole reason why the bully is zeroing in on the OP is because the OP doesn't have the social fluidity required to "destroy and outwit" him. With "logical debate", no less. It will be a slaughter.

I could say the same about your interpretations of my posts.


I wasn't suggesting that your solution isn't sound. I just think that too many people are focused entirely on defensive and after-the-fact strategies and not nearly enough on counter-offensive and preventative ones.





For example..when are we going to start EXPELLING bullies from our schools (rather than merely suspending them or something since most will actually enjoy a few days home from school) and "blacklisting" them?

When will bullies otherwise face significant consequences (even if said consequences involve social ostracism which is serious enough for many
people) for their behavior?

I am fully aware of the fact that bullying will never entirely disappear from the earth and thus, your suggestions are quite sound. Individuals will always have little other recourse to some degree or another.

But I think it's time that bullies truly have something substantial to fear which will make them think twice before they decide to verbally, emotionally and physically abuse others.


There's plenty of things which were once more or less socially acceptable which will today get you fired, ostracized, banned from one civic organization or another, etc.....

I see no reason why bullying shouldn't be among these things. It is no more acceptable to abuse, discriminate against and denigrate people because
of harmless personal characteristics than it is to do the same to black people
because of the color of their skin.

The problem, Horus, is that you offer no solution that the OP can use. And you did steamroll me with accusations in your prior post. Blaming the victim my ass.

I think that the best thing you can do is talk to the pastor and explain the situation and how it makes you feel. He is the leader of the church and it's up to him to sort it out. If he doesn't, go to a different church.

I had a situation in church where someone kept making comments to me that really upset me. I ended up bursting into tears. My pastor was upset I hadn't told him sooner. He told the guy in no uncertain terms to lay off or else. It never happened again.

OK that is just wrong that somebody in CHURCH is doing that.

Where is the book called "How to be witty?"

Wow, haven't been on WP for several hours. So many posts!! Hmm...I obviously can't outwit him with words since if I was skilled in talking, he wouldn't make fun of me in the first place.

Confronting him could work, but I'm not sure how the rest of the crowd would react. I guess it's possible that it could work since other people may have already noticed this but are unwilling to speak up and they just keep silent about it pretending nothing happened. Yes, he is actually 10 years older than me, I think he had his 30th birthday sometime ago (maybe he is less than 11 years older than me).

I am a 190 pound bodybuilder.

So, here is what ya do.


-Have me fly out to your church

-Stand next to me while you ridicule him

-There problem solved.



No, this wouldn't work as we don't even know each other, but it sure as heck felt good to type. I hate a**holes like this guy

That's true....I didn't.

I did say your solution was a sound one however.

It's just not the only one in a general sense and yet it's the only one
everyone seems focused on.

That said....it sure SEEMS like alot people are implying alot of blame on the victim's part.

If you're not....then my apologies. I have experienced and witnessed more than enough examples of blaming-the-victim, so perhaps i'm hyper-sensitive to it.

There's a difference between "blaming the victim" and "acknowledging his weak points" when it comes to dealing with this bully.

If you encourage someone to use their weak points to protect themselves, they get hurt even more.

Fair enough....no disagreements there.

Heres something you can say. Try to make sure there are people around to see this.

"Go Away!!" Then walk away.

If he follows you turn to him and yell "I said Go Away!!" then walk away again.

If he still continues to follow you yell "Stop Harrassing me!!" then run off.

It will appear in front of everybody in the church he is harrassing you and making you upset. Then go to whoever will listen and complain talking about how he is harrassing you everytime you are in the church and you are sick of it. He knows you are different and he is making life hell for you because of that.

I don't think there are people at my church who act exactly in the way described in the OP. There's someone at my work who's somewhat like that. Would be worth saying he's a former Catholic priest himself. One example of this is he asked personal questions about the organisation's finances in the BANK and when I rightly refused to answer them, he aggressively, coldly responded that he was just trying to make polite conversation.

Although at church many people are very patronising in the way they talk to me, because they can instinctually tell I somehow come across as being different. These tend to be older women who are among the more (at least outwardly) sanctimonious, pious people at church.

The social experiences I've had there have put me off the church environment, I'm afraid, and I seldom go now, one reason being I feel like people like this are proof Christians are no better than other people and Christianity is no better than other ways of life. Because there's as much bullying in Christian circles as elsewhere, I'm not going to get away from it there.

My minister is not supportive and as for an example of this he harassed me into a healing session on account of Asperger's, unable to be convinced it isn't an illness.

I think one or two of the suggestions that have been given in this thread sound like good comebacks for the problems you're experiencing with this guy at church asking questions.

You can try calling it to the attention of a minister or counselor. Have someone in charge talk to this guy. Most the time, when they get called out by a higher power, they are contrite and will straighten up, especially if they are asked to either shape up or leave.