Very high functioning AS in denial -no I dont have aspergers

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League_Girl
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20 Apr 2011, 12:30 am

Surfman wrote:
Its appropriate for me to be helpful and honest.

A wounding is not necessarily a bad thing you know. At the time it may seem bad, then turn out good.

Just like everyone being polite is nice, but no one is telling the truth, which eventually is bad!



Would you tell someone they are fat or tell someone they are too thin?

Would you tell someone they are stupid?



TeaEarlGreyHot
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20 Apr 2011, 12:35 am

Surfman wrote:
Its appropriate for me to be helpful and honest.

A wounding is not necessarily a bad thing you know. At the time it may seem bad, then turn out good.

Just like everyone being polite is nice, but no one is telling the truth, which eventually is bad!


It's simply not your place. Period.


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20 Apr 2011, 12:36 am

Surfman wrote:
Its appropriate for me to be helpful and honest.

A wounding is not necessarily a bad thing you know. At the time it may seem bad, then turn out good.

Just like everyone being polite is nice, but no one is telling the truth, which eventually is bad!

What people think of as "truth" is opinion. Due to faulty perception, "truth" can actually be a lie. When someone is convinced they are always honest because they tell the truth, they could be lying to themselves.



Surfman
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20 Apr 2011, 1:59 am

Are not most adults DX 'ed glad to have finally understood their issues?

Do most wish they had found out sooner?

I rest my case....



League_Girl
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20 Apr 2011, 2:03 am

Yes and yes but what if the person didn't have AS? What if they were just quirky or socially inept? What if they had something else wrong with them such as social anxiety or OCD or depression? So if you labeled them as having AS to their faces, I am sure they would be offended. That is what we were all on about. You just never know.



TeaEarlGreyHot
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20 Apr 2011, 2:21 am

Surfman wrote:
Are not most adults DX 'ed glad to have finally understood their issues?

Do most wish they had found out sooner?

I rest my case....


No, you don't rest your case. The fact is there is a right and wrong way to bring something like this up. Some random guy that you surf with is NOT the right way. Someone very close to you like a close friend or family member are the ones that should be telling you.


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Louise18
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20 Apr 2011, 7:33 am

Surfman wrote:
Are not most adults DX 'ed glad to have finally understood their issues?

Do most wish they had found out sooner?

I rest my case....


I was diagnosed as a child. I am now an adult. I would prefer never to have been diagnosed. My anxiety and depression were not caused by my AS, they were caused by my diagnosis with that label, and the position it put me in in relation to my family.

My mother chose to have me diagnosed. It broke our relationship permanently, to the extent that both of us nearly committed suicide when I was a teenager. I stopped speaking to her a year ago, and am in the process of making sure she won't ever be contacted if I am seriously ill. She won't ever be in my life again. She won't be there at my wedding, she won't be there if I have a child, she won't be in my life at all.

If you walked up to me and amateur diagnosed me, not only would I not listen at all, I would be so hostile to the idea that I would reject it even later in life when it might be of use to me or suggested in the proper context. I would also do whatever I could do within the law to harm you anytime I saw you again. If that meant excluding you from a social group, kicking you out of a club, reporting you to HR for inappropriate behaviour not conducive to a work environment, whatever.

You do not know how someone else might react to something like that. You might even push them over the edge and make them kill themselves. Unless you know someone well enough to know they are open to that kind of comment, you should keep quiet.



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20 Apr 2011, 7:59 am

TeaEarlGreyHot wrote:
Surfman wrote:
Henbane wrote:
I am speaking completely on a personal basis here. If someone had said to me 10 years ago that I had aspie traits, it might have saved me a hell of a lot of stress, and my life might not be so completely ruined.


Thats what I firmly believe too. No one bothered to come up and tell me either, and I'm pissed off about that.

Yet, others are of the mind that not telling is the best thing to do? :roll:


Sorry, but I wouldn't have reacted well 10 years ago if some non-professional tried to diagnose me at random. I don't think I would react well even now.


Yup, that's why I said it was purely personal.



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20 Apr 2011, 11:23 am

Surfman wrote:
Are not most adults DX 'ed glad to have finally understood their issues?

Do most wish they had found out sooner?

I rest my case....


I can't believe you.

Two people at least have told you that diagnosis (amateur or professional) was one of the worst things they ever experienced and you won't admit that maybe you are wrong. I and another both told you that the "Dx" was more harmful than the "issues". You have got to think that some people might not respond well to your assessment. Do you really want to bring that kind of pain or confusion into someone's life?

Seeing as autism is a PERMANENT condition and seeing that the prevailing social perception is that it's like being ret*d, or an excuse to be an a**hole, there is no way that a street diagnosis is the most appropriate or effective means to inform an individual. Do everyone here a favor, be a better ambassador for the disorder. Guerrilla diagnoses aren't going to win anyone over to 'The Cause' and they aren't going to liberate anyone. What you are doing is like 'hypochondriac by proxy', you're telling people there's a problem before they even get the chance to come to that conclusion themselves.

You know what the best campaign for a goodwill ambassador like yourself would be? If you are so well adjusted and such a great example of dealing with autism, and I'm not being totally derisive here, then you should go out and get a t-shirt with the words "I AM AUTISM" on it. Wear that all day while you go about your business. If you're 'normal' by all appearances, people will get the message - that the diagnosis is not a damning proclamation and that there is more to the diagnosis than being ret*d or being an a**hole.


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20 Apr 2011, 4:06 pm

I am open and honest. I will continue to behave in an open and honest manner.

I still believe it best to hint at autistic traits in unknowing AS others.

I disagree with most here. Why be like an ostrich with your head in the sand. Denying knowledge is unfair to others, we are all ambassadors for AS, like it or not.

Get over it.

Asta la vista baby



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20 Apr 2011, 4:19 pm

2 examples for my reasonings

Bill Hicks a hero who dies from drug addiction

Andy Irons another hero on the spectrum who died from drug addiction

A diagnoses may have prevented these unfortunate and sad suicides



Dinosaw
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20 Apr 2011, 6:12 pm

Mine Furor, I'm sure your heart is in the right place. Please remember that you have autism and that condition is defined by social ineptitude. :wink:

Please consider what has been said here, you seem like a nice guy, even if you do put your dog in the toilet for fun. :P


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20 Apr 2011, 8:15 pm

Surfman wrote:
Its appropriate for me to be helpful and honest.

A wounding is not necessarily a bad thing you know. At the time it may seem bad, then turn out good.

Just like everyone being polite is nice, but no one is telling the truth, which eventually is bad!


Earlier today I said something I thought was helpful and honest and my sister fixated on it for an hour straight while occasionally trying to yell in my face and pick a fight because she'd elaborated this entire fantasy world from what I said (which was correcting an incorrect fact, and not even one she had personally stated) which made me out to be a machiavellian mastermind intent upon controlling all of the internet in the house and not letting her play Farmville. And while my sister has a history as a bully and an abuser (and I suspect she has some undiagnosed issues of her own), the entire basis for her complaint was that I used the wrong tone of voice. Of course, this is someone who thinks that it's okay to yell at anyone and everyone with no provocation.

So I guess what I am saying is, I am accustomed to things I say being taken very badly, whatever my intention. What people are saying is, whatever your intention - and I don't think anyone called your intentions into question, but I could be wrong - that the outcome is generally bad.

I know there have been times in my life where I would have welcomed others telling me they thought I might be autistic. I would say the past three years after I had already realized it. Before that, I may have taken it very badly.

There are ways to bring it up that can be helpful and still honest. That's what I did with my friend who has ADHD, and she is now likely to get a diagnosis.

Anyway, I am sorry if anything I said came across as an attack. My intention was not to attack at all.



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21 Apr 2011, 1:15 am

Dinosaw wrote:
Mine Furor, I'm sure your heart is in the right place. Please remember that you have autism and that condition is defined by social ineptitude. :wink:

Please consider what has been said here, you seem like a nice guy, even if you do put your dog in the toilet for fun. :P


haha If social ineptitude means being a clear mirror then I'll stay inept thanks

The dog loves it in there, loves the water



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21 Apr 2011, 9:15 am

Surfman wrote:
Dinosaw wrote:
Mine Furor, I'm sure your heart is in the right place. Please remember that you have autism and that condition is defined by social ineptitude. :wink:

Please consider what has been said here, you seem like a nice guy, even if you do put your dog in the toilet for fun. :P


haha If social ineptitude means being a clear mirror then I'll stay inept thanks

The dog loves it in there, loves the water


I am not a mirror and yet I also try to avoid being an ass. I also do not think so highly of myself that I put my own needs and feelings above others. Honesty at the expense of diplomacy is not always the "right" thing. Sometimes it is about getting it right more than it is about an individual being right.



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21 Apr 2011, 2:28 pm

I disagree

Dont talk down to me like that, your comment is rude and nasty